


The Loser

by IBACULLEN



Category: Twilight Series - All Media Types
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-01
Updated: 2019-07-30
Packaged: 2020-02-10 19:27:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 20
Words: 94,977
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18666862
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IBACULLEN/pseuds/IBACULLEN
Summary: Bella struggled with her weight throughout her life. Her problems are enhanced by the pressures society and her family place on her. How could someone like her ever find a decent husband? Her childhood best friend might have the answer to all her problems. A fake marriage. A raise in station for Bella and with the marriage, Edward stands to gain his full inheritance. How can anyone believe that a Cullen would ever want someone like Bella? Who is the real loser here? AU. Cannon. HEA.





	1. Chapter 1

CHAPTER ONE

I laid atop of my fluffy white bed with the white embossed comforter as I pondered my options. Run? Stay? What to do? There is a knot in my stomach that won't cease, and I know it shall be with me until the threat has packed up her bags and returned back to her mansion.

The ceiling fan spins around and around providing only a small amount of relief from the sweltering temperatures outside. You would have thought that when my sister made upgrades to our house, central air-conditioning would have been one of them. Just wait. I'm sure after a few uncomfortable nights, she will send for funds straightaway. Not for us or our comfort but for her own.

I stare around my room. White walls. White furniture. White everything. A proper atmosphere for a young virgin still awaiting a husband. Any amount of color and I might have an impure thought. I roll my eyes and press my head into the nearest pillow screaming out my frustrations.

My ears are on a constant alert. The moment that the gravel is kicked aside from the tires that tread down our path, I know it is only a matter of time before that knot in my stomach squeezes even more.

"Bella," my mother yells from downstairs. "Time to get up and showered. Your sister will be here any minute. Don't give her a reason to look down on you."

Like a shower would help.

I sit up and my pudgy stomach pooches out from under my tight top. I am aware why my mother has fitted me in nightwear that is one size too small. She thinks she is so smart finding subtle ways to encourage weight loss.

I forgo the shower. I hope I smell. Nothing will please me more than dissatisfying my sister. Normally I was a well-tempered easy-going girl who is eager to please but when it comes to Jessica, I am afraid that I lose all sense of reason.

I pull on some jeans and an extra-large t-shirt. I know the loose shirt will hide my natural shape. It makes me feel even more self-conscious to wear fitted clothes. I don't need to give another person a reason to pinch or prod at my fat.

While pulling on my sneakers, I hear a car slowly approaching. I run over to the window to check. Yes, it is her. Arriving in a chauffeured black Rolls Royce. A Mercedes or standard BMW being too low-brow for her grand entrance.

I can't face her yet. I just can't. Run it is. I know that if I were to go out the front door or even the back, I might be seen. I wait for my sister to get out of the car and give her due diligence to look around the property as if she needed to make a mental list of everything that should be rectified while she is here.

The minute I hear the front door open, I unlatch the lock on my window, raising it up and creep out slow and careful to ensure I don't fall. I carefully guide myself on the shingles of our newer roof to the side and slowly climb down the trellis, landing swiftly on my feet as I jump the last couple of feet down to the ground. I look in the window and see that no one is near the kitchen, so I take off running.

Who says that I don't exercise?

I run through the high grass field desperate to get to the tree line and out of sight before anyone can see me. I slow my pace and allow my lungs a break as I head through the tall oaks. I know this small thicket of woods like the back of my hand. Two acres of woods are what separate our land from that of the Cullen's.

The Cullen's were one of the wealthiest families in the state. Established money. The only reason I knew them was because my mother used to work as a nanny for them when Mrs. Cullen had the twins; Edward and Alice. Since I was born close in age and out of the kindness of Esme's heart, my mother was permitted to bring me with her to work. This is what separated Esme from the rest of her high-brow society. Normally a lady of her stature would never allow for the staff's children to socialize with her own. Someone like me might teach them improper manners. Thankfully, Esme was kind.

As I approached the house I knew that I would have to go up the tree and directly into Alice Cullen's window. As kind as Esme was, she would feel the need to report back to my mother my unsuitable dress and unkempt hair.

I grew up in this house. Even if I wasn't permitted to sleep over until my sister was engaged to a Newton. Everything changed for my family when we were honored with marriage to a high-class family. In our society as it stood, when a lady married into a family with means, it was the duty to her betrothed to see that her family was greatly compensated and given rise in station. Afterall It would be embarrassing for someone in the upper class to be seen with their in-laws who were lower.

The minute my sister said, 'I do', my father was given a promotion within his department. No longer a common police officer, he was made a lead investigator. My mother was expected to not work and gave notice to the Cullen family. Working was for the poor. A woman above a certain station was never expected to work unless they were from established money and then only if they wished to. Their husbands should be able to provide. This idea alone made me never want to get married.

Our house underwent a complete renovation and all the land that we used to pay rent for was gifted to my father. Now that my family wasn't in the lower working class, thanks to Jessica and her Michael Newton, I was expected to learn the proper ways of society and becoming a lady so that I may have a suitable marriage when the time came. That time was now, and I hated feeling like a prize cow put out for show where they might as well place a flashing neon sign above my head stating, 'available for marriage.'

Why someone would ever want to marry me was beyond my comprehension. One of the reasons my sister was coming for a long overdue visit. She did not come with the idea of spending time with her family. No, she was coming because she needed to be sure that her family wasn't an embarrassment when her husband and his family visited the state this coming holiday season for the east region Christmas Ball. Jessica's main embarrassment was me.

"Bella?" Alice asked opening her window when she saw me.

"Sorry, I would have called but I realized when I jumped down from my room, I had forgotten my phone. You know there was no way I would be able to get back upstairs without being seen."

I climbed onto the roof and watched out for the one tile that usually slipped me up.

"Jessica's here?"

I nodded.

Alice understood my plight. She was the kindest person I knew. Someone of her standing should never be friends with someone like me. No, I am not saying that because of the pecking order, that since Alice being a Cullen was from established money whereas my family was granted money, she should not want to be seen with me. Alice was on track to marry into one of the wealthiest families from down south. A friend like me; fatter and unappealing might have the ability to drag her down. But Alice was like her mother. Kind. She didn't care what people thought of our association.

There were only a handful of established money families in the state. Established meaning those who were blessed for centuries with their financial proclivities and people like our family who married into established money were gifted money. Or granted money. The whole thing was rather ridiculous if you asked me. Who cares how much money we had or how we came to have it? Oh, that's right, everyone.

Alice and I were best friends since we were four. Edward, Alice and I were thick as thieves growing up. Three best friends. Edward was like me. He too had a little problem in the weight department. We used to sneak off to the kitchen and while one of us distracted the staff, the other would ferret away some cookies or leftover cakes. I loved Edward. He was the first boy I ever loved. He even kissed me once, but no one could ever know about that. Not even Alice.

However, since we were nearing our teens, Edward was put on a strict diet and exercise regiment and the more weight he lost, the more he wouldn't hang out with me anymore. Now he was off over in Europe at school and from what Alice told me, his father was not too pleased since apparently, he was sleeping in classes and having lots of sex and drinking himself silly.

Occasionally, Alice would show me a picture of her brother and I could feel my body tingle just looking at him. He was so incredibly attractive. No longer pudgy but with muscles completely defined. It was the picture I would hold in my head when I was alone at night and able to touch myself in private. If my mother knew, she would skin me alive for having thoughts on a man who would never be my husband.

"So, when did the little troll arrive?" Alice asked.

I sighed and flopped down to her couch.

"Just now. I couldn't face her yet. I need my strength."

"Oh Bella, I wish you didn't have to see her. She is so cruel. She makes my blood boil. I can't wait until Jasper and I are wed. Don't worry, I will be sure to give your sister a proper education then. She may be with a Newton, but I will be with a Whitlock. Whitlock's always trumped Newtons."

Yes, Whitlock's do trump Newtons, but a male Cullen would trump them all. Edward and whomever he decided to wed, that girl's class would rise immediately.

"Well, I can't wait to see the look on her face come that day. Have you and Jasper set a date yet?"

Alice went over and sat back down at her vanity. She began to run a brush through her gorgeous chestnut brown hair.

"Not yet but his father and my father are in their final negotiations, so it will be only a matter of days before I can finally pick a date. I was thinking next summer but that feels like forever and day. I don't think I can wait that long…especially for sex."

I laughed and shook my head.

"Are you horny, Alice?" I giggled.

"Aren't you? My god, I can't wait to have sex. I think I will make a little negotiation of my own with Jasper. See to it that he gives me sex everyday…perhaps twice a day. Not only to have babies but because I know that once I start, I won't want to stop."

Hearing her go on about sex made me want it to but who the hell would ever have sex with me? Plus, I'm sure when my parents or sister found someone to take me on, they would want me to be pure. Sometimes it felt that was all I was good for. To my family, a possible financial gain and to my 'husband' one good pop of the cherry to stake his flag in to claim.

"I don't know if I will ever have sex. I think I would much rather be a spinster allowed to live her life however I wish. I would take having a job any day over a marriage."

"Oh, Bella. Don't say such things. Besides…. you work now so…not much would change."

She was lying. I didn't work. I "volunteered." I wasn't allowed to accept payment for my time because then people would think that my family was financially strapped and then we would bring shame to Michael Newton because he is after all responsible for our wellbeing by marrying my sister.

Currently, I volunteered at the local hospital where Alice's father, Carlisle Cullen worked. He was the chief of surgery there as well as having a financial claim in the hospital. He was the one who found me my volunteer position. At first, I would read to comatose patients or patients in the intensive care ward but lately, my job had changed. The hospital employees would call me the grim reaper. It was a silly joke. One I enjoyed but if my mother ever found out she would be horrified and expect me to quit straight away.

They called me the grim reaper because I wanted to sit with patients who had no one and were being taken off life support. No one should have to die alone. I took it upon myself to hold their hands or read to them so perhaps they would go peacefully knowing they weren't alone.

"I don't know Alice. I think I would rather take my chances with cats. Plus, if I was a cat lady then that would infuriate my sister and why would I pass up the chance to do that?"

"You sister would probably make your parents disown you. You wouldn't be able to afford cats. You would be a gutter baby."

"Awe, are you saying you wouldn't take me in and let me work for you? You know I can cook. I would make a fine chef for your budding family."

Alice set her brush down and turned to me.

"I would never let you work for me. Of course, I would take you in," she replied seriously. "Bella, there is something I want to ask you. I hope you will agree to it. It would mean the world to me."

Somehow our light conversation had turned serious.

"Would you be my maid of honor?"

My mouth slowly dropped open.

"You can't be serious," I replied.

"I am very much serious. You know I love you. You are my best friend. I can't imagine anyone else I would want to stand by my side on the happiest day of my life."

I slowly shook my head.

"Your mother would never agree to it. I mean…Esme is a dear but look at me? They would never want this to blemish your pictures," I replied waving my hand up and down my body.

"I don't care what my mother thinks or anyone else for that matter. True, you will have to wear a dress and do your hair and makeup. You can't come in jeans and a baggy t-shirt," she joked.

I threw a pillow from off her couch at her.

"Is that a yes or what?" Alice asked again.

I shook my head and laughed.

"Of course. I would be honored."

I stood up and went to hug her. A sense of dread filled my stomach when I thought of standing in front of all those people, but I would do it for Alice. Odd thing was, this kind of honor was something that might get my sister off my back. Being seen at the right hand of a Cullen on her wedding day did carry a certain clout.

I knew I couldn't spend my whole day with Alice as much as I wanted to. It would only take a couple of hours before my mom would send out a search party for me, so I shimmed down Alice's tree and headed back towards my house.

I had hoped my father would be home by the time I returned. He was always softer on me when Jessica would come. I knew my mother would take Jessica's side no matter what she said or did. It wasn't my mother's fault. Technically, Jessica was higher in class now with her marriage, so my mom would have no choice but to listen to Jessica and give her words weight.

"You better get in there. I think your sister is mighty upset with your disappearance," Miss Cope said as I came through the back door into the kitchen. We only gained Mrs. Cope after my sister marriage. She did all the standard housework and cooking.

I could hear my mother and Jessica talking in the dining room. It was tea time. I look down and see my pants are muddy and my shirt stained with sweat. I should sneak up to my room and shower, but I decided to go a different route.

"Good afternoon," I announced entering the formal dining room. My sneakers pounding on the soft wooden floors.

"Bella!" Jessica says my name in disgust.

"Bella, I told you to ready yourself. What is your explanation for this?" My mother asked.

"My apologies. I will dash upstairs and come back when I am acceptable."

"And just how long will that take?" my sister said nearly under her breath.

"Jessica," my mom scolded.

"Well…just how long am I expected to wait? From the looks of Bella, I will be here the rest of the year if I am to have any luck in managing her care."

I stopped in my tracks and turned around.

"Please don't go to any trouble, Jessica. You need not waste your time on me. In fact, how about we make a deal? You leave me be and I will be sure to make myself scarce when you're in-laws come this winter," I offered.

"Ugh," Jessica responded in disgust. "You think that my in-laws are just going to forget about my fat sister? They will want to see that some progress has been made since the wedding. How do you think it will make me look when they see you? They will be worried that daddy may have to sell the farm in order for someone to take his un-prized pig. And who do you think will be responsible for that dowry? Me and my well-connected husband."

For a brief moment, I forgot myself and hauled off to smack her straight across the face.

Jessica stood there staring at me. Oh, that's right, the slap was a pure fantasy that my mind played on me.

"Marriage agrees with you, Jessica."

A common greeting. She narrowed her eyes knowing that my words were insincere.

"And I don't see how it will ever agree with you!"

"Then deny me! Please. I would much rather spend my days on the streets than to put up with you!"

Now she had done it.

"Bella!" My mother snapped. "Stop it. She will not be denying anyone. Now go upstairs and for the love of god, throw away that entire outfit!"

"No, by all means, keep the outfit. It will be something you can wear when we start our exercising regiment. I have hired the best trainer in the western states to come and deal with you," Jessica said.

I wanted to fire back a snappy retort but stopped myself.

"I will gladly meet your trainer. But I am doing this for Alice and not you. Alice Cullen has asked me to be her maid of honor and I accepted."

My mother screamed out in joy and covered her mouth before it could provide further embarrassment. Jessica looked nearly offended.

"Oh, Bella! What a great honor," my mother praised bringing me in for the first genuine hug she gave me since I was a child.

"Did you get Esme's blessing? I doubt she would approve of this," Jessica replied.

I rolled my eyes.

"No, but Alice doesn't care. She wanted me."

Jessica shook her head.

"Alice Cullen always was a loon. I don't know how she ever convinced a Whitlock to look her way." Jessica said sounding a tad jealous.

"Be careful, Jessica. You are speaking down about a Cullen. What would people think if they knew of your harsh words? Do I need to remind you of your place? Should I run up and draw you a chart?"

"I don't need a chart. I know all the prominent families. Far better than you will ever know."

I snorted out loud which made Jessica's face turn green with repulsion.

"I only need to know one family. Cullen's trump them all," I sang turning on my heel and leaving the dining room.

I could hear her, and my mother continue discussing my sad nature as my feet traveled up the stairs and toward the shower. I was never one for bubble baths but knowing that it would keep me away from Jessica, I decided that now was the time to invest in some time alone.

I laid in our clawfoot bathtub and closed my eyes to listen to the birds outside my window while I thought about Alice's offer for maid of honor. Any normal girl would be giddy at the thought. I had never been a maid of honor before. Jessica would have laughed out loud or possibly cracked a smile if I ever asked to be her maid of honor when the time came to select someone. I was a bit surprised that I was even invited to the wedding. I wished I hadn't been. The looks on the faces of Michael Newton's family was enough to make me never want to leave my bedroom again. I hadn't seen them since and that was over three years ago.

After Alice and Jasper received their official permission to marry from their fathers, then the imaginary clock would be set. Jasper would take ownership of their new estate. Alice would be permitted to move into a guest suite until the day of their wedding and then after they said their vows, Alice would move into their bridal suite where forever she would stay with Jasper.

Every event up until the wedding would be planned out extensively and since I was the maid of honor, I would need to be ready to see to Alice's happiness. All while wearing a dress, I shuttered at the thought.

I sunk down deeper into my bathtub and let my hair wash clean under the water. My face is fully submerged. It was all so peaceful. What I wouldn't give to be left alone. Not my sister's problem. Not my father or mothers. Just left to be my own person.

I dream of what that life would look like if I wasn't forced to worry about marriage and the class system that had become so ingrained in our society. I think of South America. White sandy beaches. Hot perfect weather and exotic men who perhaps I could find one to think of me as attractive. I could have a job. Something honorable like a teacher or nurse. I would have children when I was ready, and they would be perfect. I try and picture my imaginary family, but a husband's face does not appear. My children fade away like sand being blown aside and my picture shows only me. Alone.

A loud bang on the door wakes me from my sad silly fantasies.

"Bella, you must get out soon. Dinner will be ready, and your father should arrive any moment," Mrs. Cope yells through the white wooden door.

I pull the plug on my bath and groan as I heave myself up and out. Mrs. Cope has left me enough time to blow dry my wet head so that I may give off a better impression. My naked body stands in front of the mirror and I hate that I immediately cringe at my rolls. I don't care what people think. I don't care what people think. I recite this over and over even if I don't believe a word of it.

I settle on dress pants and a dark green top. It is significantly a step up from what I wore previously that day, but I doubt it will placate my sister. When I do finally arrive downstairs, I can tell that everyone in the house is in a flurry of excitement.

My father sits in his comfy chair while he and my mother talk excitedly.

"There you are. Guess what just arrived?" My mother sings as she waves an ivory card around in her hand.

I shrug and hide partly behind the wall separating me from the living room.

"Oh, Bella. Stop standing like that. Straight up and proper. With lines like these, you can easily shave off a couple of pounds," she models to me how she wants me to stand. She looks like a swan attempting to straighten out its neck. Awkward and displeasing to my eye.

She pulls me into the room and I hear Jessica's heels click down the steps behind me. And here we go for round two.

"Jessica, look what just came." My mother has now forgotten me and moved onto her favorite daughter. She presents the ivory card to Jessica.

"Esme Cullen wishes to have tea with Bella tomorrow afternoon. This must mean she will approve Alice's choice for maid of honor. Can you imagine what this will mean for our family?"

"Mother, its just tea and…a bridal position. It's not a guaranteed marriage proposal. I don't know what everyone is getting so excited for."

"I can't believe it. My little Bella standing beside a Cullen on her wedding day. I am mighty proud of you," my father said acting as if he hadn't heard a word from my sister.

"She hasn't been little in over a decade," Jessica grumbled.

"I have to figure out what I am going to wear," my mother squealed.

It was customary for my mother to attend alongside me until I was married because only after marriage would I gain the insight to be able to speak for myself. However…

"No mother. I will attend with Bella," Jessica declared.

Since my sister was a station above my mother, she had the authority to come and speak on my behalf.

"No. Come on…" I complained.

I see the light go out in my mother's eyes as she sits down like a scolded puppy.

"Esme Cullen is as worthy as they come. I would think you would want someone like me to stand on your behalf and accept this honor. I will see to it that Esme knows that when it comes to representing our family, I will do everything in my power to make you acceptable."

I look over and plead with my father. The light has gone out in his eyes too.

"Bella…she makes a good case. I'm sure Jessica will have your best interest at heart," my father replied quietly.

I want to throw a tantrum, but I refrain. I want to run upstairs and scream into my pillow until my voice is hoarse, but I refrain. I want to shove my steaming chicken pot pie into my sisters face while at dinner, but I don't. Why? Because I am not that girl.

I see my future now. It is not in South America with some exotic husband or beautiful children. My future is being under my sisters' thumb for the rest of my life. Even if I did marry eventually, Jessica would always be higher in society. I would never get out from under her.

Unless….

I married someone higher than a Newton.


	2. Chapter 2

The following story takes place in an alternate universe in the modern day.

CHAPTER TWO

"Faster Bella! Harder Bella!"

I had dreamed of a man screaming these words at me many times. Usually, I would be alone in my bed having a dirty fantasy of Edward Cullen as he pushed inside me. Faster Bella. Harder Bella.

However, this time was not a fantasy. This time was hell.

"Come on, Bella. Keep up!" my sister screamed.

Jogging around in her spandex hot pink tiny outfit, my sister is taking far too much pleasure in my pain. Her trainer Jacob Black has made the trip all the way from California to be here and turn my lumpy butt into something respectable. He'd have to be a damn miracle worker for the amount of money Jessica was paying him. My apologies. I mean to say, Michael Newton is paying him.

Jacob Black is exactly the kind of man that makes me nervous. His body is so full of muscles that I wonder what would happen if he ever ate some actual fat. I nearly laugh as I picture him eating a cheeseburger and then his muscles going to war as it attempts to settle in his stomach. People like Jacob Black would take one look at someone like me and run to the nearest toilet to vomit.

"Pain is just weakness leaving the body. Your sweat is your fat crying."

Oh, god! I don't know what is worse. He stupid clichés or the physical pain I am in as I push this damn tire up the hill.

My sister kicked me out of bed at five a.m. With our tea time being set for three pm at the Cullen estate, she wanted to see that I was able to fit my first workout in while still having enough time to make myself presentable.

After dinner was over the previous night I ran to my room to locate my phone. I fired off a text message to Alice.

Troll is coming for tea

She sent me back a winky-face emoji. At least I would warn her of the plague that was about to set upon her house. However, with the way this Jacob Black was working me out, I might not be able to make it to tea. My arms nearly felt like they were about to fall off and stomach felt strained from all the pushing I was doing.

I let go of the tire and let it roll down the hill to find its final resting place. Final because I was not about to do that again.

"Bella!" My sister screeched.

"I'm done for today," I declared.

My shirt was stained in sweat. Not a clean mark left on it and my legs felt disgusting in the creases between where my legs met my pelvis. My hair felt as if I had just gone through a shower.

"It's okay, Bella. Rome wasn't built in a day. Good start," he said smacking me on the back. "Watch those carbs and eat lots of leafy greens and lean protein. Remember hunger makes the perfect sauce and eating right is half the battle. I know you are in it to win it!"

"Great," I replied sarcastically before turning to leave.

"Bella, don't you think you should thank him. He did fly all the way out here for you," Jessica said.

He didn't fly all the way out here for me. He flew all the way out here because your hubby paid him a shit-ton of money to do so.

"Thank you, Jacob," I replied sweetly.

I turned around and rolled my eyes to head off toward the house.

"Be ready to leave by two-thirty and for the love of God be sure to take a proper shower." I hear my sister yelling after me. I don't turn her way or give any sign of acknowledgment. "I mean it, Bella. I want to inspect you before we go."

I hear her begin to discuss with Jacob Black any hope he has for my dire situation. I hear her tell him that she has already spoken to Mrs. Cope and had her empty the pantry for anything fattening.

I step into my cold shower and welcome the frosty feeling that sends shivers throughout my body. I slowly turn the dial to add heat and let the water fall over my body to wash away the sweat. I know that whatever I have in my closet will not be good enough for the likes of Jessica, but I still mentally go through it and try to find a suitable outfit for tea with Esme and Alice.

When I exit out of my bathroom, I see that all the time I have spent thinking over my dress options were all for not. Laid out on my bed is a royal blue dress that I despise. I dislike it so much because it shows off my rolls when I sit. How my mother ever thought that this would be appropriate is beyond me. The only way it will look halfway decent is if I wear a girdle underneath it. I hate wearing girdles in the summer months.

A small breakfast is sent up to my room. A four-ounce glass of milk. Two eggs and some turkey sausage. I want to throw it out the window and rifle through my hidden stash, but I don't. As much as I want to stick it to Jessica, I know that losing a couple of pounds would make it easier on Alice. All eyes may be on her during this wedding season, but they will also be looking to me and it was not my intention to cause undue stress to Alice as she fielded questions over why she would choose someone like me to stand beside her on the most important day of her life.

I go down and await Jessica's 'inspection.' My mother comes out and wells up near tears at the sight of me. She walks over and pulls at my dress attempting to make it look a little more appealing. Telling me to straighten up and stand tall.

"Suck in the stomach," my sister orders when she sees me.

"I cannot suck my stomach in the entire event, Jessica."

"You are representing the Swan family." She looks down at my dress and sighs. "We must go shopping. Even if you are plus size there is no excuse for wearing such unflattering clothes."

I rolled my eyes.

"I don't know what you are so stressed about. I have known the Cullen family since I was young. I'm sure they won't put nearly as much thought into my wardrobe as you have," I replied.

"No, Bella. You don't know the Cullen's. You only think you know them because you were fortunate enough to befriend one as a child and for some reason she has kept you around. We are speaking about a wedding. Probably the most affluent wedding of the year. This is not tea among friends. It is a business transaction and you will be lucky if the Cullen's decide to buy what you are selling. Now, let's go."

The only positive thing I will say about Jessica was that she deemed me worthy enough to ride along in her chauffeured car. I never had the pleasure of sitting in a high-priced car until that point. I could hear the soft leather squeak underneath my bottom as I kept fidgeting from side to side feeling my nerves come the closer we drove toward the Cullen's main house. Jessica would smack me in the arm a couple of times to remind me to sit still but her words had gotten to me. What if Esme is unpleasant because she made a lapse in judgment all those years ago by allowing me to fraternize with her children. Now she would pay the price when all of society scrutinized every single detail of her young daughter's wedding event.

The car pulled up to the front of the house. I had been here nearly every day of my life and yet this was the first time that the house looked overwhelming. Four long high columns went across the main entrance and probably twenty or, so windows served the face of the mansion. The tall oaks did their best to keep the home in the shade. I stepped out of Jessica's fancy rental and pulled my purse in front of me.

I felt a surge of relief when Alice bounced out the front door in a flowery white dress and an enormous baby pink bow on the side of her head.

"That's one mighty bow you got there," I laughed, feeling silly for ever allowing Jessica's words to get the better of me.

"That's not how you greet a person," Jessica admonished.

Alice was modeling her bow and laughed.

"Of course, that is how you greet a friend. Come on up, friend…and friend's…sister."

Alice made great work in acknowledging Jessica and I nearly squealed in delight at my sister's face knowing she couldn't say a word against Alice.

Stiffly, Jessica made her way up to the top of the steps while I bounced up them to greet my friend with a hug. Note to self, no more stairs the rest of the day. I could already feel my body pained from the early morning workout.

"Come on in. The tea is nearly ready, and my mother will be down in just a moment," Alice welcomed as her maid Rebecca came to take our purses.

We walked through the house and towards one of the smaller dining rooms. Our heels echoing throughout the grand hall as they tapped away on the polished marble floors. This particular dining room was one I had come to love the most because of its high windows and being next to the garden. It was a lovely room.

A small round table was laid out before us with all the expected furnishings. I felt my stomach lurch when I saw that Rebecca's famous tea cakes were on the stand. How I loved her tea cakes, but I would be lucky if Jessica allowed for even one to grace my plate.

"Hello, ladies," Esme said walking in. She was dressed in a flowy pale blue sundress. The ease that she walked should be illegal in the high heels she was wearing.

"Mrs. Cullen," I greeted.

"Hello, Mrs. Cullen. Thank you so much for having us here today," my sister pushed past me to stretch out her hand to give Esme's hand a gentle squeeze. A common greeting among women. We were not to shake a hand. That was too masculine. A nice soft squeeze was far more appreciated.

Alice gave me a look and I squashed my smile, so it wouldn't be so apparent.

"Let's have a seat."

We all took our places around the table.

Rebecca came straightaway to pour the tea. When she was finished, she picked up the plate of cookies and teacakes and began to walk around the table always starting with Esme first, moving on to Alice then Jessica and of course I was last. I see Jessica give me a warning eye the moment the tray is in front of me. I want to fill my plate up, but I would never embarrass Esme in that fashion to get back at my sister. So, I politely shake my head and refrain.

"Are you sure, Bella. I had Rebecca make them for you special," Esme said.

"That's so sweet of you. Then, I guess it would be poor manners of me to decline," I replied taking one off the tray and looking to Jessica as I took the first bite. I see her jaw is tense. I know I will pay for this. Most likely with more annoying clichés from my new trainer, Jacob. But, damn that cake was worth every second of pain he would throw my way.

"It's a shame your mother couldn't make it. I was always so fond of her," Esme began.

"Well, I assure you, Mrs. Cullen, I am all too happy to represent the Swan family," Jessica said even though Esme was clearly speaking to me.

"So, as I am sure Alice has told you. She would like to officially request you stand by her side on her big day. Jasper and Alice have been given our and the Whitlock's approval to marry. We would be honored to include you on that special day."

I feel my face go slightly red. An honor to have me included?

"Mrs. Cullen…" I begin to say.

"Of course, Bella would be honored. I am sure that you have some reservations. As I speak for the Swan family and Bella, I assure you that I will do everything in my power to see to it that Bella does not embarrass your family."

Esme gives Jessica a look of astonishment.

"Embarrass? How could Bella's presence ever embarrass us? Mrs. Newton, I assure you that the Cullen family has a long-respected history. It would take quite a feat to embarrass our family. But, I understand. You are new to society and our ways. Perhaps in time, you will learn."

Jessica looked like she had just been smacked across the face and by Esme's words, she had. I see as Jessica's mind is working to find the appropriate apology, but she comes up with nothing because she does not want to apologize to Esme.

"You know, Mrs. Newton, I understand that you believed that today would warrant someone to come and accept this great honor on Bella's behalf, but your presence is not needed. It is up to Bella to accept. If Bella does not want to stand beside my daughter on her happy day, she need only to say."

"No, of course, I would love that honor," I spoke up before Esme would believe differently.

"Bella cannot accept without our family's permission. Or should I remind you of our ways," Jessica challenged.

I felt my mouth drop and eyes nearly bugged out of their sockets. I looked over to Alice hoping to convey some sort of apology with my eyes, but she was not looking my way. No, Alice looked as if she were enjoying the show with a funny little grin on her face. The audacity Jessica had was appalling. I wanted to say something against her, but she was technically right. It still burned me that she would ever speak to my friend's mother with such disrespect.

Esme didn't even seem phased. In fact, she even laughed a little. She placed down her teacup and tilted her head to the side.

"Do you dare question me?" she asked with an inquisitive sly smile. "Mrs. Newton, I am afraid that your time in my house has come to an end. If you attempt to stop your sister from accepting this honor, I will be sure to ruin your name. Your husband will rue the day he ever looked your way. You will be the downfall to all Newtons and I would love nothing more than to see you hurled back down to the gutter for your indecency. Have I made myself clear?"

I see Jessica has turned as pale as Alice's dress. She swallows and nods curtly without giving an audible response.

"Rebecca, would you please show Mrs. Newton to the door." Esme turns to me and holds out a kind hand, "Don't fret, Bella. We will see to your safe arrival home when the time comes."

Jessica stands up slowly and without another word, she stiffly walks with Rebecca out of the room.

"Now that she has been dealt with. Why don't we really enjoy ourselves?" Esme says handing me the tray of teacakes.

I shyly laugh and take another cake.

I can't imagine all the ways that Jessica will let me have it when I am home, so I take my time and enjoy my afternoon. When the tea is over, I follow Alice back up to her bedroom, so we could talk more privately. I hear loud obnoxious music come from down the hall as we approach Alice's bedroom.

I pause at Alice's door as she walks down to the end and bangs loudly on the door.

"Keep it down! There is more than just you inhabiting this side of the house!" Alice screamed.

It then occurred to me that she was speaking to Edward. That was Edward's old room. I was never permitted entrance because it would be wrong for a young girl to enter a boy's room. The music ceased, and the door opened.

"Always such a killjoy," Edward said looking down at his twin sister.

I felt my face flush and I immediately slide into Alice's room hoping he wouldn't see me. I hadn't seen or spoken to Edward Cullen in over six years. But, I guess when you are as big as me, you tend to be easily noticed.

"Who was that?" I heard Edward ask his sister.

"Who do you think?" Alice snapped. "Bella obviously."

Silence.

"Oh…uh…have fun," he replied and then I heard the loud bang come from Edward closing his door.

Alice walked back into her room and found me sitting on the couch doing my best to hide behind a pillow.

"You could have said hello. You two haven't seen each other in ages."

I shook my head.

"It's okay. I doubt Edward even remembers me."

Alice gave me a look.

"My brother may be stupid but all that drinking and sex he's been doing while in London didn't ruin his memory. In fact, I don't even know if there is a memory from my childhood that didn't include you so of course, Edward would remember you."

I shook my head and looked around for a topic to get Alice off her brother.

"So…what did you think about tea?"

Alice laughed and fell backward into her four-poster canopy bed.

"I must have been a very good girl in my previous life to be able to witness that takedown. I had hoped Jessica would dig her own grave and she did not disappoint."

"Still…I am a tad nervous about what will await me when I get home. I will replay that scene however every single day for the rest of my life the second my sister starts in on me."

"Oh, Bella. I know you have this warped thinking that societal pressures dictate everything but if you stood up for yourself, what would be the worst thing Jessica could do?"

"Well, for starters she could deny me and make my parents deny me. I'm sure my mother would but it would kill my father to do so. You don't know because you are a Cullen. Someone in our family's position would be shoved back down the ladder. My mother would be forced to work. As much as I want to work, I know she does not. My father could be demoted, and our house could be taken away if the Newton's refuse to pay one more cent. So, I must continue to pucker up and kiss her butt because I could never tell her off and cause all these repercussions to my family. We are owned."

Alice sat up and gave me a sad look.

"I am so sorry. I never thought of it like that. I swear on all that is holy, if there was ever a way to take down Jessica so you wouldn't be affected, I would gladly give up my wedding to do so."

I laughed and waved my hands at her.

"Don't you even think of it. Why your wedding is going to be thee social event of the year and it just so happens, I shall play a very important role that could even bring a man my way…or so I have been led to believe."

I wondered if Jessica would say anything to my parents about what happened at the Cullen residence. When I arrived home, the house seemed absent of all activity. My father was probably still at work and who knows where my mother would have gone. I entered the house feeling as if I was trapped in a scary movie and around the wrong corner a masked man wielding a knife would be ready for me. But, I was able to make it to my room without a hint of Jessica's whereabouts.

I walked into my room and closed the door and nearly jumped straight out of my skin when I saw Jessica hiding behind the door.

"Back so soon?" she asked quietly.

"What are you doing in here?"

She may have certain liberties over me but hiding away in my bedroom was not one of them. She had changed out of her tea dress and was wearing her signature white pearl set, a black cashmere sweater, and nice pants. How anyone could wear a sweater in this weather was beyond me. Perhaps the devil kept hell extra cold for people like Jessica.

"Bella. I have decided to go ahead and allow you to participate in Alice's wedding. Even if her mother was horribly disrespectful to our family, if she wants you so bad, she can have you. I know it will only be a matter of time before you do something to screw up the wedding events and I can't wait to be there on that day."

I scoffed and shook my head slightly.

"What did I ever do to make you hate me so much?"

I see her narrow her eyes. She does truly hate me.

"You have no idea what it was like growing up for someone like me who had a sister like you."

Her words already hit me square in the chest and she hasn't even finished.

"I didn't want to be a gutter baby. Working every day like a slave because I married poor like our parents. I worked my ass off to make something of myself, so I could turn a head or two praying that no one would know what kind of family I came from. See my fat sister who didn't care about ever finding a man. A sister who would be happy to be another drain on society. I overcame all of that and now I have everything I ever wanted, and I will be damned if you or someone like Esme Cullen tries to take that away from me. You want cake? Go ahead and eat until your stomach bursts. I am through helping you. Show Esme what kind of embarrassment you really are. Happy wedding season, Fatella."

She pushed past me and slammed the door behind her.

I am left alone, and I catch sight of myself in the long-standing mirror in the corner of my room. My dress is creased in all the places that my fat strained to get out when I would sit in it. I feel the tears slowly fall down my face.

In a fit, I pull off my stupid heels and throw them at the mirror, but my poor aim causes them to miss. I pry myself out of the tight dress and breathe a sigh of relief the moment the girdle is off my body. I pull on some jeans and a big shirt.

I could sit in my room like a good little girl and cry over my sister's harsh words. I think about what Alice said about standing up for myself and how I always buy into all of society's expectations. A thought occurs to me and I am down the steps and making my way to the refrigerator before I know it. No, I was not looking for something to eat. I had a different plan in mind.

I grab a bag from out of the cupboard and fill it up. The clanking of the glasses causes a racket. The minute I am out the backdoor with my bag, I feel the cooler air hit my face and it is a small taste of freedom.

I want to cry but I don't. Anger fueling me I head off towards the woods to this old fallen tree that is my solace in times like these. I have come to this tree all my life when I was hurt or angry. I place the bag down and pull out one of my father's beers. I have never taken a drink of alcohol. It would be wrong since I am only eighteen. Alcohol was something ladies should only partake in after they were married and only on special occasions.

Screw being a lady!

I twist off the top and take a swig. I nearly choke as the liquid tastes no better than drinking my urine. It is rather disgusting. How could anyone willingly choose to drink something so vile? I tell myself this and yet, I keep drinking it. Each sip is a middle finger to Jessica. To society. To being a lady.

I get through one whole bottle. I should just give it up and take the rest back home.

I reach down and grab another and twist off the top. I toss the empty bottle to the ground. I will deal with you later.

"My my. Now, what would the ladies over at Kenzie Court think of this?"

I nearly fall off my log as the voice catches me off guard, but I am not that tipsy. I don't think. I slowly turn and see him. Edward Cullen. I take a breath and hold up my bottle.

"Take a picture and put it on Time Magazine. Headline…legs are open for breeding," I replied sarcastically.

Edward smirks and steps closer. His dress is out of place for a stroll in the woods. Dress shoes and a button-up green shirt with slacks. If I am too underdressed, Edward is my opposite.

"Well, it's good to see you haven't changed. Other than the underage drinking and sarcasm."

I shook my head. Okay, now I am starting to feel the effects from the liquid urine I have ingested.

"What do you want?" I quietly asked with a dash of annoyance.

Edward walked around and sat down near me.

"Mind if I have one?"

I shake my head and give him the sign to go ahead. He reaches down and pulls up two. Setting one aside for later I imagine. He pops off the top and takes a long swig. His eyes don't even flinch at the first taste of the disgusting concoction.

"So, what are you running away from? I know you only came here when you were upset."

How does he even remember this? I mean, we haven't been friends for years. Even before he left to go to school in England, he had stopped being friends with me nearly a year before that.

"You have no idea how lucky you are to be a Cullen."

I don't know why I am being so honest. I guess this damn stuff was like truth serum.

Edward barks out a laugh.

"And here I was just thinking, what on earth could Bella Swan be upset about. She has no idea how lucky she is to not be a Cullen."

I nearly snort.

"Easy for you to say when you can do whatever you want and be whatever you want. You sit at the top of the proverbial food chain. You don't have to answer to anyone," I replied.

He shakes his head and downs the beer.

"Bella, you don't know anything about me," he scoffed.

I dare not look at him. In fact, since he showed up I have a hard time looking at him. Afraid that if I take in the sight of him fully I won't be able to stop myself from blushing and there is only so much embarrassment a girl can take.

"How about we make a deal. You tell me your big woe and I will share mine with you. Whoever has it worse, they will get the last beer," he offered.

I laughed and looked at him for the first time.

"They're my beers," I noted.

"True. Okay, fine. If I win, I get your beer. If you win…you get whatever you like of mine."

My face must have looked perplexed because I can't imagine any other face when given that kind of cryptic offering. It was a tad wrong of Edward to say something so forward. What did he expect me to ask of him? I knew what I wanted but it would be completely inappropriate of me to request. Still, I didn't want our conversation to end. This was already turning to be the very best part of my day.

"Okay. You're on."


	3. Chapter 3

CHAPTER THREE

I was beginning to see why people liked this alcohol stuff. The more I drank, the duller my taste buds became to it. Plus, this beer was scoring some major time to talk with Edward. After we decided on our little wager, we fought over who should go first.

"You came here first, so you go first," Edward argued.

"No, that is not the rule. The person who goes first should be the person who steals the other person's beer."

Edward chuckled. "Perhaps you should think about cutting yourself off. You make no sense, Bella." He reaches to take my beer, but I pull back and nearly fall off the log. He reaches out to grab ahold of me to save me from falling backward.

"Okay, fine. Why don't we just rock, paper and scissors to decide." His hand is still on my wrist, so everything is a bit fuzzy at the moment.

"Bella?" He asked to get my attention.

"Fine," I agreed.

He let's go and we both take our positions. He always chooses rock, so I go for paper. My mouth drops open when he switches it up and chooses scissors.

"You cheated," I accused.

"How did I cheat? You can't cheat at rock, paper, scissors. I just outfoxed you."

I huffed and scowled into my beer.

"Best two out of three?" I offered.

"No! Go, now."

I sighed and shook my head. Where was I to even begin? How could I tell this man of my plight in life? He would never understand or worse, he would make fun of me for it.

"Come on, Bella. My winning beer isn't getting any colder."

I stare out into the woods. It is completely dark now. I can see the stars in the sky and only the full moon gives us our light.

"My sister…she is a horrible person and she basically just told me that I make her life miserable by my very presence. Jessica and her fat sister, Bella. Just another stupid fat cow that will probably never marry so I bring shame on my family as well as being a financial burden. But, I shall endure. I will never get out. Never be rid of her."

I feel the tears that I was able to resist back at the house now set free. I am completely ashamed by them, so my head falls forward a smidge to allow my hair to create a perfect wall.

"All I want…I wish everyone would just leave me alone."

My beer is done so I throw it towards the ground making sure to miss the bottle that I had already dropped down to avoid it from breaking.

I don't hear a word from Edward. I can tell he hasn't even moved an inch. Not to take a drink of his beer or anything. Finally, I hear him sigh.

"Okay…your turn," I say wiping away my tears discreetly and sucking it all back in.

I hear him laugh humorlessly.

"It's funny. You and I have the same problem just different burdens."

I am brave enough to look at him now. He sits staring into the forest in front of him. The very last sip of his beer at the bottom of the bottle, begging to be finished.

"My father said that he will not turn over my share of my grandfather's inheritance if I don't marry by this time next year."

It was apparently my turn to laugh.

"Okay, so what's the problem. You're a Cullen. I'm sure you have twenty girls here of fine upstanding breeding waiting out on your front doorstep. Just pick one."

I believed that was the beer that was turning me into this kind of person. A forward, quite possibly rude person.

Edward scoffed and jumped down from the log, his feet cracking some twigs as he landed.

"Just pick one. Easy for you to say. Do you think I want to marry just anyone? Marry someone because it is what is expected. To not love or care for that person and know that the only reason they love or care about me is for my position and money? I too just want to be left alone. I like being able to sleep with whomever I want. I don't want to get married. I'm only eighteen."

I felt thoroughly scolded. He was right, I guess. We were both right. Why should we be put in this position at all?

"I'm sorry. You're right," I acquiesced. "I guess we both have the same problem. I need to get married to get my sister off my back and you need to, to get your father off yours."

Edward took his final swig. I jumped down from the tree and nearly lost my balance but quickly found it again. I reached down and picked up the bottles that I had littered and placed them in my now empty bag. Edward handed me his empty and then went to pull the last remaining full beer off the stump. I reached out to grab it from his hands and he pulled it back slightly and then tilted his head to look me over.

"What?" I asked.

"We have the same problem," he recited.

I shook my head and gave him a questioning look.

"Yes…and?"

"Bella, you and I have the same problem!"

"Is this what drunk feels like? Someone saying the same thing over and over again?" I asked confused.

"Don't you get it? We can fix each other's problem."

I am never drinking again. I am so confused.

"How?" I slowly asked.

"You need to get married to get your sister off your back. You need a rise in station that would be over hers. Who did she marry?"

"Michael Newton," I replied not understanding where he was going with this.

"Ugh! Your sister married a Newton? God, those people are awful," he replied shuttering slightly. "Anyway, as I was saying. You need to marry over a Newton and I need to marry in order to obtain my grandfather's inheritance."

He stopped looking at me in the face like it should become clear to me at any second. It wasn't becoming clear to me.

"I don't understand," I finally said after the silence was wearing thin on my nerves.

"Bella! We should get married!"

I looked down to my bag of empty bottles and opened the bag back up.

"Just how many of these did you drink tonight?" I mumbled.

"I am being serious," Edward said reaching out to shake my shoulder.

"No, you're not," I said slowly.

"Yes, I am," he replied a little more forcefully. "Think about it. You need a raise your station and I need to go on with my life, just as I am. I can… be who I want to be. This benefits you as well. You can work if you want to. I know you always dreamed of it. Even when we were kids. You can do whatever you want to do and your sister will have to listen to you for once. It is a win win situation."

I turned around and went to lean against the log while I tried to rub my head. I think the alcohol was hitting me a little too hard. Two beers and I was already feeling the aftermath.

"Edward," I said softly. "It would never work. No one would ever believe that someone like you would willingly choose someone like me unless dark forces were involved. You are being stupid."

Edward walked over and leaned against the log, mere inches from me.

"It's my decision whom I choose to marry, and I don't give a fuck what anyone says."

"You're wrong. Your parents still have to approve the union. So, do mine but I don't particularly see my parents needing the push. Your mother and father may be a dear to me especially since they have no cause other than human decency, but they will never allow for their son to marry someone so low and…" I finished up with a slow wave of my hand up and down my body.

"Leave me to deal with my parents. Contrary to what you may think. I believe my parents would have far accepted you to be their daughter over me."

I pushed away from the tree and dropped the bag.

"You are in serious need of psychiatric counsel. This will never work, Edward," I said hoping he would see reason.

"Why not, Bella? Give me one good reason."

He looked especially arrogant as he waited for me to respond. I didn't have to find one good reason because there were a hundred easily obtained.

"I have far more than just one."

"Go ahead," he replied folding his arms across his chest ready for the challenge.

"All right," I replied. I pulled myself back up on my log knowing how long this was going to take.

"What happens when you finally decide that you do want to get married to someone…that you love? What then? Do we get divorced? That is all well and good for you but for me, people will believe that I no longer have my virtue and therefore I am all used up. I would go back to being nothing but even less than before."

Edward sighed and looked around at the forest. There was a gentle breeze that I welcomed as it made its way through our woods. The leaves rustling; a sound that I had come to cherish.

"I will…declare this amicable and…you will get half. With half, you could do whatever your heart desired. Travel. Move. Work."

My mouth dropped open. It was rare for anyone of established money to provide so generously in the event of divorce. For Edward to want to give me half, it was unheard of. Divorce wasn't common but when it involved a person with established money who married a person lower in station, all the money would revert back to the higher station leaving the lower person practically a gutter baby. Unless the divorce was deemed amicable.

"Okay…and what happens when people expect us to deliver an heir?"

He smirked and gave me a look.

"We won't have to worry about that for a while. No one will pressure us about that until after the first-year. After that, I will have complete holdings on my inheritance, so I will not care what anyone thinks about us taking our time."

"What will you say when everyone constantly questions your choice? You think that because you are a Cullen that words won't be exchanged? People will look down on you for choosing someone like me. Do you think I want to hear what everyone will say about me? They already talk. I walk into a room and every girl in there looks at me like I am a disgusting plight on society. Every guy either ignores my presence or shutters at the thought of me. I am a joke and so is this. I can't even think about discussing this further. I might be stuck under my sister's thumb for the rest of my life but at the very least, as long as I am under her control, at least she is the only one to leave me such cruel remarks."

I slide off the tree once more and wiped my face from the damn tears that escaped.

"Bella," Edward said stopping me. "You are right. I am a Cullen. I would be damned if anyone ever said anything unkind against my fiancé. Trust me to handle this."

I squatted down and ran my hands through my long hair grunting out a frustrating sigh.

"My head hurts," I whispered.

"Why? Because you are searching for another excuse to not do this with me?"

I stood back up and looked him directly in the eye. For the first time in years. In fact, the first time since the day when he kissed me so many years ago. His perfect green eyes that used to work its spell on me and get me to do whatever he asked. Break into the kitchen and steal some teacakes. Sneak out of the house and meet up for late night swimming in the pond behind his house. But now, this was so much more than teacakes and late-night pond swimming.

"No, my head hurts because I am considering this."

Edward gave me a couple of seconds while I ran through every possible issue his plan could have. I should be jumping at this opportunity. He was offering me everything that I wanted. So why did I have this nagging sickly feeling in the pit of my stomach? For one thing, it was wrong. To deceive our parents, to begin with. Alice. Oh, god! How could I lie to Alice? She was my best friend.

"What is it?" Edward asked reading my face.

"I don't want to lie to Alice. She's been so kind to me. It would be wrong to lie to her."

Edward nodded.

"Then…we don't. I say we talk to her. When the time is right. We should tell her. She's my twin. She wants the best for me and she is your best friend, she wants the best for you. She will see the logic."

I nodded. That uneasy feeling loosening in my stomach only marginally. I was glad he wasn't going to expect me to lie to Alice. That was something. I continued with my worries racing around my head like a pinball machine.

"God, this is so frustrating. It would be easier if I could read your mind. At least then I could take down every one of your arguments."

Thank god, he couldn't read my mind. I can't imagine how embarrassing it would be if he could. Every dirty thought I ever had about him. Just thinking about it my face begins to flame. I am thankful that it is dark enough that the moon can't even out me. But, then that brings up a very interesting point I hadn't even considered.

"Okay…I have one final argument."

"I'm batting a thousand over here so bring it on, Swan," he replied faking a swing of his imaginary bat. Edward then readied himself like he was going into battle. He took a strong stance waiting for me.

"You do realize that for this to work, we can't just tell people we are getting married and then show our relationship with mere hand-holding. People will expect us to act in a certain way. You'll have to kiss me and make it believable. You'll have to touch me and not cringe. And it won't be just one time or a couple of days. It will be for months on end until we say, 'I do.' Do you really think you can pull that off? Because the last I heard, you were going pre-med, not the actor's path."

Edward stared at me for a very long second. I was glad he was finally coming to his senses on the whole thing. It was one thing to say that you wanted to marry your fat friend, so you can swindle your rightful inheritance away from your parents, but it was a whole other ball game to go through the motions and play the lie out in its entirety.

He took one slow step toward me and then another. He lightly pushed me up against the log. I was sure my eyes were about as wide as my mouth as it made a move to protest what he was going to do but nothing would come out. Suddenly his eyes closed, and his lips were against mine; moving.

I froze. Like an idiot, I froze just staring at him wide-eyed as his face was smashed into mine. His lips doing all the work. We had kissed when we were children, just once but it was not like this. I felt him open his eyes and pull back, sighing.

"You know, you too will have to pull this off. It would be nice if you could try and kiss me back. I can't make everyone believe this on my own."

My lips pressed into a hard line. I slowly nodded. He was right, but he was used to this. Kissing for someone like him would come easily. I didn't exactly have a lot of practice in that area.

"That's right. I…I don't foresee myself being that good of an actor," I replied.

He pushed back looking mildly offended.

"Is it hard for you to kiss me? Perhaps if you closed your eyes and pictured someone you would want to kiss, it might make it more believable."

"No, it's not that," I protested. I looked down once again embarrassed but he turned away trying to hide his face from my rejection.

"This isn't easy for me, Edward. You want me to say it out loud? Fine. I've never been kissed before. I would have thought that was apparent and need not be said but evidently, I was wrong. I am a loser with absolutely no prior experience. I don't know what I am doing. I can't just copy something I have seen from a movie. I don't think it works that way. So, forgive me if I don't think I can pull this off because I haven't spent the last six years rolling around London, kissing every willing girl in sight and sleeping with whomever, whenever. So, I guess my lack of experience throws a wrench in your plans."

Edward slowly turned back around, and his eyes began to appraise me while he rubbed his chin with his forefinger.

"Actually…I don't think it will."

I sighed and collapsed thinking that I had finally won but he was relentless with his proposal.

"Bella," he said crouching down to pull me back up. "Just give me a chance. Your inexperience might play to our favor if anyone thinks we are coming off awkward but, I have faith that eventually you will do just fine. We just…need a little practice is all. Practice that we will get when I am courting you."

I shake my head completely mystified at his unyielding nature.

"So, will you say yes? Marry me?"

How romantic.

I nearly laugh because his proposal even lacking finesse would probably be better than any proposal I would ever sincerely receive.

Think about it, Bella. Edward makes a good point. If he does everything that he says he will, you would be out from under your sister. You would make your parents proud. You could have a job like you always dreamed and receive payment for your work. Alice would be your sister, officially. Everything sounded like a plus.

Potentially negative outcomes.

"You're making that damn pro and con list again, aren't you?" Edward asked when I was taking too long to reply.

"Yes, if you must know."

He nearly snorted.

"You really have not changed," he replied shaking his head. "This has been fun. When was the last time we really talked like this?"

I felt a stab to my heart. He didn't remember but I certainly did.

I looked back at him. His perfect face only made better by the light from the moon. Even with the darkness, I can see his green eyes shine. He looked nothing of my best friend that I once had except those damn green eyes that could make me say yes to anything.

"Okay. I'll do it."

His smile lights up the forest. Damn perfect sparkling teeth.

"Okay," he agreed "First things first then."

He walked over and grabbed the last beer from off the log and picked up the bag of empty bottles.

"Let's go and officially meet your parents."

I froze in place.

"Now?"

I shook my head.

"No, now wouldn't be a good time. I mean…it's late and uh…you should probably get home for supper."

Edward laughed. "I am no longer a child, Bella. I don't have to be home when the street lamps come on. Besides, now is a perfect time if we want to establish the beginning of our courtship. Your family should nearly be ready to sit down for dinner. Would it be rude if I popped in and offered myself a place at your table?"

He began to walk towards my house, but I ran out and jumped in front of his path.

"Yes, it would be extremely rude. Plus…I'm not ready. What would I say? How would I explain? I don't know the first thing in having a boy…guy…courting…kissing…"

I was saying words but somehow, it seemed as if basic sentence structure escaped me.

"Calm down, Bella. You don't have to worry about a thing. This is my area of expertise. You just be the Bella we all love," he replied patting me on the head condescendingly.

I scowled, and he continued the path back to my house. I could feel myself begin to sweat and it wasn't from the long walk on a summer's eve. I made several protests. Sound arguments but he wouldn't hear of them.

"Why do we have to do this now?" I asked one last time as we were narrowing in on our destination.

"Because you think I don't remember you. Our friendship that we had once upon a time when we were children. As much as I thought you might have changed in all the years apart, you really haven't, and I know you, Bella. I remember everything," he replied giving me that look. "And I know if I let you go tonight without going through with what I am about to do, you will change your mind and by tomorrow call the whole thing off."

He pulled out the full bottle of beer and tossed the empties in our recycling bin.

"Do you want to go through the kitchen or front door?" he asked.

I sighed and made a move toward the front of the house. I pulled the full bottle out of his hands and placed it on our deck by the back door. My father would probably think he left it there on accident.

"My parents would never forgive me if I allowed a Cullen to come through our back entrance."

I feel my heart begin to race as it did when Edward Cullen placed his lips on mine. We climbed the three steps to our wraparound porch and I pulled open the screen door and then our fancy wooden door with the etched set-in glass. Just another upgrade from the Newtons.

"Mom. Dad," I called out as we walked through the front door.

"Smells delicious," I heard Edward say from behind me. "I suggest you invite me to dinner. It would be poor form for me to invite myself, but I will if I feel you aren't going to offer it."

I rolled my eyes. Day one and already a pest.

"Bella, there you are," my mother said coming to greet me. She froze the moment she saw our guest standing behind me.

"Mom, you remember Edward Cullen," I said.

"Mrs. Swan. A pleasure to make your acquaintance again. It's been so long."

Edward went up and placed his arms around my mother. A gesture too informal but she did help raise him once upon a time.

"Edward," my mother softly whispered.

"Uh…we met just up the road and were catching up, so I thought it would be nice to invite Edward to dinner for old time sake," I explained.

"I hope I am not intruding. I hadn't realized how late it had become. I would be wounded if I were to put you out by my acceptance of Isabella's invitation," he added smoothly.

My mother welds up with pride, "of course you are more than welcomed Edward. It has been so long, and I see you have grown into a fine upstanding gentleman. Let me go and tell Mrs. Cope to set the table for one more. Charlie, you ought to come out here and greet our guest."

"Mom, where is…Jessica?" I asked without being able to keep the worry from my voice.

"Oh, she said it was much too hot in here for any normal person and will take her dinner in town."

Maybe if she stopped wearing winter clothing in the dead of summer, she might feel more comfortable. Whatever, her silly reasons for not being here, I was more than happy with them. It was one thing to fool my parents, but Jessica would be a whole different beast.

My mother practically skips off to the kitchen to have a word with Mrs. Cope.

"The house looks nice," Edward said looking around.

"Upgrades come with a price," I replied.

He gave me a look of concern and was about to say something when my father interrupted us.

"Edward Cullen? What are you doing in our neck of the woods?" My father laughed.

Edward reached out to give him a firm handshake.

"Ran into Isabella this evening. It has been too long. I'm afraid I might have imposed on your dinner plans this fine evening, sir."

Only a Cullen raised right would ever refer to a lower station with such respect. My father should have called Edward sir but alas, it just goes to show you that in the end, the Cullen's were kind even if they were at the top of the pyramid.

My father brought Edward into the television room where they went on to bond over their mutual love; football. I decided to go and see if my mother required my help. I was sure she was sweating in the kitchen to see that our dinner was up to par.

"Oh, where is that wine we had brought in for Jessica's stay? I know I requested it," my mother said frantically searching our refrigerator. "Here it is."

She brought out the bottle and I pulled open the drawer to find the church key.

"Shelly, be sure to find three wine glasses and have them set at the table. Bella, can you open this and get it ready. I am going to pop back upstairs and spritz on a dash of that lovely perfume your sister bought me when she was in Paris."

I went to my task and helped Mrs. Cope along with finishing up dinner and presenting it at the dining room table. My mother not only spritzed but changed her entire outfit. I looked down at my long baggy t-shirt and wondered if I should change too.

"Oh, Bella. Why haven't you made yourself presentable? I can't believe you allowed yourself out of the house looking like that. What must Edward Cullen think about how I raised you?"

She turned me around and gave me a swift swat on my behind to push me upstairs. I stumbled on the first step but did as she asked. I found a decent light blue shirt and black pants. I ran a wet washcloth over my body to wipe off any sweat and then applied a little powder under my arms and over my body. I pulled my hair up into a ponytail and tied it off with a bow. I looked stupid. I don't know why I was trying so hard. Edward was a sure thing. After all, this was his idea. I could have come down wearing a potato sack and he would still have to play his role. But, I knew the bow would appease my mother so down the stairs, I went looking like Bessie, the county fair prized cow.

"You clean up nice," Edward greeted me at the bottom of the stairs.

"Be quiet. I look like an idiot."

"I happen to like the bow," he teased.

I narrowed my eyes at him and he took my hand to escort me into the formal dining room. I nearly pulled my hand out of his out of habit, but he tightened his grip as if he knew my natural inclinations.

We walked into the dining room and my mother's jaw dropped when she saw our hands interlaced. Edward politely pulled out my chair and helped me sit down at the table pretending he hadn't noticed my parents exchanging looks.

"Thank you," I shyly replied to his gesture.

My mother and father took their places and we all held hands for grace.

"So…Edward, you have been away for quite a while. What are your plans now that you are back at home?" my mother asked.

Edward who was in the middle of taking a drink from his wine glass set it down before responding.

"Well, I am back because my sister is getting married soon. I didn't want to miss the wedding season. Also, I have applied to several colleges in the area and I have decided to go pre-med, so I am still deciding what school is best for me."

Edward being a Cullen would have his pick. He needn't worry about acceptance letters like the rest of us. Or I should say like most people. I wasn't on track for college as my parents didn't feel it was prudent to further my education.

"But, I would like to stay in the area so my first choice as of now is John Hopkins."

"Following in your father's footsteps. Good man," my father replied.

"Well, that is the Cullen way," Edward laughed ironically.

Overall dinner wasn't so bad. Edward was charming. I wouldn't be surprised if my parents weren't wishing that he would court them. I could even feel myself loosening up a little towards the end of the evening. Until Edward pushed.

"So…basically Mr. Swan, I need to be honest with you. I came here tonight not just because Isabella invited me to dinner as I'm sure she only did out of courtesy but because I would appreciate your approval to court Isabella officially."

My eyes nearly bugged out of my head, but I wasn't the only one at the table to do so. I looked over to Edward who made great work at not looking at me. He did, however, reach out to take my hand.

"Uh…" my father couldn't find his words and I did not blame him.

"You see, sir. Isabella and I were the best of friends when we were children. I won't lie, my time away I spent around many available women but coming back home and spending only a few minutes with Isabella made me see that she is the one I wanted all along. Childhood friends separated by time and distance only to come back and find that what we were looking for was here all along. Right, honey?"

Edward turned to me and I could feel my mother and father's eyes on me as well. I swallowed any available liquid left in my mouth which was difficult as it had suddenly become very dry.

I gave Edward a soft smile and then looked over at my parents and nodded my head in agreement, unable to voice the lie just yet. Would need to work on that in the future. Edward squeezed my hand and leaned in to kiss me on the head.

Before any more could be said, I hear our front door open and my heart drops to my stomach. I immediately let go of Edward's hand.

"What's going on here?" Jessica says from behind me.

I feel Edward's eyes on me as I begin to tremble.

"You must be the sister…Jennifer?" Edward said standing to greet her.

"Jessica," She snapped but the moment Edward turned to face her, I hear Jessica audibly gasp.

"Edward Cullen? What are you doing here?"

"Having a fine meal with your parents and Isabella. I was just asking your father's permission to officially court, Isabella."

I am frozen in my seat unable to look in her direction. Please dear god let an asteroid touch down and take me out. Or…at the very least, take Jessica out.

I know my sister must be standing there with her jaw on the floor. She hasn't said a word but that's only because she was probably trying to stop herself from having an aneurysm.

"So, Mr. Swan? Do I have your permission?"


	4. Chapter 4

CHAPTER FOUR

"You can't be serious." Jessica walked around the table to stand by my father's place. "This is something that you cooked up and dragged Edward in on to get back at me."

I made a move to respond but I was intimidated to do so. Instead, I slowly shook my head.

"I assure you that I am absolutely serious. As I was explaining to your father, I recently came home and realized when I saw your sister again for the first time, my feelings came quickly flooding back to me. I would love nothing more than to marry her and begin our life together."

Edward sat down slowly pulling his chair closer to mine. He took my hand in his and Jessica's eyes narrowed.

"Mr. Swan, do I have your permission to court your daughter?" Once again Edward asked looking to my father and doing his best to ignore my sister's presence.

My father's mouth moved to answer but Jessica stepped forward.

"No, you don't. As the head of this family, I say who Bella can date and marry," Jessica declared.

Jessica was right. It was within her power to put an end to this and she would never allow this union knowing that it would place me above her. I sighed and began to pull back from Edward, but he wouldn't give in. He kept his hand firm and gave Jessica a smile with a wicked gleam in his eye. The very same look I had seen on his twin sister's face earlier that day.

"I am not here to seek your approval. I could care less about what you agree to or not. Charles Swan is the person I respect when it comes to matters of his daughter's heart and happiness. Isabella has told me all about you, Jessica and I would never allow someone so petty and vile to plague our existence for even one more minute. Now, shoo! Or I will call your husband and explain how our family will have nothing more to do with the Newtons and all of society will know to shun your kind. Do you really want to challenge me?"

Like with Esme, Jessica wanted to say many things but refrained out of respect for the natural order. Her face was red, and it wasn't from the high temperatures our house held during those summer months.

Jessica slowly shook her head, so her words won't betray her, but her eyes are lethal and trained on me. I refuse to look up into them believing at that moment she has all the power to incinerate me from the inside.

"Good. Now that we have that sorted out. Isabella explained that you are here to see to a proper marriage and since I am providing that with my good name, you don't need to be here anymore. I'm sure your husband would welcome your early return. Once I have your father's approval for courtship, I will see to Isabella's care. You need not worry about your sister for one more second."

I feel giddy at the thought of Jessica's early return upstate. Could it be possible that she will be out of my hair until the Christmas month? I squeeze Edward's hand and nearly tear up at the thought.

Jessica has been dismissed by not one but two Cullen's on the same day. One being in her own home which is quite impressive. Trembling, I imagine from anger, Jessica walks towards the staircase and slowly retreats up to her room. When she is out of earshot, Edward turns back to my father.

"Are you sure this is what you want, son?" my father asked. Not to be mean but because he too knew of the uphill battle we both faced.

"There is nothing I could ever want more," Edward replied.

My mother reaches over to take my father's hand. I am amazed that she has managed to stay silent this whole time but then again, she is only one step over me, so she would have no say in these matters.

My father nods his head and gives Edward a genuine smile.

"Thank you, sir. You make our family exceptionally honored and happy with your declared intentions."

My mother is smiling and nearly crying herself as she nods along with my father's blessing.

"No, thank you."

Edward stands up bringing me with him.

"Now, if you wouldn't mind. Do you think it would be alright if your daughter accompanied me home? I will have the car bring her right back."

"Of course. Yes. Yes," my father laughs standing up to see us out.

There is already a chauffeured car awaiting us as we exit the house. Edward never breaks character for even a second. His hand is in mine and he patiently walked me down the three steps and allows for me to enter the car first. My mother and father stand on the porch to see us off. I don't believe they have ever been happier and that's saying something. You should have seen their faces the day Michael Newton's father began negotiations for my sister's hand.

I just made my parents proud. My ruse of courtship and impending marriage proposal was the first time my parents were proud of me. I should feel honored but there is a stab to my heart that this is what it takes to have their respect.

"What's wrong? I thought that went very well. They believed every second of it and I managed to get your sister out of our lives which I thought would have made you happy."

I nod and look over to him.

"I am happy. I just…you could never understand," I whispered looking back out my window.

"Try me."

"Don't worry about it, Edward. We are going to be fake married. You don't need to worry about making me fake happy."

I hear him scoff. I have offended him with my words. I hate myself for it since he has done me a kindness this eve.

"Bella, you may be my fake wife, but I am still your real friend. Just because our marriage will be faked doesn't mean I don't care for your happiness."

I turned to him. I owed him honesty after everything he had done for me and will continue to do for me.

"I know I should be happy. I have never seen my parents prouder in their life. But, it hurts that the only way I could ever bring honor to my family is by a fake marriage. By marriage at all. Why couldn't I be born in a world where I could make a difference in someone's life by my own acts and not by a man who chooses me? I hate this world. I hate…how everything works here. I just wish…"

"Okay," Edward said. "I get it. But, the world isn't changing anytime soon so we make the best of it and find ways around the rules. But, for this fake marriage to work, we both have to agree to be open and honest. We must nearly make it a real marriage by the respect we agree to show one another. Like I said to your family this evening, it is now up to me to take care of you. If there is anything you need or require. Please just ask. I can't read your mind even if I have come to read your face fairly well. Tomorrow I want you to come over, so we can officially introduce our courtship to my parents."

"Shouldn't we tell Alice first? She will make a scene if we tell her in front of your parents."

"I will figure out Alice. Leave her to me. Go home and get some rest. Your parents will be cake compared to mine."

The car pulled up to the front of Edward's intimidating mansion. I am feeling daunted by his latest words. He is right. His parents will be much harder to charm.

"Thank you," I rush to say. "Really. Even if this whole thing goes south tomorrow. Seeing Jessica's face has made it worthwhile."

Edward's hand paused on the door handle. He turned back to me and brought his hand to my face. He pulled me into another kiss. Once again, I freeze and overthink the way his lips move against mine. He doesn't stop this time, however. Instead, he brings his other hand up and makes sure that my face has nowhere to go. He pushes more aggressively, and I feel my body and mind give in. I melt into him and even allow my mouth to open a little which Edward takes the opportunity to push his tongue in my mouth. My mind begins to assess whether I like the feeling of his hot wet spongy tongue. I quickly throw out my thoughts and actively participate in the kiss. I feel body tingle in anticipation for something it will never have. We may kiss and hold hands, but I will never have sex with Edward Cullen.

"There you are," Edward says when he breaks our kiss and pulls back. "That was very good. I told you that we could make this believable."

He lets go of my face and moves to get out of the car. I sit back in my seat and try and refrain from fanning myself. Suddenly the air-conditioning in his fine Town Car doesn't do anything for my current flushed face.

"Good night, Bella. I will text you about our plans tomorrow and send a car."

I nod absently, and he closes the door. I feel as if I had just been knocked into by a battling ram. The car pulls out and begins to its drive to take me back home. I am thinking about that kiss far too much. I should be focused on surviving the night. What if my sister comes at me with a knife while I sleep. I wouldn't put it past her.

My parents await me when I return. It seems as if Jessica is back downstairs and threatening them when I walk in.

"You better fix this or I will make sure that my husband doesn't send any more coins your way. You can't honestly believe that a Cullen would ever want anything to do with Bella. Even if Edward is stupid enough to fall for some trick Bella is turning. His parents will never allow for this."

I step out from the entryway and let my arrival be known. My father looks torn. His once happy face is questioning Jessica's words. Her argument is sound. He too wonders why a Cullen would ever want someone like me.

Jessica sees my father's eyes go to me and she turns around to face me.

"What did you do to him? Did you blackmail him? Threaten him? What!" she snapped.

I didn't know what to say. Edward wishes me to spin this web of lies about long-lost love from our childish past. I should say the lines that Edward wanted me to but at that moment, something boiled in my blood. I was tired of always being the good little fat girl.

"Threatening our parents? Really Jessica? I must threaten you greatly for you to treat our mother and father with such disrespect. You feel it, don't you? You're losing your hold on this family. Any common decent person would never treat their family how you have. We are nothing more than silly little pawns in your chess game. Worth nothing. Worth sacrificing to see to your rise."

I walked forward slowly stalking her.

"Move out of the way, Jessica. Because Edward Cullen and I are coming. Take your Newton money and get out. We don't need you anymore. My marriage will provide far more than yours ever could. Move out of the way. This fat cow takes great steps and if you don't relent, I will love nothing more than to stomp on you on my way to victory!"

I turn around and walk out of the room. I am ten feet tall. The big threat in my life is over. I enter my bedroom and close the door behind me. I stand tall and then…it hits. What the hell did I just do? God, I am a moron. I didn't secure anything. This whole plan could fall through any minute and then where would my family be if Jessica makes good on her threat to cut off my parents.

I feel myself hyperventilating. How can I fix this? Go back downstairs and tell Jessica that I made a lapse in judgment and will do whatever she wished. Let my parents deny me so they can stay in this house? My body is trembling. I have nothing. This is what happens when you let your emotions take over.

My phone vibrates. I see the number is not recognized.

I told my parents I have pressing news to share with them and require their full attention. How does two work?

It's Edward. He must have asked Alice for my number.

My hands are shaking as I hold the phone. I begin typing back to him. Short and simple, Bella. Keep it short and simple.

Can't do this. Sorry.

I throw down the phone as if it would catch on fire any second and pull off my shoes. I try and find a perfect groveling apology that Jessica would accept. Something along the lines of, deny me but don't deny my parents.

My phone lights up. Vibrating. The number that just texted me is now calling. I don't want to pick it up because I know Edward will just talk me back into this stupid silly plan. So, I watch as the call is sent to voicemail. I breathe a sigh of relief. Maybe he has gotten the message loud and clear.

Coming over

My eyes widen, and I jump on top of my phone trying to find the callback button. I hit redial and get up, pacing around my dark room only lit by the small lamp on the side table.

"Bella?"

"What?" I snapped irritated that he is forcing me to call him.

"What happened?"

I don't reply. I sit back down on the bed and run my hand through my hair nervously.

"Remember. Open and honest," he recited.

I sighed.

"I just can't do this. My family is going to lose everything. You don't understand. You have nothing to lose…well…other than respect once you publicly announce your intentions. However, most people will think you just lost your mind and be sent to the white ward or perhaps you're just a drunk. Have a drug problem…"

"Bella!" Edward snapped stopping me from my rant. "You won't lose. I promise. What happened to make you say this? Did your sister say something to you? Threaten you?"

I don't want to reply because I know he will hear any lie in my voice.

"Tell me and don't you dare lie to me. You know I can tell when you lie, right?"

How does he know me so well? He hasn't even been around for six years. Longer if you count when he stopped talking to me.

"I can't take this risk."

"Tell me what she said."

He knows. He knows, and he will never shut up until I tell him.

"Its…not so much what she said. More what I might have said."

Pause.

"Okay, what did you say?"

I swallowed.

"You're going to be mad," I said cringing.

"I'm already mad because you won't give me a straight answer."

I am wiggling all over the bed. I don't want to say it, but I know I must.

"I just…went off. I told her that my marriage to you will mean that she will have no hold over this family and that…you and I…we were coming for her. I may have threatened her a little and told her to get out of my way or I will stomp all over her."

Oh god! Just saying it out loud again made it all the worse.

I could hear Edward begin to laugh on the other side of the phone.

"It's not funny! Do you have any idea what I have just done? I am so stupid. Why would I do that? We haven't even told your parents yet. They will most likely put an end to this madness come tomorrow and then she will make good on every one of her threats and cut my family off. My father may lose his job. My mother…"

"Wait!" He barked stopping his laughter. "She threatened your family?"

"Of course, she did. If this marriage goes through, she will lose all her power over us. She would never allow that to happen. She could be plotting my death as we speak."

Another pause.

"I'll call you back," Edward said and then promptly hung up the phone.

What just happened?

I turned and flopped back on my bed as I waited. But, time felt like it was moving much slower than ever before. It must have been a solid ten minutes until my bedroom door opened with a crushing bang into the wall.

"You bitch! You fat bitch!"

I jumped out of bed with my phone in my hand taking a defensive pose as my sister began screaming at me.

"You think you can call your boyfriend up and get him to have me removed! I will end you!"

She began advancing on me. My phone began vibrating in my hand. I held it up.

"Come one step closer and I press this button and let my…boyfriend hear your crazy butt!"

My threat works, and she stops in place looking at my phone.

I slide to begin the call.

"Hello?"

"Bella, its all taken care of. There should be a car on its way to pick up Jessica. Should I send the authorities over?"

I swallow and look at Jessica.

"Should he send someone to escort you off our property or are you going to leave with some dignity?" I asked.

She didn't respond. She turned on her heel and grabbed the door handle to slam the door behind her.

"Is she gone?" Edward asked.

"Uh huh. What did you do, Edward?" I asked quietly.

"I called Newton senior and told him that his daughter in law was getting in the way of our impending union. That she threatened you and that we don't take kindly to those that would threaten our happiness. That I wanted Jessica out of your house tonight because you no longer felt safe and I couldn't very well have my intended feel unsafe."

"Oh god, Edward. What did you do?" I smacked my hand to my face and slide down the wall to land with a thud on the floor. "We haven't even received your parent's blessing. After tomorrow, she could be…"

"After tomorrow when we receive my parent's blessing, you will hopefully drop this and stop being so scared. This is ridiculous, Bella. Do you really have so little self-respect that you would give in to your atrocious sister instead of taking what I am offering? You were ready to call the whole thing off because of your fear of her. It is time you begin your studies starting with the prominent families and then, maybe, you will understand just where the Cullen's are. No one will threaten us and get away with it. Good night. I will see you tomorrow at two."

He hung up the phone and I sat and festered in my spot after being thoroughly reprimanded. I hated some of his words. My studies. College wasn't in the cards for someone like me, but you better believe it was expected of me to study up on our society's rules and customs. I could embarrass my future husband if I didn't perform up to the proper expectations and standards. Everything from properly introducing a person to where we all stacked up on the food chain. I didn't need a lesson to know where his family was placed. I wasn't stupid, but Edward made me feel that way with his words.

Picking myself back up I went and sat next to the window to look out at the moon and really go over everything that had transpired. Around and around I went. Was this a good idea? Going through with this plan.

A car drives up our path. It is not the fancy Rolls Royce that Jessica insisted she have while she was here. It was just a plain Town Car. Nothing special. I see Jessica walk down the three steps to the car while her valet runs to pack up her cases into the trunk. Jessica turns to look back at the house one last time. I nearly duck out of sight but my whole body is frozen in place. A small victory that she was leaving. She stares up at me. Our eyes lock, and I see hers narrow. This is not the last I would hear from my sister. Somehow retribution would be paid. When? Where? The thought fills me with dread.

She flips around. Her long light brown hair perfectly following behind her. Even in this humidity, she manages it not to frizz. The minute the Town Car is no longer in sight, I feel a small breath of relief.

The next morning, I feel as if I am in a dream when I walk downstairs, and my mother greets me at the bottom of the steps. She has a smile on her face and looks…happy? It was hard to explain because my mother rarely looked happy to see me.

"Good night sleep?"

I nodded. My face probably filled with confusion.

"I asked Shelly to make your favorites for breakfast. She had to make a quick trip to the store since she recently made the mistake of throwing out quite a bit of good food."

"She didn't make a mistake. Jessica made her get rid of everything fattening," I explained.

I wasn't about to let Mrs. Cope take the blame for my sister's actions. My mother knew it was Jessica's doing but how quickly she had forgotten what it was like to be apart of the working class. It was common to place blame on the help.

"Why don't you come and sit down," she replied choosing to ignore my indignant comment.

My father was at the table and sitting in front of his place was a large stack of Berrycakes. My breakfast favorite. Berries baked into the pancake. A cup of sweet cream whipped butter in the center. I might have thought it was my birthday already if I didn't know what was up with this timely breakfast.

"So…has Edward called this morning?"

He hadn't but I knew my role to play.

"Just to wish me a happy morning and to tell me that he awaits my arrival, so we can sit down with his parents this afternoon."

My mother swells with pride.

"Would you like me to accompany you?"

As I said before, commonplace to have a member of my family to come and speak on my behalf till I was turned over to a man to speak for me.

"That's not necessary. Edward said that it will be informal. Once his parents know his intentions then you may begin negotiations."

That is how it worked. Courtship until both parties' parents finalized negotiations. Negotiations, when the bride's family would lay out their expectations for the groom's family. Everything from financial gain to property to expected trusts set up for future heirs. Wedding costs. Even down to where Edward and I were expected to celebrate certain holidays. Negotiations could go on for months. Alice and Jasper's lasted three because they were both from established money so there was more to discuss. Someone in my position however, I would doubt negotiations would even last longer than one month. My parents weren't in any position to argue. They should feel blessed to receive anything the Cullen's would give.

Once negotiations were over and the union was blessed by both families, then the wedding season would begin. Oh god, I would be just beginning my wedding season when Alice was well into hers. How was I going to handle being a maid of honor for her wedding while planning my own? Alice did say that she might choose to have a quick wedding season. She couldn't wait to have sex so that could easily push up her timeline whereas, I wouldn't be engaging in sex so Edward and I could possibly take our time. No need to rush over here. This virgin was doomed to walk the earth with her hymen in tack for all eternity. The price to pay for agreeing to this foolish plan.

My breakfast was uncomfortable. My parents staring at me with these goofy grins like they were hyenas looking at Top Sirloin. I think I preferred it when they forgot to notice I was even around.

I assume that Jessica took her Jacob Black with her or sent him back to the west. I wasn't exactly sorry to see him go but I felt a little bad because I did hope to drop a couple of pounds in time for Alice's wedding. It then sets in. I'm going to be forced to wear white! Oh no! You don't let a heavy girl wear white. I feel clammy at the thought of standing in front of thousands of people on my wedding day looking like a blimp that should be floating overhead while Edward stands beside me trying his best to not be embarrassed.

I look down at the donut I swiped from the breakfast table and throw it out the window. Okay…leafy greens and lean proteins, right? That's what Jacob said. I can do this. I mean, it's only for a couple of months. Eating right is half the battle, Jacob said. The other half would be to work out. I sighed and looked over to our back hill. I guess this meant pushing a tire up it.

I spent the rest of my morning starring at my closet. There was absolutely nothing in it that gave off a good enough impression to win over Edward's parents. To be fair, I don't think anyone made that kind of miracle outfit. I pulled out my girdle knowing it would shave off a few pounds and therefore, somewhat helpful. Black pants were definite. There was no way I was planning on showing off my fat cankles. Now onto finding a decent shirt. I had a decent black top that I would wear to funerals but since I was already wearing black pants, I didn't want to show up in the dead of summer looking like I just came from a funeral. I pulled out a dark purple top. Anything that might make me feel comfortable looked too out of season. It was summer. I was expected to wear light colors.

Once again, I felt the need to cancel.

I pull out my phone and fight with myself over hitting send on my standard text message. Just as I continued to debate back and forth, my phone lit up and showed Edward's name for the first time since I added him to my address book.

Ready for today?

NO!

No

I bit my lip and continued to type.

I think we should hold off. Just give me another day. I kind of need to do something before I meet with your family.

That was an honest request. He shouldn't be too upset with that.

My phone lights up and he is calling once again. I don't want to answer. After last night, I really don't want to talk to him. I don't need him making me feel like an idiot. I finally hit the button to accept the call.

"What's wrong now?"

Not even a hello. No good morning that I lied to my parents about.

"Look, I know that whatever I say won't be good enough for you. Give me another day, Edward. I'm not ready to do this. And you can tell me that I'm stupid all you like but that won't change how I feel."

"Bella, I don't think you are stupid. Why would you ever think that?"

Well, he never actually said he thought I was stupid. He just made me feel stupid. Now I was feeling even more stupid for snapping at him. This was so frustrating. Was this how it worked in real relationships? Why would anyone want this?

I hear him sigh waiting for the answer I was searching for.

"This is like that time I invited you out to that party at the pond. You got mad at me and stormed out of our library. If I hadn't come to your window that evening, our friendship might have ended then. This rant of yours isn't about me or my parents. It's something else."

A silly tear escapes and left a solid wet trail down my face. I can't believe he remembered that. His family was having a huge picnic and swim party at the pond behind his house. Edward invited me and was offended when I said I wouldn't go. There was no way I would show up to a swim event, heavy as I am.

After the party was over, Edward showed up at my window and threatened to wake my parents if I didn't tell him what I was so upset with him over. I told him not wanting to feel the wrath from my father and mother over why a Cullen boy was at my bedroom window past midnight. I broke down and told him my shame.

I sniffled and wiped my tear.

"Are you going to blackmail me again?"

"I didn't blackmail you then," he defended.

"You told me that if I didn't sneak out of my parent's house and go with you to the pond at one in the morning, you would wake my parents and tell them that I lured you out of your house that night as a prank."

"Bella, I merely gave you options. You choose which option made you most comfortable."

I wasn't comfortable. I reluctantly grabbed my swimsuit and pulled on a loose t-shirt and followed him to the lake. He never again asked me to go swimming in public. He respected my need to shy away from everyone except himself. After that night, it was expected that anytime there was a pond party, we would have our own private party later that night where only the moon would out my unnatural shape.

"So are you going to tell me what is wrong, or do I have to come to your window and threaten to tell your parents that you are blackmailing me into marrying you."

I gasped. "Edward Cullen! I am doing no such thing. God, you sound like Jessica."

"That hurts," he replied.

I sighed. "I don't have anything to wear. Your parents are going to be very unhappy and my best outfit is all black. They will think I am cult worshipper or at best, just come from a funeral. I need more time."

"Well, first of all, they know you, so I doubt cult worshipper would come straight to mind," he paused. "Let me call you back."

Once again, he hung up the phone before I could get a word in edgewise. This time I need only to wait five minutes before he texted me back. He didn't call like he said he would. He texted.

Sending over something now. Wear it. I'm turning off my phone before you can protest. Sending a car for you at one-thirty. Be ready. I have advised the driver to come in and pull you out in whatever you are wearing. Money talks.

I scrunched up my nose at the audacity of his message. He may send in his driver but If I am not here, what would his driver be able to do with that? You aren't as clever as you think, Mr. Cullen. I folded my arms feeling triumphant but that slowly dwindled when I thought of Edward's past actions. He always had a knack for getting whatever he wanted. He always found a way, shady or not.

Fine. I will see what he sends over and then decide. Knowing him, he wouldn't have the faintest idea of what size I wear. It wasn't like he could tell his salesperson to send over a dress fitting a meet up with the parents and be sure to order that in an above average size…possibly around the magnitude of hefty meeting heavy. I snorted knowing that whatever Edward would send would either be far too small or far too big.

I was wrong.

A car drove up and dropped off a large box. My mother wouldn't let me leave the room until she saw what my boyfriend had sent over. Her words.

I sliced open the box and pulled out all the tissue paper and inside was quite possibly the loveliest dress I might ever wear. I say might because I was still concerned about sizing issues.

"Oh, Bella. Edward has taste," my mother panted. She ran her hands over the soft smooth fabric. It was blue but a darker blue with yellow and white flowers. The sleeves were three-quarters in length with lace on the ends, so it would hide my arm fat and it looked about long enough to reach mid-calf. I guess I would have to show off my legs but with its full skirt, it might help in giving the allusion of a smaller waist especially if I squeezed into a girdle.

"Go put it on."

I looked at the tag and it was my size. How did he know my size? I slowly walked over to the downstairs bathroom and shed my clothes. I pulled the dress on and my mother ran up to grab my girdle. She was back in record time. I squeezed my butt into it and then my mother waited as I pulled the dress up and over. It fit perfectly. I look at myself in the mirror as my mother buttons up the back.

"Bella," she gasped. "You have never looked lovelier. You look like a lady."

She began to pull at my hair and play with it while I continued to stare. It was the first time in my life that I felt like a lady. I felt pretty. Even with the extra pounds. Still not good enough to be a Cullen but…perhaps when all this was over, I would be good enough for someone.


	5. Chapter 5

CHAPTER FIVE

I would never be able to find a dress that would fit me better and give me the confidence I needed for what I was about to do. So, I might as well get this over with. Sitting in the back of the car with perfect posture, I had to squeeze my hands into fists to keep from twisting the fabric of my dress while the nerves set in.

The car pulled up and I was thankful I hadn't eaten since breakfast. I took calming breaths as I stepped out and looked up at the impressive house. It didn't feel natural to go through the front door. I needed something. I needed my friend. I didn't know if Edward had talked with Alice, but I needed to talk with someone so instead of going forth and entering the front door, I walked along the front of the house toward the back where I saw the tree I had become accustomed to climbing.

This was stupid. I can't climb a tree wearing this dress. I would ruin it and then where would I be. I could feel the sun begin to bake the foundation I had applied. It would only be a matter of minutes before my makeup was ruined.

"Please tell me, you're not thinking of doing what I think."

I sighed and let my head fall forward to hit the trunk of the tree probably leaving a foundation smudge on the bark.

"I just needed a minute," I replied.

I hear the long disapproving sigh as Edward walked up behind me.

"I needed my friend," I answered more honestly.

"Alice?" He asked.

I didn't respond.

"I'm your friend too, Bella."

I turned to face him.

"No, you're not. You want me to be honest? You are not my friend Edward Cullen. You haven't been my friend since you…" I stopped myself and shook my head. I didn't want to say it because then I would sound jealous.

"Since I lost the weight," he continued for me.

I didn't reply once again but I dare looked him in the eye to confirm his suspicions.

"Okay," he replied holding his hands up. "I deserved that."

I twisted my fancy shoe into the ground.

"Would you please come inside? It's sweltering out here and there is no reason for us to stand out in this uncomfortable heat feeling…uncomfortable. Besides, Alice is inside if you really need to talk to her."

He held out his hand and I looked down at it. That's right. We had a show to put on now. I reached out and took it, channeling my inner good girlfriend mode. He was right, we didn't need to melt away outside when the inside of his house was so pleasant.

Edward took me along to the family room. The fancy one without the television. I rarely spent any time in this room growing up because it was reserved for special occasions. That and Esme was worried her children might mess up the expensive white furniture.

I see Alice sitting there looking at her phone and I immediately drop Edward's hand just in time.

"You got the dress," Alice said looking up at me.

I looked over to Edward.

"I asked Alice for help," he explained.

"I am so happy you are doing this. I always knew you two belonged together."

Alice jumped up from the couch and came over to hug me.

"Now, we can finally be sisters. Officially."

I felt uneasy. Did he tell her the truth? She made it sound like we were getting married because we had feelings for one another.

"Alice, what did…"

"Bella, why don't you come and sit with me," Edward interrupted.

He reached to take my hand and pull me toward the short white plush couch.

"Edward," I said his name in warning.

"Mother. You're here," Edward looked behind me and was saved by Esme's entrance. I felt my whole body go instantly cold. I slowly looked over to her afraid of what her face would read.

"Edward. Bella."

I can see a mixture of emotions. She isn't mad, but she isn't exactly happy to see me as she was the day before.

"Perhaps you can explain quickly before your father arrives. I believe its best to get this out and done with, so I can figure out how best to explain your actions."

My mouth has gone completely dry. I feel myself tremble.

"Come on, mother. You had to know this was in the stars. Edward has loved Bella since we were children. It was only a matter of time," Alice spoke up.

I feel myself become confused at her statement. My face must say it all.

Edward laughs a little awkwardly.

"Well…mother…I think what Alice is trying to say…"

I would laugh at Edward's nerves if I wasn't feeling sick myself. My once calm and cool Edward had turned into a babbling brook. Nice to know that he isn't immune to normal stress like the rest of us. I feel his hand sweating in mine. I remember this. Remember how he used to be with his mother. He could lie and fight with his father easily but when it came to his mother, Edward would suddenly have difficulties.

"I'm sorry, Mrs. Cullen," I said finding my voice for the first time. "I know that this must upset you. My respect for your family has always been absolute. It was never my intention to go against even the simplest of your wishes. You have always been so kind to me and that means more than you will ever know. I have tried to talk sense into your son but he seems determined. If you wish me to leave. You need only ask."

I see Esme's eyes glisten ever so slightly. She gives Edward a questioning glance.

"Please don't do this, mother," Edward pleads softly.

Esme is at a loss for words. She knows what she wants to say. She knows what she must say but she says nothing.

"What is this meeting about?" Carlisle asked walking in without even looking up from his phone. Alice stood ready to weigh in. Esme hadn't moved an inch. Carlisle took the silence in and the moment that his eyes caught sight of Edward standing beside me, I saw a change take place. He was upset. My feet want to retreat but the shoes have caused them to go numb.

"My office. Now."

Carlisle turned around and swiftly walked off toward his private study. Edward looked over to me before following along after his father. He too walked with purpose. Edward was always fond of a chance to engage in a war of words when it came to Carlisle. Esme gave me a sad smile before turning around to follow.

I stood in the middle of the room feeling about as small as a speck of dirt. Alice walked up and lightly touched my arm.

"It will be okay, Bella. I will go and help my brother. Please do not worry. We will make sure everything will work out."

She too left.

Alone once again.

I flattened out the creases on my dress and looked around at the white room. It reminded me of my bedroom. Hardly a stitch of color. I shake my head at Edward's idiotic plan. I knew this would never work. We should have come here last night and then maybe I could have saved myself from embarrassment. I wouldn't be another baby headed for the gutter. Edward might be strong enough to stand up to his father but the moment his father denied him his inheritance, he would throw me away like the trash I was. Jessica would deny me. My parents may lose everything.

My feet begin to move forward. I follow the path towards Carlisle's office. I can already hear the raised voices and I was still three doors away. It didn't hurt that the marble and high ceilings would cause every sound to echo in this house. Even keeping my feet quite was proving difficult.

"This isn't funny, Edward. Are you doing this because you truly care about Isabella or are you doing this to strike out at your grandfather? Knowing that this was what he was trying to avoid all along. You would ruin that poor girl just to win a pissing contest with a man that is long gone."

I hear Edward laugh. "Well somebody should have the good sense to stand up to the man. I might be late in doing so but I won't deny that there is a strong satisfaction in my bones to know that my inheritance he left behind will go to help prosper the very thing he was terrified of. I do care and love Isabella, but I also love and care that at this moment, grandfather is looking up and there is nothing he can do about this."

I have never heard Edward speak with so much anger and hatred before. His words burn me. This was more than just obtaining his inheritance. He is marrying me for revenge. What is lower than trash? Because I am pretty sure, that is what I am.

Why am I crying? I knew Edward was only using me. I was using him as well even if I did have feelings for him. This was a business transaction. I do not have the right to feel upset by his words.

"Edward, we are sorry that grandfather sent you away but please don't do this. It isn't fair to parade Isabella around. She will be scrutinized heavily and for what? So, you can get your fair share of the estate?" Esme asked.

"What is the matter with you?" Alice snapped. "He loves her. He might be upset with grandfather, but Edward wants Bella. Why can't you be supportive of that? You have always told me that we Cullen's had the luxury of doing what we wished because no one could question us. Edward has the chance to marry for love…"

"Alice, that's enough. We all know that Edward isn't marrying for love," Carlisle interrupted.

"You can't deny me, father. I am doing this, and you can't stop it. If you do, you will have no heir. No one to pass the Cullen name down to. Which would also make grandfather turn in his grave. Either way, I win."

"We don't know if Isabella will be healthy enough to carry a baby to term," Esme softly replied.

"I can check her medical file and see…"

My head is spinning. My breaths are coming in too fast. I need to get out of here. I turn around and run toward the nearest exit not caring if the short heels on my shoes are giving me away. Out the front door and down the high steps to the woods, I take off running as best as I could toward my home. My feet ache from the dirt and small rocks that kick up to lodge their way into my shoes, but I don't stop. My makeup ruined by sweat and tears, I don't know what a greater threat at this point is. But as angry and hurt that I am, I can't keep up my pace for long.

I stop; falling onto this low hanging branch and using it to support my weight as I cry uncontrollably. If it had been anyone but Edward, I might survive the pain. Flashes of the sweet child he was played through my mind and I grieve for the friend I have lost. The pain is greater this time around.

I don't know where to go. I can't go home. I no longer have a home. It feels as if there is a rock pressing down on me. I wish it would continue its work and squish me out of existence. I feel as if I am being strangled by that damn dress and girdle. Without thinking, I begin to pull at my back and rip the buttons off, so I can free myself. I throw the damn dress to the ground and struggle to pull of the girdle. Only my slip is on. If anyone found me now they might cart me off to the white ward where I could spend the rest of my days staring off into space as the doctors pressed their 'healing' drugs into me.

"Bella!"

The anger in Edward's voice nearly makes me jump out of my skin but then I remember why he has no right to feel his anger.

"What's the matter, Edward?" I asked sweetly as if I have no earthly idea of what the problem could be.

Edward stomps forward and grabs my dress from off the ground.

"Put your clothes back on. What is the matter with you?"

He thrusts the dress at me, but I refuse to take it.

"You don't like what you see? That could be a problem if we are to be married. Can't imagine having to see this every single morning when you awake?" I asked grabbing ahold of my stomach and shaking my fat. "How are you going to stomach it? I sure hope that anger will fuel you on those long nights when you ponder your life choices and are exhausted from having to defend to everyone why you would ever think to marry someone who is disgusting when they probably can't even afford you a proper heir. Just imagine Edward, everyone will think that you love this. That you would gather up the courage and shove your cock into it at least once a month for the hope of securing your bloodline. You never know, I could swallow you up or sit on you accidentally. The Cullen line distinguished all because you wanted revenge."

"Oh, stop it, Bella. Whatever you think you heard. You don't know the half of it. Put on your damn dress. I will not have my intended be indecent in public just to get back at me for issues she knows nothing of."

I snort loudly.

"Intended."I scoffed and shook my head. "I will never marry you."

"You no longer have a choice. My parents have given me permission. Now it will be up to them and your parents to negotiate the terms. As of this moment, I decide your future and fate and you're lucky that I was raised right. I could be like your sisters' husband and beat you and boast all about it down at the crystal hall."

My heart stopped for a moment. I am in shock with his words. Not just at the audacity, he had to think he could trap me in this marriage but what he speaks about of Jessica.

"What are you talking about? What do you mean about my sister?" I asked.

Edward sighed and shakes his head. He walked toward the east and pauses.

"I didn't know if I should tell you. It is common knowledge. Newton may live a state away but even this far out, people know. You sister is desperate for power? She would have to be to agree to marry Michael and I doubt he was charming and then only showed his true colors after the fact. There is a reason he married so low, no one with a decent name would ever agree to marriage."

I feel my body slowly sit down on a nearby stump. Even though the sun is baking me, and I should feel embarrassed by my lack of dress, I refuse to pick up the clothes and put them back on. I sit and stare at the dirt floor. I had no idea that Jessica was in a hopeless, abusive relationship. It wasn't incredibly uncommon, unfortunately. There was no law against it, so some men preferred keeping their women in place with physical threat and harm. I was lucky to never have been personally exposed to any such man. Just another reason why South America looked so enticing.

"Bella," Edward says turning to me. He walks over and sits down beside me choosing the dirt floor and sullying his nice dress slacks. "I am sorry. I am handling this all wrong. What you heard at my parent's house. I never wanted to hurt you. I know you no longer think of me as a friend. I wish I could change the past. I told you that I wanted an open and honest relationship with you, so I am going to tell you something now. Something I never wanted to burden you with but I hope that it will explain my actions."

I pull the slip more over my knees. I feel stupid for sitting her out in the open with such little clothing. I can't give in to Edward. I must remain strong. I can't allow my feelings to cloud my good judgment.

"When I lost the weight. I only did so because my grandfather threatened to send me away. I was his embarrassment. Worse so for me because I am supposed to carry on the family name. I stuck to the meal plans and exercise regiments because if he sent me away, it would mean that I would never see you again. See Alice only on holidays. You were my best friend and I didn't know how to get along in a world where my sister wasn't just down the hall. And then…after I had begun to lose the weight after a couple of weeks, I kissed you. Kissed you in the garden and my grandfather saw everything. He told my father that if I didn't get away from you, he would have me sent away. I begged to stay. Told him I wouldn't speak to you. I had hoped it would get him off my back. But, it didn't work, and he sent me away because he still saw you were a threat. Stuck in England for six years. I am angry. My grandfather ruined my life. So yes, marrying you feels like justice. You can be angry with me all you like but marrying me will change your life for the better. You are my friend and I won't stand by and see your life ruined because we don't follow through with this arrangement. I apologize for my harsh words. I should never speak to you as I have. Threaten you. I want you to be happy, Bella. We can both be happy. We need only be married for a few short years and then, you can do whatever you like in life."

My anger marginally subsides but once again his words stab me in the heart. He may care about me as a friend, but it would never be more than that. Could I live with this kind of life? I feel embarrassed and ashamed that something as juvenile as a kiss would cause his life to shift so dramatically. I am the reason he was sent away.

He is right. I can't object to this union no matter how hurt I am by his harsh words. Not only because of what might happen to my family, but I feel this guilt and I need to do right by Edward. If receiving his inheritance can help make up for all those years of banishment and if I care for Edward as I feel I must, then I will say yes when the preacher requests me to do so.

"Okay," I whispered drawing my knees up and hugging onto them as best as I could.

"Will you please get dressed now? I don't want to return you home with your parents questioning whether I have skipped to the honeymoon portion of our impending union."

He stood up and picked the dress back up and shook it out. I stood up too and was a little surprised when he helped me into it instead of just handing it off and turning around until I was decent again. I hear him sigh as he tries to button up the back.

"You ruined this dress. I will have it sent it and fixed. You broke too many of the buttons off."

"Sorry," I replied.

"It's no matter. Won't cost but a few dollars."

I lean down and grab my girdle. I was not about to attempt to pull it back on after the hot sun caused me to sweat so profusely. Plus, I didn't want to see the look of terror on Edward's face as I danced around trying to squeeze my butt back into it. Like trying to fit a full-sized ham into a latex glove.

I turned to walk in the direction of my house but Edward's hand on my arm stopped me.

"Where do you think you are going?"

"Home," I said irritated.

"You are not walking home. What would your parents think? What would my parents think? You have to come back to my house first."

"Edward, I can't be seen at your house right now. Look at me. My clothes are ruined, and my makeup surely is running down my face. I can sneak in the back door at my house. No need to worry about appearances."

"No, Bella. It is time to worry about appearances and no self-respecting gentleman would ever allow for his intended to trek back to her house on foot looking like you do. You will come back to the house. You can take a proper bath and I will have your dress sent out to be mended. You can return home when it is finished."

"God, and here I thought you were bossy as a child. You have gotten worse with age. What clothes am I going to wear while this dress is sent out? Do you think I can slip into something of Alice's? Her neck hole wouldn't even fit one of my arms."

Edward rolled his eyes.

"I'm sure we can find something. You can remain in private quarters while your clothes are being tended to. I can even have new clothes brought in. As I said before, it is now up to me to take care of you."

I feel my body cringe involuntarily.

"I hate when you say that. Take care of me as if I can't take care of myself. Like I wouldn't have an intelligent thought in my brain to dress myself if it weren't for your guiding hand."

Edward can barely contain himself as he looks up and down at the dress he provided.

"You know what I mean," I snapped. "As I said before, I can take care of myself."

"I know you can, but it brings me such pleasure to say these things to you because I know how it bothers you so. You're a feminist without a backbone. About as useless as a screen door on a submarine," he laughed.

"Edward Cullen!" I hauled off and punched him in the arm.

He pulled back and held up a warning finger.

"That was very unladylike. I won't have Alice taking you to Kenzie Court until I can be sure that you can act accordingly."

I narrowed my eyes at his teasing.

"Unladylike? You should see what my foot can do," I threatened.

"How about you put your feet to good use and march back to my home," Edward replied standing aside with his hand gesturing for me to go first.

"Edward, if you even think for one minute that I will put up with you bossing me around for the next couple of years. You have another thing coming."

I stomped off in the direction of his house. Impressive and yet painful as my shoes were still filled with tiny pebbles and pieces of dried leaves.

"I believe the correct phrase is, you have another think coming," he corrected.

"Another think? That sounds wrong. I don't believe you."

"You can believe whatever you like. Look it up. It may be an outdated phrase turned into a modern colloquialism, but I speak the truth."

"Fine, I will. I may not have my pick of colleges but for some reason, my parents thought to educate me enough to at least read and sign my name," I replied sarcastically.

Edward stopped and so did I to see what his issue was now.

"Do you want to go to college?" he asked.

I gave him a questioning look.

"You can if you like."

It felt funny to know that he was right. With his permission and money, I could further my education.

"You mean it?" I asked.

"If that is what you wish. But…" he paused and bit on his lip. "If you do well on your studies, then once we are married, you can choose whatever school you like, and I will see to it."

I shook my head in amazement.

"That is so odd. I cannot believe that you can just wave your hand and make it so."

He stepped closer to me.

"I meant what I said, Bella. This arrangement will give you the opportunity to do whatever you like. You can have whatever you wish. I will see to it that you are given an expense account tomorrow morning. You can go online and buy whatever you like."

I swallowed. My mind was feeling fuzzy. It reminded me of the lottery. The working class and gutter babies would sometimes waste their money to purchase a chance to win some money. The state lottery only ever went to a couple of thousand dollars. Enough to help out a person and their family for a short while but never enough to live the life of a person with means and a high station. Some state lotteries failed because the lower classes didn't want to waste what little money they had on a game of chance that held unfavorable odds. Even when we were lower in station before Jessica's marriage, my parents would never throw away their hard-earned money on the hopes that they could choose the random numbers correctly.

Edward's expense account was far more money than any state lottery. It felt wrong to ask him for something.

"What is it? I know you are thinking of asking me something. Please just do so."

I bit on my lip and played with the back of my dress finding the holes from the buttons that had perished.

"I was wondering if I could request some funds for…something."

"Yes, what would you like?"

I felt uneasy. I was embarrassed to say it, especially to Edward.

"Well…my sister before she left. She had…brought with her a trainer from the west coast. I don't particularly care what a person may think but I was only doing it because I wanted to make things easier on your sister. Now, it looks as if…losing a couple of pounds will make it easier on everyone. So…could that be possible? His name is Jacob Black and as annoying as he can be, he might be able to work a miracle or two."

He looked confused and waited quite a bit before responding to my request.

"If that is what you want."

I nodded once and then turned to continue the walk. He followed behind me which made it rather uncomfortable. Worse, that he didn't say a word the whole walk back. I wanted to turn to him and say something but there was nothing.

I didn't think my request was that abnormal. Every and any pound I could lose would only benefit him and his family. It killed me to not know what he was thinking. We arrived back and for the first time, I was able to look at him. He was about as lost as I was.

For someone who had no problem ordering me to tell him what I was thinking and wasn't shy letting me know what the score was, Edward seemed to have been put off by my request and I wasn't sure why that was.

Wouldn't he be all too pleased to see me lose the weight? Hell, as my fiancé, he could demand it of me. Even though Edward could be a bit demanding, I knew he would never really push for something if it went against what I wanted.

He barely said more than a couple of words to me before leaving me off in an empty room to bathe and change. I would bathe and then I needed to speak to a friend. A true friend. Only she could help me now.


	6. Chapter 6

CHAPTER SIX

When I was finished with my luxurious bath. Yes, luxurious was the word of the day. A giant footed bathtub filled with hot water and bubbles was waiting for me when I undressed out of the tattered clothes. I was able to fully go under the water, that is how large this bathtub was. Also, it had a line of different scented soap dispensers that I could choose from. At home, we had the standard soap that never changed. Not that I was complaining. I remember that when I was younger before my sister married, we were lucky to share a bar between all of us. It was all my parents could afford.

Staring at my soap options was the very first time I began to understand how my life was about to change. After negotiations were finalized and Edward and I were permitted to move into the estate that his grandfather left, my life would transform dramatically. There would be maids and silk sheets. A closet of proper clothes and jewelry. I wasn't the kind of girl who would go gaga over something like clothes and jewelry. I would be better off without it because everything came with a price. As Edward said, I would be expected to study and act accordingly. For every fancy puzzle piece of my new life, I would have to give up a part of me to make it fit.

There is a heated large towel on the chair just outside the bathing quarters. I see that Edward has provided a robe and basic undergarments to wear until my dress is back. I am still horribly underdressed to walk about the house, but I need to speak to Alice. I send her a text hoping she will come down to my guest quarters.

I stand in the middle not wanting to ruin any furniture with my damp hair. I am already unfavorable with Esme and Carlisle. I didn't need to make my position any lower than it already was if that was possible.

I hear a shy knock on the door and I rush to open it.

Alice's warm smile makes me want to weep. She was the only person to ever be fully on my side. I knew she would never turn her back on me no matter how destitute my station became.

"Oh, Alice. Thank god. I need to talk to someone and I don't know what to do," I said pulling her into the room.

She gave me a small smile and went over to sit down on the fancy bed while I closed the door.

"I don't know what is going on with you and Edward. I stood up for you both, but I am not stupid. I know my brother. He talked you into this, didn't he?"

I came over and stood by the bed beside her while my hands made work wringing the satin material of my robe with my hands.

"Everything is happening so fast. He found me in the forest. I was drinking. I was so angry with my sister and he cooked up this plan. I didn't want to say yes. I tried to talk some sense into him. Make him see reason. The only thing that made it possible for me was that he said we could tell you. I would never lie to you. Now I don't know what to do. I am going to be married to a man. A Cullen! Stuck in a marriage where I am going to watch my husband sleep with whomever he wishes. Eventually, he will find a proper wife who he could love and then, my role will be over. Doomed to walk the earth as a virgin for the rest of my life because no man will want me then."

"Wait, Edward said he would sleep with other people while you two were married?"

Forgetting myself, my body involuntarily finds a place next to Alice on the bed as I slowly sit down with a disconcerting look on my face.

"Bella, that would never happen. My brother may have changed since he was away, but he would never rub your nose in his ghastly affairs. Besides, even if I were to believe that this was true, why couldn't you find someone to sleep with on the side as well?"

I laughed and nearly fall back on the bed when I remembered my damp hair and stopped myself at the last second.

"And who would ever want to sleep with me?"

It was true! Who would ever want to sleep with me? Especially now. Even if I managed to catch a man's eye, he would never for fear of angering the Cullen's. It was looking more and more as if I would lose my very last ounce of self-respect and take my own virginity with a cucumber.

"Oh Bella," Alice admonished. "You are not as dire as you think you are."

I didn't want to respond to that statement. I looked away not wanting to believe her words.

"Edward told me that you have requested a Mr. Jacob Black to come and help you…"

I sighed.

"Apparently a miracle worker. Jessica paid an awful cost to bring him here to deal with my weight issues. I was only doing it for you. I didn't want to embarrass you during your wedding season. Now it looks like I have a few more people to not embarrass once my wedding season is to begin. I'm sure it would help your parents greatly if I were to be successful."

Alice placed her hand on mine.

"Don't be ridiculous. My parents don't get embarrassed and I would never be either. But I will support you because I think that even if you were to lose even a couple of pounds it might help you greatly with not being insecure. And I don't care about what deal you and my brother made. I know where his heart truly lies, and he will be good to you. I would never allow this to happen if I thought he would mistreat you."

That reminded me of Jessica. After everything she has said and threatened me with, I shouldn't think about her and her misfortunes but, she is my sister after all.

"Alice, Edward said something to me and I don't know what to do with it. He said that Jessica was being hit by Michael Newton. I had no idea. What should I do?"

Alice looked down at the quilt and cringed slightly while she thought over her next words. I could tell she was having a difficult time forming them. I couldn't blame her because I was still wondering how much I should worry about her myself. She closed her eyes briefly and then looked back at with ready with her response.

"Bella, I can't even begin to help you there. I believe my answer would make you think poorly of me. It is a horrible thing to have to endure but try not to get caught up in her choices. I fear you will come out more hurt than she is."

My sister could be pretty awful but a large part of me felt that I should still do something. I put her problems in the back of my mind and decided to focus on the plethora of my own. Alice stayed with me until my dress was done. She helped me back into my freshly laundered girdle and slip and buttoned up the back for me.

I was expecting to leave the house without having to say farewell to Edward. Customarily, I should want to say goodbye, but I forwent proper protocol and exited the house, happy that I made it outside without any other Cullen be none the wiser. I didn't particularly want to face a run-in with Esme or Carlisle.

The car was not out front and waiting as I had hoped. My foot plays with the top step as I try and decide if I should ask Edward for a ride home. I look down at my shoes and fear what it will do to my feet to make the journey home on foot. It was late enough in the afternoon that the walk wouldn't be as awful as it was hours before.

I look back to the house one last time and decide that a nice walk could have the benefit of clearing my mind of all that had transpired. My feet nearly hit the tree line when I hear Edward's voice shouting at me.

I turn back around to see him jogging down the steps.

"Bella!"

Oh great. Once again, he looks unhappy.

"What?" I huffed.

He runs up to me with wide eyes holding his hands out for an explanation.

"I didn't want to bother you. I just want to go home and…go to bed."

"It isn't even supper time. What were you thinking? Walking back home? Your parents would think the worst of me."

"My parents think you poop out pearls. I doubt they would think unfavorably on you."

He takes my hand and pulls me along with him towards the steps.

"You can wait a few minutes for Seth to bring along the car. You really do need to begin your studies. I swear…"

"Edward, if you say one more word about my studies, I am going to smother you while you sleep on our first night as husband and wife."

Edward let go of my hand and held his up asking me to calm myself.

"You have no idea how it burns my britches to hear you talk to me in such a fashion. You say you want to be friends, but you treat me as if I am lesser. And yes, I know I am lesser. I do not need to focus my studies on prominent families to know where your family sits on the hierarchy. I may have not been properly trained like some silly monkey smashing cymbals together, but I know more than you believe."

Edward stepped back and appraised me. He folded his arms across his chest with an amusing smile playing on his lips.

"Okay, name all the prominent families in just our state beginning with the highest."

I narrowed my eyes.

"Why would I need to learn all the families. It only matters who is on top, right?"

"Just amuse me."

"The Cullens," I sneered.

"That's correct. All you need to know, right?" Edward challenged.

Edward always did love winning a challenge, but I wasn't going to play his game any longer.

"I don't need your car. I would rather fancy a walk," I said turning back to head to the trees.

"Bella," Edward warned.

I rolled my eyes and kept walking. He quickly caught back up to me and stepped in my path.

"Fine, I fancy a walk too. Why don't we continue our discussion the whole way? We could have been done with it after a five-minute car ride but now it looks as if we will have quite a long time to go over everything. We could start with the families and then move on to proper etiquette for the Blessing Celebration. Alice will have hers first but ours can't be far behind. It would be good to know you are up to speed with proper decorum. But, perhaps we should begin with the appropriate etiquette for a lady addressing her intended."

I groaned out as if I were a wild beast and threw my hands up in the air.

"God, Edward! What is with you? I would never have agreed to this fake union if I had known that you would use it to find a way to stress me so. I fear I have become your new favorite toy to poke and prod for your amusement."

"No, Bella! I just want you to stop acting like you're a single girl. You are engaged now. We are in courtship and I would have thought you knew that with the offer I made to you, this would all come with your end of the agreement. You don't walk to or from my home anymore. You do not take your clothes off in the woods in anger. You are to act like a lady. I have your expense account in place and your Jacob Black to come and see you in the morning, but you don't get to just take. You have to give me a little too, you know. You agreed to keep up appearances and right now with your actions, you are failing to do so."

I sighed and looked down to the ground once again feeling thoroughly reprimanded.

"I'm sorry," I mumbled.

Edward sighed and looked away.

"I don't enjoy treating you like a child. Even when we were children, you always found ways to frustrate the hell out of me. Even before I understood our class system, I always felt this overwhelming need to protect you. When I finally learned that your family was a part of the lesser working class, those feelings only increased because I never wanted to think of you being subjected to the plights of most working-class individuals."

It was true, the working class usually lived far away from people like the Cullen's. They would bus in from their cities to do their work. In some cases, residences would be provided for certain positions that need to be close by. Which was why we were allocated the tiny farmhouse on the Cullen property. My mother worked for Edward's family and her position required she be nearby night and day.

I was fortunate enough to never have been exposed to the city and where all the lesser working class lived. In fact, it was forbidden by my parents for me to visit. The cities held the impoverished people and even though my family was only a station above, it would be wrong of someone in our position to go and walk about their community.

Our tiny house was only upgraded when the Newtons provided funds. Our one story turned into two. Our square footage nearly doubled to fifteen hundred square feet. Everything changed with Jessica's marriage.

"Bella, I know you must think I am so different from the boy you once knew, and you are right, I am. I have changed a great deal. I'm afraid six years of banishment would change a person. Turn me into the kind of man that would marry for money and sleep around on his wife. I need you to understand that I do care about you and I know that my banishment wasn't your fault but, I haven't been able to let go of the anger inside me. If I was being fair, I wouldn't give a damn about how you act, as long as you played your role, that should be the most I interceded in your life. But, I look at you and still see this child that should be protected. I shouldn't harp on your studies because you've always been the good little girl anxious to please. I will try to refrain from pressing on you further. So, let's play our roles and let me take you home."

He held out his hand and I looked at it as more than just a request to accompany me home. By taking his hand I would agree to continue on with this plan of his. Agree that I should marry a man who would take another to his bed every night. Know I will be down the hall and pretending that it wasn't killing me every second he would spend in her arms.

I take his hand and we walk back to the car. He accompanies me to the house where my parents await my return to see how our meeting with the senior Cullen has gone. I tell them a few words to let them know that negotiations may begin before retiring up to my room.

I slowly undress from the fancy outfit and pull off my girdle and drop it to the floor. I go over to my bed and pull back the cotton sheets and fit myself down inside. I pull the covers up over my head and turn to bury my face in the pillow.

I scream and scream.

I cry.

Edward Cullen will never want me. Edward Cullen will never love me. My husband will never want me. My husband will never love me.

I try and keep hidden in my room the days that followed. I blame a summer cold for the reason and my mother leaves me well alone believing that the stress of the recent events is to blame. Edward calls or texts to keep up with appearances. He pushed Jacob Black off for a couple of days believing the lie that I am ill.

It takes Alice to come over and get me up.

"Bella, I know you aren't really sick. You need to stop all of this. You cannot be absent your entire courtship. You also agreed to be my maid of honor and my Blessing Celebration is coming fast. Are you really going to shuck your duties?"

She pulls back the covers and I am relieved that the tears spilled are long gone. I throw an arm over my face from the bright light that blasts through my window.

"I'm just tired, Alice. Don't worry. I will be ready to do your bidding in the morning."

I look her over and see she isn't wearing the standard dress.

"What are you wearing, Alice?"

"Isn't it nice? I had it sent in from town. I can see why people work out. These clothes are so comfortable."

She has on a spandex-tight outfit similar to the one Jessica wore when she was exercising with me.

"Why are you wearing that? I can't imagine someone as thin as you would ever need to exercise."

She shrugged and landed gracefully upon my bed.

"Well, I thought that I could join you. Be your motivator. Who better to be in your corner. Jacob Black is waiting at my house and Edward said that your flu should have passed by now. He wanted to personally come over and drag you out. I thought I would save your dignity and come over and do it."

I closed my eyes and groaned.

"I don't want to work out right now. I am in mourning. I just need a few more days," I attempted.

"Bella, you have been sick for a week," she replied using quotation fingers for the word, sick. "I don't know what Edward said to you, but I know that if you two are going forward with this plan, you need to keep up appearances and you can't deny your fiancé a visit when you are in courtship."

Edward knew he should visit me while I was 'sick.' But I kept telling my mother I wasn't up for visitors. I decided that the best way to handle this fake relationship was to see Edward as little as possible. It would keep my heart safe knowing that every time I saw him, it would pain me to do so.

"Come on. Up and out of bed. Jacob is waiting, and I am sure Edward will require a word with you as well."

I huffed and stomped out of bed grabbing my t-shirt and pants from off my chair. I stomped around the bathroom and slammed drawers as I prepared myself. Alice didn't say one word to me until we were in the car.

"Use that anger, Bella. It will help," she said before getting out the car door.

Jacob Black was already standing outside and getting his equipment ready for our session.

"Bella," he greeted me happily.

He came over and gave me a hug which was weird since I had only met him one time before.

"I am so honored that you requested to work with me again. It tells me that you are in it to win it!"

And so the clichés begin.

I gave him a half smile.

"What's all this?" I asked motioning to the light blue bags on the ground.

"Well, I thought we would go for a walk today."

I gave him a look.

"Hey, you gotta learn to walk before you can run," he laughed. "But before we begin, I want to weigh you in. We need to know what we are starting with so we can be proud of every victory pound we lose."

Jacob had a scale up on the pavement and I felt nervous. I never weighed myself. I didn't want to know how big I was. Wasn't it already bad enough that I had everyone telling me that I was fat, I didn't need a scale to tell me too.

"It's okay, Bella. I won't look. It will be just between you and Jacob." Alice rubbed my arm for support knowing that I was having a difficult time.

I looked at her and took her hand shaking my head.

"No, it's okay. I trust you more than anyone."

I walked over to the scale and watched as the number rose quickly. I close my eyes and Jacob quietly says the number while writing it down on his notepad. I step off and hope that is all the embarrassment I must endure for the day.

Jacob begins to strap on the blue bags that are weighted with sand around my waist, my arms, and my legs. I feel like an idiot trying to walk with an extra fifty pounds. At first, it isn't so bad, but Jacob's walk goes on for a mile and do remember, we are dealing with hot humid summer temperatures. Alice walks beside me talking and trying to keep my mind off the pain and struggle I feel. Jacob walks along the other side interjecting his little sayings like an annoying pecking bird.

Every second that passes I wonder why I ever asked Edward for this. By the time we return home, I am determined to ask Edward to make Jacob Black disappear by any means necessary.

"Great job today, Bella. I am so proud of you. Just remember, slow progress is still progress. Tomorrow, I dare say we should double it. It would make things easier the earlier we begin. How about six am? Maybe we can even fit another workout later in the day?"

I wanted to hurl onto his feet, but I refrained. I didn't verbally reply. I gave him a thumbs up and waited while he removed all his weights.

"Do well with your lunch and dinner portions and be sure to eat your healthy snacks in between. And if you are ever in a weak moment and feeling hungry, know that good things happen when you experience hunger."

Do not smack Jacob Black. Look at him, Bella. His muscles could probably smack you back without even moving an inch. Do not slap Jacob Black.

"Thank you, Jacob," I said calmly.

He loaded up his car and Alice waved goodbye.

I began to head home through the woods, but Alice caught me by the arm.

"Your fiancé?" she questioned giving me a stern look to remind me that I needed to see Edward.

"I'll text him later."

"You will not. He will come to your house and I don't want to think of what he will do if you don't get in there and talk to him."

I sighed and stared up to the heavens hating my life and asking God for quick execution.

"Fine," I replied turning back towards the house.

I stomp up the stairs. The cool air blasting me in the face was the only reason I was happy to be here. Drenched in sweat and looking positively disgusting, I waited in the entryway while Alice went to call on her brother.

I was hot, tired and not in the mood for one of Edward's and my boxing matches. So, I told myself that whatever he wanted, I would just agree to it quickly so I could return home and be done with him. The fastest way to get out of there and keep my heart guarded.

"Are you feeling better?" he asked coming down the stairs.

"Yes," I replied.

"Good. It would be nice in the future if you can agree to let me up and see you when you are sick. I don't want your parents believing that we are in a fight."

"Okay," I replied.

"Bella, are you upset with me?"

"No," I replied.

"Would you prefer to go home and shower? I can come to you in an hour, so we can sit and have a discussion."

I shrugged.

"Whatever you want, you need only ask."

He scoffed and moved to rub his temples. It seemed that my attitude was displeasing.

"We need to go over a few things. It would be helpful if you could clue me in on some terms that your parents would respect for our negotiations as a beginning point."

I laughed humorlessly.

"Edward, I am pretty sure they will agree to nearly anything you could offer. I doubt I am worth much to stall the negotiation process. Truly. Just give the standard and they will sign whatever you propose."

I looked to the side and folded my arms across my chest trying to hold myself together long enough to return home and to my bed.

"What is the matter with you?" Edward asked. "Why do you refuse to look at me."

I smash my lips together to keep them from trembling and squeeze my hands into fists.

"I know I requested Jacob Black but can I cancel it?" I asked hoping the change in direction would throw Edward off.

I see Edward move and change his stance. He's inspecting me.

"Why? Did he do something? Say something?"

I shook my head.

"No. I just decided to go a different way." I sighed. "Look, I should get home. I promised I would help my mother make dinner this evening. I need to prep my meal. Is there anything I can do for you or can I go?"

I see Edward narrow his eyes and appraise me.

"No."

I finally look up at him surprised he wouldn't let me go.

"No to leaving and no to canceling Jacob Black," he said.

My mouth drops open.

"There is something you aren't telling me, and I don't care if you stand here all night. You aren't going home until we have an open discussion."

I no longer feel the need to cry. I want to punch something very badly. Or someone.

Edward walks over to the lounge chair in the corner and sits down to wait for me.

"What do you want from me, Edward? You said you needed to know about my requests for negotiations. I don't care. Put whatever you like in the damn contract."

"Whatever I like?" Edward asked standing back up. "Okay, how about I put in that I have the permission to smack your butt for your insolence? I wouldn't beat you, but I know that smacking is a common practice down south. Hell, it took a week for the Whitlock's to let go of that clause in Alice's contract and they only did so at Jasper's personal request. I could take out the amicable clause that will state all monies return back to me in the event of divorce."

"You jerk! You told me that you would give me that when I agreed to this whole nightmare," I spit.

"Nightmare? What exactly has caused this to be so terrible for you? I have given you everything you have asked for and yet you still continue to deny me the basic respect to keep up appearances. I don't know how this will ever work if you continue to act this way. What more do you want from me!" he yelled.

I couldn't hold it in. I feel my eyes watering. He has said some harsh things before. He has threatened me before and yet, still, I hold out hope for him. To have these feelings for him when he will never treat me with half the love and respect I truly have for him.

"Nothing. I don't want anything from you," I whispered. "Put whatever you like in the contract. Smack me. Beat me. Do your worse. It might make things easier in the end."

Even though he hasn't dismissed me I turn to leave but he catches me at the door and stops me. He forcefully pulls me into a hug and continues to securely hold onto me even though I am trying to push him away.

"It's okay, Bella," he whispers.

I break down and sob in his arms. A part of me telling myself to stop. I am embarrassing myself. I am sweaty and gross. I am snotting all over his fine silky shirt, a shirt that smells divine. But he makes no move to push me away in disgust even though his arms are probably strained from trying to wrap themselves around my large frame. I sniffle back the snot that invades my nostrils as I attempted to get ahold of myself.

"I know I must marry you but being around you hurts my very soul. It is easier if you just let me stay away. I will perform my role. I promise. You will get your inheritance. Please…. don't make me see you more than I have to."

Edward looks hurt. He stalls, and I can see his eyes are searching while he thinks about what he should do. Slowly he lets go of me and steps back. He nods his head and then turns away and leaving me behind.

I won.

I finally won a battle with Edward.

Didn't I?


	7. Chapter 7

CHAPTER SEVEN

Edward received my message loud and clear. I hadn't seen him in over a week. It was nearing the end of summer and I was looking forward to the fall winds and changes on the leaves. Fall was my favorite time of year. The colors. The weather. The dark clothing. It was perfect.

I told my mother and father that Edward needed to focus on the upcoming semester of his first year at college. He had been accepted into his school of choice and now it was time to ready himself for the beginning of his career.

Jacob Black showed up on my doorstep every morning. The only text message I sent to Edward was to ask him why he didn't cancel Jacob Black. His only response to my inquiry was short and simple. No. He didn't call to lecture me on the power he held over me. He didn't come by to have a discussion. He was respecting my boundaries but not respecting my request.

Alice came to work out occasionally, as well. After the first couple of days with Jacob, I had to admit it wasn't so terrible. Bad clichés and all. I wonder if Edward talked to Jacob Black because he seemed to throw an exceptional amount of his little sayings at me the morning after I asked Edward to cancel him.

When you are about to quit, ask yourself why you started. Get comfortable with being uncomfortable. Magic is what happens when you do not give up even though you want to.

Okay, so I may have started playing a game in my mind. It was so very wrong of me to do so but every single cliché Jacob Black would hurl at me, I imagined he was saying it while engaging in sexual activity. It made me laugh to think about his poor girlfriend or wife trying to achieve maximum pleasure while Jacob whispered, "compromise your comfort zone," into her ear.

I tried to not think about Edward and my pending union. It was made difficult by my mother always wanting me to engage with her and give me little details which I had to lie about. I found myself going to the hospital for my volunteer work just so I could get away from her.

"Hey, Bella. You keep putting in these hours and we just might have to pay you," Sam said seeing me come through the front door.

Sam was from the lesser working class but since he was able to be worthy for a job at the hospital, it entitled him to better pay than most.

"Morning Sam. Anyone new this morning?" I asked with a smile.

"Yep. I got one that has been waiting for you since last night," he replied handing me the chart. "Sorry," he apologized softly.

I looked down and saw the name and my heart ached. I looked back at him and asked. "How's it looking?"

"Not good. I thought you might be able to cheer her up. I have her favorite right here," he replied handing me the Cinderella book.

I took the book and handed him back the chart before turning to head off for the children's ward.

It was Bree Tanner. One of my frequent fliers. She seemed to be in and out of the hospital nearly as much as I was. However, her situation was far more dire. I would go up to the children's ward and read and act out their favorite tales.

Seeing Bree laying in her bed made all my problems look like cake. It was the first time I was able to get some perspective. Here I was crying over a silly boy and his issues while this girl would love nothing more than to spend one healthy month out of these walls and living like a normal happy child.

"Hey Bree," I cheerfully announced walking in with my book in hand.

"Bella. I hoped you'd be here," she slowly breathes out.

"Don't talk," I said quietly. "Just listen, okay?"

I take her hand and give it a gentle squeeze before picking up the book and beginning where we left off the previous time. I would only stop when she would begin coughing and I would have to reach for her oxygen mask.

Bree's parents were seldom around. Her father was a governor, so he had a lot on his plate managing the state. I knew what an important role that was, but it always upset me that Bree's mother couldn't be bothered to sit with her child more. She probably felt her time was best suited else ware.

When Bree was asleep, I left the book by her bedside and stepped out quietly. I didn't want to be left alone with my thoughts because then I would feel worse for using so much of my energy with being upset with my impending marriage. Such a silly thing to be upset over when you were watching a child fade right in front of you.

Mindlessly I begin my walk back to the head nurses' station to see if there was anything more for me to do or if I should just leave that day. I was so focused on trying to not focus on Edward that I didn't even hear my name being called.

"Isabella."

"Isabella."

Carlisle shook my shoulder a little and I instantly woke up. I feel my face flame with embarrassment. I hadn't seen or spoken to Carlisle since the day of our exciting announcement.

"I'm sorry, sir."

I shake my head and look around.

"Just…had an upsetting patient. Was there something you needed?"

Carlisle looked at me with warm questioning eyes.

"Why don't you come to my office. I would like to speak to you for a moment."

I feel my nerves kick up. I wondered if he had the chance to look into my medical file and find the answers he sought to my fertility and the chances I had to bring an heir to term. I wished I could tell him that it was a waste of time since his son would never touch me.

I followed him to his office and felt faint for doing so. I wished Edward was here. Esme, I could probably handle but Carlisle intimidated me like Edward was intimidated by his mother. After the short awkward ride in the elevator and a slow uncomfortable walk, we finally arrived at his office.

I walk in and Carlisle takes to see the door is shut properly. I stand, waiting for him to begin. I was sure he was about to speak on his displeasure that due to his son's stubborn nature, I was about to be his new daughter-in-law.

He gestures requesting me to sit and I do so slowly and stiffly. He walks behind his desk and sits down and then stares at me. My eyes begin to move around trying not to focus on his.

"I know why you are doing this. I know why my son is doing this. I am not upset with you. I understand your reasoning, Isabella."

"I'm sorry," I whispered.

"No. I'm sorry. I don't condone what you and my son are doing. He is holding you hostage for choices I felt I had no control over. I know you heard our argument. Edward has told you the reasons why he was sent away. My son changed because I was unable to go against my father and I am afraid that you will pay most of all for our family's issues."

"Why would you think that?" I asked looking to him.

"Because I know you love Edward. It is written all over your face. You love my son and he doesn't deserve your love or loyalty. I have known you your whole life. Watched you grow up as I have my own children. More so than Edward. I know you don't feel like you fit in. If you had befriended any other family, I fear you probably would have been thrown out. But, like I tell my children, Cullen's have the luxury of doing what we please. We don't bend to societal pressures. We are allowed to live by our own rules."

I sighed and bit my lip.

"Why are you telling me this? Do you want me to try and talk your son out of his…this?"

"My son will never yield. Once he gets an idea in his head you know how difficult it is to have him change it. I know he cares for you and that small amount of care will be the only thing that blinds him from doing what is right. Letting you go so you can find someone to respect and love you fully."

I laughed.

"I don't think there is a man out there who would do that for me."

"I don't want to see you hurt, Bella."

It was the first time he ever called me Bella. Even Edward knew to call me Isabella when we were in front of our parents. Esme called me Bella but that was because she was a woman. It wasn't proper for a man to address me so informally unless he was a lesser.

"I care about you. I know you two will go on with this. I have scrutinized your contract more than Alice's because I know you don't have anyone who will stand up and be your voice. Your parents would agree to any clause. No matter what it meant to you."

"You don't know that," I defended giving my parents far too much credit.

"Don't I? I saw your sister contract. They approved Michael Newton to physically handle his wife as he saw fit. If we put a similar clause in yours, not that I believe Edward would ever hit you, your parents would sign either blindly or unsympathetically."

I can't control my tears. It hurts because he is right, and I am so angry that my parents would allow for such a passage.

"Bella," Carlisle says softly. "I won't allow that to happen. I will stand and be your voice. I will ensure respectability and do everything I can to protect you and your own interests. Even if it means protecting you from my own son."

He stood up and walked around his desk to me.

"Why would you do that for me? I know I am not the girl you had hoped for Edward. Society would want you to pick a Hale or a Denali. Not some lesser working-class fat girl."

"Do not ever speak about my new daughter like that ever again. I mean it. You are no longer any of those things. You are a Cullen. Now I will tell you what I tell all my children. Cullen's have the luxury of doing what we please. We do not bend to societal pressures. We are allowed to live by our own rules. I want you to remember this as you begin your wedding season. Remember that when you are helping Alice with her wedding season and don't be afraid to let everyone know down at Kenzie Court where Isabella Swan stands on the list of prominent families. Where is that again?"

I swallow and give him a watery smile.

"At the top."

"That's right. Good girl."

Carlisle gave me an honest to goodness hug. I would never be able to repay Carlisle Cullen for everything that he would do for me. This talk was the first. His word gave me more self-confidence than anyone who came before. I felt honored with his acceptance. My disturbing thoughts on how he acted in his study after Edward and I opened up about our impending union was taken all wrong. Carlisle wasn't upset that Edward chose me and therefore it was an embarrassment to the family. He was more concerned about seeing me hurt.

I check in one more time on Bree before I take my leave. Her small frail body and stats told me that she would be lucky to last the week. My heart aches for her as a silent tear falls down my cheek. It occurs to me then that this was a decent use of my tears. Not crying over boys who would never love me. I wasted too much time and energy on something that would never change, and it was time to move on. My time to mourn for my new life was over. Now it was time to face Edward and get to living my new life.

I asked the driver that Edward had set me up with to take me to the Cullen's. I wasn't sure if Edward would be home, but I felt that I should begin there. My feet travel purposely toward his bedroom door. It was time to put an end to this.

I knock twice and wait.

When Edward opens the door, I can see the shock register on his face instantly.

"Bella."

God, it had been so long since I saw him, and I can feel my body reacting to his pleasant features. What I wouldn't do for just…

Stop it, Bella!

"Sorry. Am I interrupting?"

"No, um...is there something wrong? Do you need something?"

I bit my lip. My bravado beginning to wear off.

"No, I just wanted a minute of your time to talk. I can come back if this isn't an appropriate time."

Edward pulled open his door and gestured for me to come in. I walked in and felt funny for entering his private quarters. I never saw his room even when we were children. The walls are paneled with wood like Alice's, but he had some framed pictures of various musical artists hung up around. His bed is large and in the center of the room with a dark blue satin top. I slowly walk towards his leather couch and sit down awkwardly. Edward sits in the armchair to the left near the window.

I worked out my speech in the car on the way over, but the beginning is failing me now as I try and recall it. Begin with an apology for your actions. Assure him on your future actions and finish with gratitude.

"Bella, just be out with it. You'll never be able to remember your speech word for word. Give me the gist and well go from there."

I sighed irritated. I swear he can read my damn mind sometimes.

"I'm sorry. I wanted to come here and apologize for my behavior. You're doing this wonderful thing for me and I have been acting like a petulant child because I am upset with so many things and none of them really fall on you being the reason for my poor conduct. I wanted to assure you that going forward I will be the picture of societal grace and respect. I won't let you down. I will attend to my studies and you will never find a better fake wife than I. I promise I will do better."

He looks confused. He closes his eyes and then shakes his head as if he is having issues with comprehending my declaration. He stands up and walks over to join me on the couch.

"Bella, you needn't apologize. I know I haven't exactly made this transition any smoother. I guess my temper hasn't gotten any better with age. I don't want to hurt you. I hope you know that. I have been so angry with myself and how I have dealt with you for the past few weeks. I don't blame you for calling this a nightmare. I deserve every harsh word. I see it written all over my mother and father's faces. Their disappointment. Not from choosing you but for how I have acted."

I shake my head.

"No, Edward. You are just like me. We both fight with one another because we are taking out our frustrations with outside entities on each other. You're upset with your grandfather and I am...upset with the way the world continues to work."

Edward scoffed.

"I have to know. What exactly would you change if you were a governor? How would you change things if you were able to hold the majority vote in your favor?"

I sat back and looked straight ahead out the window to think my answer through. I knew he would love to debate whatever I said. This could cause us to go into another fight.

"It doesn't matter. Women can't be governors. I guess you'll never know."

"This is a hypothetical situation, Bella. An alternate universe where a woman could be governor so answer the question."

I narrowed my eyes and took a deep breath in.

"Okay, for starters. Women would have equal representation and be able to be governors. We would hold a position of power so we could be able to make changes to the current structure. I would dissolve the current system and positions would be open to all and earned by gaining the respect of the people. All the people."

"You would completely dissolve our system. Anyone could be in charge, even a member of the lesser working class?"

"Why not?" I challenged.

Edward laughed. "Well, for one there would be chaos. There is a reason our system has lasted throughout time and history. You were born into a lower station so I'm sure it is easy for you to dismiss the hard work of all the prominent individuals above you. If it was open to all and every to be in a position of power, then you would have corruption."

"And you're saying there isn't any now?" I questioned.

Edward sighed. "I'm not saying there isn't but when you let individuals with no political aptitude an opportunity to weigh in on issues they know nothing of it can lead to apathetic and misguided voting that could put a person in a position of power that could detrimentally put an end of us all. And all this because you don't want to get married to secure your welfare because when it comes down to it, Bella, that is what this is about, is it not?"

It was my turn to sigh.

"I don't know why we are discussing this. It's not like things will ever change but I don't think you are as educated as you believe. You are used to being at the top and looking down. if you could get your head out of the clouds and come down to the commoners than I imagine you could be enlightened."

I see my words have made him upset. I feel it too. Were we like this when we were children? I don't remember every discussion turning into a hostile debate. I think back, and a smile slowly forms on my face and I let out a laugh.

"What?" Edward snapped.

I shake my head.

"I was just wondering if we were like this when we were children. If we were, how ever did we remain friends for so long and then I thought back and yes, we were very much like this. I can't believe I had forgotten. You used to infuriate me with your pompous attitude. You always thought you knew everything."

"I wasn't the only one. You were as stubborn as hell. I had to be pompous to be a fair match for your stubborn nature. God, I still remember when you broke your arm falling out of that tree and you wanted me to just leave you to return back to your house all by yourself when my father was a doctor and you couldn't receive better medical care."

I practically jumped in my chair sitting to face him.

"There was a reason, Edward. My mother had forbidden me out of the house that evening. I was on restriction and yet, you talked me into sneaking out. If I had gone home like I wanted to, I could have made up some story of how my arm broke and then I wouldn't have been grounded for a month."

"Don't try and pin that on me. You were always the worst liar. No matter what story you spun, your parents would know the second the words trickled off your tongue."

We both laughed and for the first time in years and it felt normal to do so. I look at Edward's perfect face and I can see the boy I once knew. His smile is absent of the harsh years that separated us. It was the first genuine Edward smile I had seen since we were children. I think he notices it too. His smile doesn't fade fast, but he slowly pulls back.

"Bella."

I look down and away from him before I allow more feelings to remind me of the harsh truth.

"I promise to be better. To be your friend again. I hope you will allow that."

It was probably all he could offer me. I could see it now. His behavior was deplorable, but I can't imagine I would act any better being put out by my family for years at the request of a grandparent. I nearly laugh. The Cullen's walked around believing they were untouchable. Even Carlisle had said that they were afforded the luxury of doing whatever they pleased because of their position and yet, apparently that wasn't so. If grandpa Cullen could turn out his own grandson, it meant that no matter who you were, there would always be someone higher to answer to.

"I would very much like to be your friend again. I don't want to fight with you. I find it extremely exhausting and I would much rather save my energy for more important matters. I know that I have asked this before. I know your parents have asked this. I guess I really need to hear you say it one more time. Are you sure you want to do this? There are far more suitable offers for marriage. I hear the Denali's have a young girl who has not begun negotiations for her hand. She would be a very respectable choice."

Edward sighed and moved closer to me.

"I am fine with this decision. I look forward to calling you my wife," he teased.

I rolled my eyes.

"Well, I think there are a few things we really need to discuss if we are going through with this sham."

Edward seemed to think about my words and wonder what I was referring to.

"Is this regarding negotiations? Have you come here to request something?"

I shook my head.

"No, like I said. I don't particularly care what the Cullen's offer. Don't get me wrong. I do hope that you didn't go ahead with the whole...smacking clause and will make good on your word for an amicable divorce."

His head falls forward and he shakes it sadly.

"Once again, I am sorry. I was being an ass. Of course, I would never...and I believe my parents would smack me into next year if I requested it. You don't have to worry."

I felt a little relieved. Not that I believed Edward would ever raise a hand to me but, I appreciated that he saw the error of his ways.

"Also, I will do my best to not treat you as a child and let my anger rule me when we...get into our tiffs."

"And respect my requests?" I asked.

Once again, he searched wondering what I was speaking on. I see the light in his eyes when he realizes it.

"Jacob Black." He sighed. "If you like, I will cancel him."

I shrugged. "Actually, he isn't so bad. It is working out. I was just upset and had a moment of weakness when I saw you that day."

"I know you did. I remember what that felt like in the beginning. I remember wanting to quit but I didn't because I knew what I would lose if I didn't do as my grandfather requested. I had something far more precious pushing me to lose the weight. You don't have that push. I don't care if you lose the weight or not but if you do want to, I can help in motivating you properly. Like I said. I've been where you have been. I know it's hard. It will take more than you know."

I hated talking about the elephant in the room. Bad joke, I know. This talk was turning serious, so I decided to lighten it up.

"Well, I did lose two pounds so small victory there for every pound I lose."

"Bella. The victory isn't in the pounds you lose. The victory comes in you choosing to agree to work at it every day."

I rolled my eyes.

"Geez, your clichés are as bad as Jacob's. Was there some school for weight loss you both attended?"

Edward didn't answer. He looked as if he was deciding whether he should ask me a question or not.

"How is...Jacob Black? Does he...treat you right? Is he respectable?"

I furrowed my brow. What an odd question to ask.

"He's fine. As I said, he could do better by laying off the motivational stupid speeches but of course, he is respectable. He is kind to me which is something I wasn't expecting. He doesn't treat me like the fat girl. Which I appreciate. He really is…"

I think over my time with Jacob and I am amazed that he has been so kind. He never cringes when he touches me. He always smiles and tells me that I am doing well even when I'm not. He has been exactly what I needed. And he wasn't half bad to look at. I think about yesterday when he is demonstrating how he wants me to use this rope to climb up these planks and his firm butt was in my direct line of sight. I shake my head of the thoughts forgetting that Edward's eyes are trained on me.

"Good. I promise you'll get your money's worth," I finish quickly hoping I am not flush. Edward makes a small sound of acknowledgment. Somehow our innocent conversation has turned awkward quickly.

"So...this was a good talk. I probably shouldn't keep you long. I'm sure you have plenty to do and I agreed to hand address each of Alice's invitations. So, I should brush up on my calligraphy."

I move to stand up from the couch and Edward quickly joins me.

"You needn't leave on my account. I have appreciated this time with you. In fact, I was wondering if you would be up for dinner tomorrow evening. We haven't exactly gone public with our courtship and I know this amazing pasta place not far from here."

I tuck my hair back behind my ear and remind myself that he is only asking me to go out for the sake of appearances. No reason to get excited and I had no reason to say no.

"Sure, but I hope they have more on their menu than pasta. Jacob doesn't want me eating that kind of food. Lean proteins and leafy greens he keeps pushing. Plus, there are probably a few more things we should go over in order for this to work. We should define expectations and how exactly we plan to get around certain expectations."

I knew what needed to be said even if I was too much of a coward for saying it now. I turned to leave out the door, but Edward put his hand out to stop me.

"Wait a minute. What exactly are you referring to?"

Oh god. I cringed and slowly turned around.

"We don't have to go over this now. It will give us something to talk about at dinner tomorrow evening. Also, you don't mind if I order in a dress for tomorrow. I haven't purchased anything respectable for this kind of event?" I only asked that last part hoping it would throw him off.

"Uh...yes, of course. The expense account is yours to do with as you see fit. I'm surprised you haven't used it yet."

"Oh, great! Then I should pop in on your sister. She has a much better eye for this kind of thing. Thank you again for seeing me. I look forward to working with you in the future. Till tomorrow."

I look forward to working with you in the future? God, I sounded like I was interviewing for a position. I turned and quickly left. My words making me sound like an idiot. I was so worried he would make me stay and continue with my list of worries. We were doing so well. I didn't want to throw a wrench in his works in asking just how he planned on getting around a few things to go forward with the fake marriage. The society that he so loved had certain expectations and I wasn't sure he thought everything through. You see, if we were living in my dream society, we would never be pressured in proving that Edward did in fact, take my virginity on our wedding night.


	8. Chapter 8

CHAPTER EIGHT

Mrs. Cope had been down with the real flu not like the summer flu I had faked. However, she still tended to her work, I felt bad thinking that she should be required to keep up with her hefty chore list, so I decided to help her out to hopefully lighten her load. In the past, I wouldn't mind since I understood how hard it could be to keep up. I took over her chore of cleaning the floors, believing that the hard work would make Jacob proud of me. Not only an early morning workout but now I was slaving away on my hands and knees to scrub down our floors which were looking a bit atrocious.

I knew my mother would want the house to be extra clean when Edward arrived that evening to take me out. I hadn't told my mother about our plans yet. I was still working up the courage to do so. I knew once she learned of my evening dinner, she would then pester me about making myself presentable. I didn't need to waste my day away in a bath or having my hair fixed just right. Plus, she would immediately begin to harp on poor Mrs. Cope to ready our house.

The doorbell rang when I had just finished the kitchen and was ready to begin on the main hallway. I placed my scrubbing brush back into the bucket and dusted myself off to see who was at my front door. I see the outline in our etched glass and instantly worry. What was Edward doing here this early? I still had five more hours.

I looked a mess. It seemed rare for me to look presentable when it came to Edward Cullen. I sighed and slowly pulled open the door knowing there was no possibility for me to clean myself up.

Edward's mouth drops open to greet me, but he is silenced by my disheveled appearance. I see he is carrying a load in his arms. I already know why he is here from the looks of the contents. I attempt to refrain from laughing and instead I gave him a cringing smile.

"You're…probably rethinking this whole marriage thing, aren't you?"

"What are you doing?" he asked mixed with disgust and wonderment.

I opened the door wider and turned to walk back over towards my bucket. Edward entered in behind me and closed the door probably worried of someone respectable catching sight of me. I got back down on my hands and feet and picked the brush back up.

"My parents aren't home, but you can place those on the side table and I will be sure my parents receive them. They will be humbly gracious for your offering."

It was customary for a gentleman to bring a gift to both the mother and father of the lady he was courting before a date. Like a request. The presents were no more than a bribe but surely we would never call it that.

Edward set them down on the table and walked over to me.

"What are you doing Bella? Please get off the floor this instance."

I sighed and rolled my eyes. I tossed the brush back into my bucket and would continue when he left. I stood back up and he took my hands.

"God. Look at your hands. You shouldn't be doing housework. That is a lesser's job. Where is your maid?" he ordered looking over my hands, his fingers feeling the palms and pressing the centers roughly.

"Edward, she is ill. I was trying to help her out."

"Then I will get you another. Look at your hands, Bella. We are going into our wedding season where you will be expected to squeeze a lot of prominent hands. What would people think if they believed my intended had the hands of a common working girl."

Give me patience.

I breathed out slowly and smiled.

"Of course. My apologies. Anything else I can do for you before I go?"

He narrowed his eyes.

"Should I speak to your mother about this?"

I dropped the smile.

"Please don't tell my mother, Edward. I don't want to get Mrs. Cope in trouble. Please," I begged.

"Then promise me."

I looked down at my hands and could see the rough patches where my skin rubbed against the wood for the better part of the afternoon.

"Fine. I promise," I replied sadly.

"Moisturize your hands tonight. I will ask my mother and Alice to invite you over more. I think you should be around proper ladies so you may learn…"

I closed my eyes trying to refrain from leaning down and picking up the bucket to bash him upside the head.

"…don't give me that look, Bella," he finished.

"I thought I remember you saying yesterday that you would leave me be as long as I played my part in public. You're doing it again, Edward. Not less than twenty-four hours and you are already harping on my studies once more."

He laughed and held up his hands, "Okay. I will try as long as you keep your promise. I will have a second maid attend to your house. But…seriously. Please try and…"

"Not act as if I am a lesser?" I asked.

"Exactly," he replied seeming happy with my response.

I leaned down and picked up the bucket.

"Okay, I won't scrub the floors anymore." I pulled the brush out of the water to dry it.

"There's my good girl," Edward mocked.

I looked back up at him and smacked him across the head with the dirty brush. The water slapping him in the face and soaking his hair with suds. Edward Cullen who loved nothing more than putting his tongue to good use opened his mouth in shock.

"Don't take life so seriously, Edward," I said back in the same tone as his misguided comment.

He looked like he was about to grab my brush and make use of it against me but when his eyes narrowed, he had a wicked gleam in them.

"Two can play that game," he said quickly rushing to grab my bucket. I pulled as hard as I could, but he was so very much stronger. He easily tackled it away and then proceeded to toss the contents over my head. I screamed and launched myself at him trying to spare myself, but it was of no use. We both landed on the floor covered in the dirty water while we wrestled.

The door opened and we both looked back at my mother while she stood there in shock at her wet floors and her daughter tangled with her fiancé sitting smack dab in the middle.

"Mrs. Swan," Edward said getting up quickly from the floor. He pulled me up with him. "My apologies. I promise I am sending someone to help clean the mess."

I attempted to clean my hair and smash it down in place, but it wasn't my hair that distressed my mother or the fact that we turned her floors into an undesirable mess.

"Bella, what are you wearing?" she asked horrified. "What must Mr. Cullen think."

My eyes cast downward but Edward saved me.

"Oh, Mrs. Swan. Isabella would be beautiful no matter what she was wearing. However," he turned to me. "please make use of that expense account and see to some new clothes. Your mother is right. You deserve to wear nice clothes. Only the best for my love."

Edward always played his role well. He leaned down and kissed me on the lips. He straightened back up and walked over to the side table where he had left his offering.

"Please accept this offering. I would very much appreciate the company of your daughter this evening."

From the look of it, Edward had brought my mother some fancy European chocolates and my father a bottle of cognac. I'm sure both items would amount to a month's salary. My mother fanned herself and gave Edward a gentle squeeze of her hand to share her appreciation.

"Mr. Cullen," she gasped.

"Please, we are to be family soon. Call me Edward."

"Well, I don't know why you would ever choose my daughter especially in the state she is in, but we are so very thankful that you have afforded her the opportunity to be a good wife to you."

Wow was that a slap in the face.

"I assure you, Mrs. Swan, Isabella has already helped me in ways you could not imagine. I just hope I will be a good husband to her. Now, if you will excuse me. I'm afraid I need to prepare myself properly for this evening. Isabella? Would you accompany me to the car?"

I nodded once and as I passed by my mother, she attempted to wipe my clothes off nearly smacking my body harshly to do so. Edward took my hand and led me to the car.

"Like you poop pearls, I swear," I grumbled.

"Now be nice," Edward scolded.

We went down to his car and he turned to me one last time.

"Now kiss me," he ordered.

"We just kissed," I whined.

"Your mother is watching. Kiss me or I will kiss you."

What a threat.

"We are covered in grime. Just get into your fancy car and try not to be upset when you see me this evening remembering how much dirt you had to wash from your hair."

He pushed me up against the car before I could say another word and forcefully pushed his tongue into my mouth. Damn. I hated when he did this. I mean, I loved when he did that, but it would make me want more. Much much more. Now I would be forced to take a cold bath to help relieve me from my wicked thoughts.

"Go clean up. I will see you tonight."

I stumbled towards the house. My feet tripping over nothing from the lack of oxygen my brain must have endured. I take the steps slowly knowing what is awaiting me on the other side of the door. My mother puts down her box of chocolates the second she sees me. She wasn't watching us as Edward had believed. She was scoping out her high-priced chocolates.

"Bella, for the sake of my heart. Would you please get upstairs and make yourself presentable? He will be back soon to take you someplace nice, I imagine. You don't want to embarrass yourself any further."

I turned towards the staircase rolling my eyes at her when I was sure she was out of range and climbed the steps to begin the process. The dress Alice had ordered online was hanging on the back of my door ready for the fancy dinner Edward was taking me to. The only way she was able to talk me into the shorter dress was by promising that I could wear leggings underneath. Leggings were becoming all the rage. I doubt they would be acceptable in Kenzie court but perhaps the lower court, Vassallus, the ladies could get away with it there. I would miss Vassallus. Kenzie only allowed the entrance of prominent ladies from established money or ladies who married into established money. Vassallus was for all ladies who were not a lesser. I had gone to Vassallus several times throughout my life and it wasn't as highbrow as Kenzie. Now it looked like I would need to invest in Edward's expense account to dress accordingly.

The moment I sat down in my bath I knew why I was wishing to push this off for as long as possible. When I was scrubbing the floors, it was easier to focus on the dirty spots. But in a bath, I was left alone once more with my thoughts. I feel my nerves kick up as I think about the show I will have to put on tonight. The fancy restaurant I would never have been able to afford if it wasn't for my new fiancé. Everyone would be watching us tonight and it would only be a matter of hours before every single prominent family learned of Edward's intentions to marry the fat girl from granted money.

I promised Edward I would play my role. I wouldn't let him down. It was only fair for everything he had already generously provided. I knew the proper decorum for a dinner at a fine dining establishment. I also knew that I was to let Edward order for me. I hoped he would stick to my dietary plan Jacob prescribed. Perhaps I would remind him in the car so that we don't create a faux pau when the waiter stands before us.

My mother pushed me out of the tub and began to force me to endure her wrath while she pulled at my hair to fancy it up. The new maid had arrived and finished cleaning the floors downstairs while my mother made it known of her dissatisfaction for my actions that afternoon.

"What do I have to do to impress upon you that you need to change your ways. Prominent men don't come along every day for girls like you and not only did you find a husband but a Cullen. I don't understand why you continue to embarrass yourself wearing those clothes and acting like a hooligan. No contract has been signed. Edward could change his mind at any moment and then where would we be?"

She pulled my hair harder and harder. I wanted to apologize but with the tone my mother used, I knew I should remain quiet and take it while she worked out her fury.

"Sometimes I wonder if I should call Jessica back here. She seemed to keep on you far better than I ever could."

"Edward wouldn't like that. He doesn't trust Jessica," I said quietly.

She pulled my head back harshly and forced my eyes to make contact with hers in the mirror.

"Then I suggest you stop acting like you were raised a lesser and begin behaving like a lady. Your father will speak to Edward this evening and we will see what we can do to begin your studies. If this marriage falls through, I will never forgive you."

She let go of me and continued to brush my hair while anger and sadness invaded my soul. I didn't want to cry so I chose to focus on the anger. I thought about Carlisle Cullen and wondered if I could request him to finish up the contract soon. Once that contract was given to my parents, I had no doubt they would sign it quickly. Once that contract was signed, I could move away from this house.

My mother left me to dress. I went slowly doing everything I could to make myself presentable for this date even if my heart wasn't in it. I heard the doorbell ring followed by my mother's shrill voice beckoning me down.

I looked into the mirror one last time and attempted to erase any dissatisfaction from my face. I had a show to put on after all. I plastered a fake smile onto my face and turned to leave my room. I walked slowly down the stairs to ensure I didn't embarrass myself further and fall. I can already hear my parents as they speak with Edward.

"It's just, we want to do everything we can to see that Bella is good enough and I fear any more time without the proper education could be detrimental…"

"Renee now is not the time," my father defended.

"You should have seen your daughter this afternoon. Her decorum would have turned your mustache gray. Don't you think Mr. Cullen deserves the very best…"

"Mrs. Swan. Mr. Swan. I assure you, you have nothing to worry about. My sister is moving into her new estate with Jasper Whitlock this weekend and she will soon be close to where we will live once you signed the contract. Alice has been educated since she was young, and I think Isabella has already learned a great deal from my sister. I'm sure Isabella will do just fine."

I stepped into view of our living room and Edward turns to greet me.

"Honey, are you ready to go?"

I smile. My great fake smile.

"Let me just grab my sweater."

I go toward the closet and pull out my white sweater.

"You look beautiful, Isabella," Edward said taking my hand. My parents watching us like we were a television dramedy.

"Thank you."

We make it out of the house with no more words from my parents. Edward helps me into the car and I sit staring out the window up at the moon.

Edward slides into his place and Seth, his driver takes off down our gravel road.

"What happened, Bella?" he asked softly.

I shook off my feelings and smile back at him.

"I'm excited about our date…"

"No, don't lie to me now. We are alone. Tell me what happened. I can tell when your smile isn't genuine."

I shook my head and my smile faded.

"Just having a hard day. It will be okay. I'm sure that dinner will perk me right back up. As I said, I promise I will play my role and I won't embarrass you. Even if I do lack my studies."

Edward sighed and ran his hand over his face.

"I didn't bring up your studies. Your mother did. I thought I did an adequate job deflecting. I know you will learn fast. Like I told your parents, Jasper and Alice are moving into an estate near where my grandfather's estate was. You will soon have the very best help you could have in your best friend. Please don't let your parents ruin our evening."

I nodded and returned to looking out my window.

"My mother is just scared. She thinks you will go back on your decision. She told me…" I stop and reminded myself that anger was a better option even if I was slowly losing the war. "…she would never forgive me if this didn't work out. And I can't tell her that this marriage is destined for failure and that someday…it won't work out and it won't matter the reason because she was the kind of person who said it was okay for Michael Newton to beat my sister. She's okay with her daughter to be abused as long as it keeps her in her station. What do you think she will do to me when our divorce finalizes?"

I keep my eyes trained out the window because I don't want Edward to witness my tears. But I feel him as he pulls me into him and allows me to cry onto his chest. I whisper an apology for my actions, but he quiets me with a hush while he rubs a comforting hand up and down my arm.

"I will never let anything happen to you, Bella. This is a promise I know I can keep."

I want to believe him, but I don't know if I can allow myself to do so. Edward and I could both be pretty stubborn, and it was only a matter of time before we both lost it with one another and it wouldn't take much to bring down our bridge of friendship.

"Seth, can you please drive towards the market?"

I pull back wondering what he is doing.

"What are you…"

"Trust me."

Edward pulls me back to lean against him while Seth drives on toward our new destination. I feel Edward's chin rest atop my head and as I begin to calm down, I feel silly for being in such an intimate position with him. I want to attempt to pull away once more, but hades be with me because I don't.

When we arrive at the store, Edward releases me and pops out of the car to carry a quick conversation with Seth. It wasn't proper for Edward to shop in the local market, so he sent Seth in with his list. I am beyond curious as to what we needed to make our stop for. I knew that the restaurant would hold our table. Edward stands outside of the car while I sit in anticipation.

Seth comes back to the car carrying two sacks with him. He places the sacks in the trunk and Edward enters the car.

"Okay… I know the restaurant will hold our reservation, but don't you think we should get going?" I asked.

Seth started up the car and begin to drive back towards our house instead of going on the highway towards town.

"We aren't going to the restaurant. I changed our plans. We are going on a picnic."

I pulled back my face full of confusion.

"But…I thought the whole point of this date was to let the public be aware of your intentions."

"We have plenty of time for intentions and protocol. I think that tonight we shouldn't be worried about what people think and focus on our own relationship."

I snorted. "Our relationship? We don't have a relationship. This is a fake…"

"Bella," he interrupted. "The union may be fabricated but our relationship is very much real. I know we haven't been close for years but I have come to realize that if we are going to make this work, we need to work on our relationship. We should be able to trust one another just as a married couple would. I want you to know that you can tell me anything. That I will do everything in my power to be completely transparent. People will believe us so much more if we have a strong friendship. Okay?"

I nodded my head to confirm. I wasn't sure if what he sought would work. Complete transparency? Did I want to know how many women he was planning on sleeping with or when? Couldn't he just take them through the backdoor and let me stay in a land of delusional fantasies where my husband loved me and would never cheat on me?

When the car stopped, I looked around but was unfamiliar with where we were. Edward stepped out of the car and took the sacks of food from Seth before coming around to my side where I stood looking around.

"You don't recognize this, do you?"

I shook my head. Edward took ahold of both sacks in one hand and then took my hand in the other. We began to walk off towards the woods. My feet struggling over the path as we went.

"Edward, just how far are we walking? I didn't bring the proper shoes for a hike. Plus, I still have Jacob to deal with in the morning. I wasn't looking forward to so many workouts in such a short period of time."

He laughed and threw back his head.

"You can handle a few more steps. Come on. We are nearly there. I can't believe you haven't figured it out. My ego might be bruised."

Ego?

The woods thinned, and I immediately understood where Edward had taken me. I hadn't been here in years.

"Edward." My mouth dropped open while I watch as the moon's reflection bounced off the pond behind the Cullen's estate.

"You do remember," he teased.

We walked over and sat down on the ground. Edward's poor planning didn't afford us a blanket, so he pulled off his coat and laid it down for me to perch upon. He began to go about pulling the contents out of the bag and putting together our meal. In one bag was plates and utensils and in the other was our food. A half a chicken and the makings for a decent sized salad.

"I can't believe you did this," I said.

"Make a salad? Yes, my culinary skills are quite divine."

I rolled my eyes. I knew he understood what I meant.

"So, I was wondering if you wanted to begin," Edward said focusing on putting our plates together.

"Begin?" I asked.

"Yes, you said some things yesterday. Some concerns you had in order for this to work. I would be lying if I didn't tell you that your words had me utterly confounded and worried about what you wanted to say."

I cringed. I was having such a lovely time. I didn't want to ruin it with this kind of conversation.

"Is it that bad?" Edward asked seeing my face.

I looked toward the pond and then back to him again.

"Well…I just don't want to fight."

"That makes two of us. I will do my best to not be combative. Okay?" he offered.

I nodded and then took a slow breath.

"Okay, so…there was a couple of points that worried me. I just wanted to know what you planned on doing so we could be on the same page. For starters…you mentioned that you…"

God, how was I going to make it through this conversation with my dignity intact?

"Bella, you can ask me anything. Just go ahead."

I was going to ask him how he planned on keeping his affairs private so the house staff would be none the wiser, but I decided that I didn't want to go there just yet. I moved on to a different concern. One that would surely make us both uncomfortable.

"Okay, um…well as you know there is a certain… a particular tradition. Um…well," I took a breath and shook my head before finishing, "what exactly are you planning to do about the confirmation ceremony? Not that your parents would push but, I mean… I need to know. Should I take care of it myself? Or should…"

I could see Edward tense up immediately. His hands stopped with putting together our salad and he pulled back to look at me.

"I haven't really thought that far ahead."

And just like that, we were both uncomfortable.

"My mother has the linen in our hope chest at home since I was a child. I could get it and figure something out."

"Figure something out?" He asked.

"Take matters into my own hands?" I cringed.

Edward closed his eyes before I could see it, but I saw it anyway. He was mad. I don't know if he was mad at me for bringing it up or for something else. This was a legitimate concern. He might not have thought this through, but my time afforded me the opportunity to think everything through.

"You don't have to do that, Bella. Besides…in order for it to work, we both need to have…something on the linen for it to hold up."

"Okay, so what should we do?" I asked.

I wasn't trying to push. I was trying to be a team player here. I was willing to desecrate my most precious gift in order to fulfill our duties. I always found the confirmation ceremony to be disturbing. My mother when I was a child embroidered a prayer along the edges of this special linen to be used on the night of my wedding. It was a tradition for the bride's parents to provide the special sheet to lay upon the bed so that my innocence may be captured upon it. Proof that I was a virgin. We would then wrap up the sheet and present it to the parents of my husband. If there was nothing on the sheet, a marriage could be instantly disbanded.

I didn't foresee Edward's parents' sticklers for the proof, but it was a tradition. If Edward had asked, I would respectfully lay upon the sheet and take my own virginity, so he could still have something to give his parents. But Edward was right. His fluids should be there too or else any person could lie like we were attempting to do.

Edward ran his hand over his face once again and sighed.

"Then…we'll…I will do it," he said struggling with the concept. Probably a little disgusted that he would ever have to touch me in that fashion.

"You don't have to. As I said, I can take care of it. A cucumber…"

"God, Bella would you hush up about that?" he huffed. "I don't want to hear you talk about cucumbers or any other object for that matter. I will have sex with you. I promise I will make it quick. Just long enough for me to cum and then we can hand over the damn sheet and be done with it."

I looked down. A part of me thrilled at the prospect of having sex especially with Edward but then another part of me worried about that impending moment. I imagined as Edward looked forward while he did his duty and closed his eyes in disgust attempting to picture someone more beautiful.

"I'm sorry. I didn't even discuss this with you. Are you going to feel violated if I take your virginity? If you don't want to, we can work around it. I know you are innocent. You don't know that most virgins never even bleed. Mostly it has been turned into a sham tradition because too many marriages were dissolved over the absence of blood. Now, the sheet is used to prove that the couple has consummated. There are plenty of ways we can get around this, but it would be cruel to expect you to remain a virgin. So, if you like, I can do it," he said solemnly.

I slowly nodded my head.

"I just didn't want to make you do that. I can wear a dress and remain fully covered. We can keep the lights off and turn up the sound on the stereo. I will do everything I can to not touch you. You can…picture whomever you like…"

Edward scoffed and pushed himself off the ground.

"What's the matter with you? Is your self-esteem really that poor that you think I wouldn't want to touch you?"

I didn't answer not understanding why he was so upset.

"Bella, for the record, I don't have a problem with having sex with you. I just feel like a bastard for being the man who will take your virginity away. It should be saved for someone far more deserving. Hell, if I was a better man, I would let you do what you will and let you take it with some foreign object, but the very idea is abhorrent to me. I don't want my friend to be alone mutilating her body on what should be the most important night of her life. I'm the reason you're in this mess. I can make love to you once and give you pleasure. It is the least I could do for what you are giving up."

I nodded afraid to say another word.

"Okay?" he wondered. "Now what else has your concern."

I shook my head. "Mostly that. We should probably eat before our salad gets cold…"

Edward sat back down and handed me my plate but before he released it, he waited for me to look at him.

"I'm not upset with you. So just go ahead and ask."

I bit my lip wondering if he could handle much more. Ask him about his sexual nature in hopes of getting him to keep his nocturnal practices lowkey? No, I don't think now is the time. But I knew he would push until he received some answer from me.

My phone vibrates in my purse. I let go of the plate he was offering and pull it out. There is a text message from Sam at the hospital.

Bree is being taken off support. Thought you might like to know if you wanted to be with her.

Sam would only have texted me if he knew that her parents wouldn't be there. I jumped up from my place on the ground.

"I'm sorry. I have to go. I'm sorry," I apologized.

"Bella, what is it?" Edward asked reaching out to grab my hand to stop me.

"You won't understand. I'm sorry. Please believe me that if it was anything else, I wouldn't be leaving right now."

"Bella, just tell me," he ordered.

"One of my kids is about to die and she has no one. I need to be with her. Please, Edward. Let me go."

Edward dropped my hand.

"Okay. But I'm coming with you."

He grabbed his coat and left our dinner by the banks of the pond. He took my hand and hurried back with me towards Seth and the car. I didn't know if this was a good idea. Edward may be going into the medical field, but I doubt he ever sat by the bed of someone that was taking their last breaths.

Children were the worst to sit with when they were about to die. I knew that after it was over I would be emotionally spent. I was glad my friend would be by my side when I needed him most.


	9. Chapter 9

CHAPTER NINE

Bree wasn't awake when I got there. It didn't look like she would wake again. This was the hard part. Most people thought that if a person wasn't coherent then there was no reason to stick around and hold the hand at the time there loved one needed them most. I am so incredibly angry because I understood that it was hard to watch your child die but that isn't what this felt like. I checked the logs and showed that Bree's mother only showed up for a couple of minutes the previous day. Her father not at all.

"God, I pray if I ever have children, they know they are loved every second of every day."

I squeezed Bree's hand and knelt toward the bed.

"Bree, it's Bella. I just want to tell you, don't be afraid. I am here with you and I'm not going anywhere. Soon you won't be in pain. I promise. I love you very much. Please don't be scared."

I feel Edward squeeze my shoulder and I nearly jump forgetting that he was in the room with me. He hadn't said a word since we arrived.

"I'm going to find my father and see if there is anything more that can be done."

I appreciated the gesture, but Edward lived in a world where he believed that any sum of money could bring back a person from death. Bree's parents were wealthy enough that they would have done that if meant saving their child. No one from established money would ever want a sickly child. People might believe it was the parents' genes to cause the defect and that just couldn't be acceptable.

A half-hour later Edward walked back in with his father following right behind him.

"Isabella," Carlisle said greeting me warmly.

"Mr. Cullen," I replied keeping up with the proper decorum.

He walked over and picked up Bree's chart and then looked over her stats. I might not hold a medical degree but even I knew they were bad. Edward waited close by in anticipation for his father to deliver some miracle.

"I'm sorry, son. There isn't anything more that can be done. I'm surprised that she has lived as long as she has. Her organs are failing. It is only a matter of time."

"That's crap. You're the head of the hospital. This girl is only five years of age. Can't you do anything? What if it were me or Alice? You're telling me there isn't anything you would do?"

Carlisle sighed and set the chart back down.

"You should know by now that sometimes, we can't fix everything. Isabella is doing more than we can at this point. Comforting her and being here is what she needs right now."

Carlisle's pager went off and he checked it before telling us that he had to go and attend to an emergency case. I knew he would never be able to fix Bree. Carlisle wasn't being rude or uncaring. He was just educated enough to know a lost cause when he saw it.

I see Edward upset by his father's words and it wasn't for him to sit here waiting for Bree to take her final breath.

"Why don't you go on home. This could take a few hours and I'm used to it."

Edward pulled back and looked even more upset.

"Used to it? I don't know if I like you being used to it. You shouldn't be here. A lady shouldn't have to witness this."

I laughed.

"I think we all can agree that I'm not much of a lady," I said. "Edward, please just go. This is my job and I'm okay with it. No one should have to die alone."

"I don't want you to be okay with it and you are a lady. You're my fiancé and I don't think I want you working here anymore."

I stood up and pushed Edward out of the room and into the hallway. I wasn't about to let Bree's final moments to bear witness to one of Edward's and my wars.

"Edward, don't you dare take this away from me. I know it is a joke to most since I don't receive any money for my work, but I believe in what I am doing. I can help people even if I don't have a fancy degree. I pray you never have to know what it is like to be alone on your deathbed. To believe that not one person cares enough to be with you at the scariest moment of your life. So please, don't tell me that you are going to make me give this up. I will never forgive you if you don't let me sit here by that little girl's side and whisper into her ear, so she doesn't think she is alone. Her parents have long abandoned her and I'm not going to let you make me abandon her too."

I stared up at him with my most stubborn face. If he could read me so well, I wanted to be sure that he understood he would not win this war. I see his anger slowly fade as he gives off one last discontented breath.

"Fine. Go. But I am staying with you."

I sighed. "You don't have to. I know you aren't used to this. Please just go…"

"Bella, either I stay with you or we both go home," he cut me off.

I turned and rolled my eyes. Edward may have been pre-med, but he was about to get his first lesson in the field he had chosen. I sat back down by Bree's bed and Edward took a seat behind me. We didn't talk to one another. A couple of times, I wanted to turn around and see if he had fallen asleep, but I didn't for fear it might begin another argument.

Bree didn't surrender until the dawn hours. When it happened, Edward stood beside me and watched as she took her final breath and the machines indicated that she had no more heart rhythm.

"Go find your fairytale, princess," I said softly. My tears dripping down my face and landing on her hand as I gave it one last squeeze. I stood up and Edward took my hand pulling me into a strong hug. When he let me go, I quickly wiped my face and walked out of the room with Edward following behind.

By the time I made it home, Jacob was already there waiting for me.

"Bella, I will cancel Jacob. You should go and get some rest."

"No, he's already here. I can do a quick workout and then go to bed."

"Absolutely not! He can come back later. You need your sleep. You wanted to stay at the hospital, fine. But you are not going to exhaust yourself into another sickness. Go to bed. I will deal with Jacob."

I didn't want to argue with him. Mainly because he just spent a whole night not sleeping and I had a feeling that no sleep Edward and Bella just might kill each other if we were to argue with one another in our state of exhaustion.

"Bella are you ready to rumble?" Jacob danced around when I got out of the car.

"Not this morning, Jacob. My apologies but we had a long night and Isabella needs her rest. Why don't you come by later this evening say around four p.m.?" Edward said.

"Yeah sure thing, Mr. Cullen."

Jacob pranced back to his jeep in his tight spandex shorts and jumped in to take off giving me a wave before he left. I shook my head and smiled before turning to walk into the house. Edward had called my parents to inform them of our evening change of plans. I was glad he volunteered to do so because I didn't want to have to deal with my mother and hearing her disappointment in me to allow a dying child to ruin our date.

I turned back to Edward when I reached the top step.

"Thank you. You didn't have to stay but it was nice to not be alone for that one. It nearly always kills me when it is a child involved."

Edward nodded and leaned over to kiss me on the forehead.

"I don't like you being around all that death but I'm thankful to live in a world where someone could care about a stranger the way you do. Why don't I go in and smooth things over with your parents?"

I scrunched my nose.

"You lied to me, didn't you? In the hospital when I asked how my parents took it. You said that they were just happy you were with me."

Edward looked around trying to avoid my accusation.

"Let's just say, I will be happy when the negotiations are over, and we can move into the estate and the only person you will ever have to answer to will be me," he teased.

I rolled my eyes and jabbed him in the stomach. He laughed and continued to follow me into the house. My parents were sitting down at the breakfast table. Our newest maid attending to their needs. I hadn't met her yet.

"Mr. and Mrs. Swan, as I promised, I have brought your daughter back in one piece. Sorry about the change of plans last night."

My parents stood up from the table and my father shook Edward's hand while my mother gave him a gentle squeeze.

"No problem, Mr. Cullen. We know you are honorable. Would you care for some breakfast?" my father asked.

"Oh, I wish I could, but I am truly exhausted. Another time. I hope you will let Isabella sleep and relax for the rest of the day. I will come and check in on her later if that is okay."

My parents nodded like some cheap bobble toy and Edward turned to me ready to put on a show. He leaned down and kissed me on the lips and once again on the forehead.

"Now, go to bed. I mean it, Isabella."

I nodded and promised to do so before Edward went to take his leave. The door closed, and I turned back to see if my mother had any additional words before I made good on my promise. I should have just continued walking to the steps, but I just had to know.

"Bella. What is the meaning of all this? Last night was supposed to mean something. When Edward Cullen wants to take you out to establish his intentions publicly, nothing should get in the way of that happening. This courtship isn't real until it has been made public. You are walking a very fine line."

"Mother, it is a done deal. Carlisle already drafted the first negotiation contract which I am sure you will receive any day now. Perhaps once that damned paper is in your hand you will leave me be."

My mother came around the table with her finger waving in my face.

"Don't you take that tone with me. You are still below me and I will not allow your disrespect."

"Renee," my father attempted.

"That is where you are wrong, mother. Carlisle has already taken responsibility for me. Told me himself. I am no longer a Swan but now a Cullen. Now you better back off or my fiancé will be most upset if he hears you kept me from his mandated nap."

The one time where it paid for Edward's bossiness to come in handy. But I knew you couldn't have your cake and eat it too. Somehow karma would bite me in the rear. I couldn't act like Jessica and not pay the price for it.

I walked into my room and instantly know something is off. It's too clean. Not saying I was a slob, but everything was in its place and no clothes were on my chair. I frantically run towards my dresser and open the drawers and they are completely empty. I run toward my closet and only a few items remain. Even my clothes hamper has been emptied out.

I run back down the stairs screaming for my mother.

"What did you do with all my clothes?"

I see my father has left. Probably not wanting to be around the women of the house at this time. My mother slowly looked up from her teacup with an innocent face.

"Your fiancé can afford to buy you more. I was only helping. It isn't right for Edward to see you in tattered oversized shirts and dirty old jeans. It is about time to start dressing respectfully. Edward may have been okay with that obnoxious outfit yesterday morning, but I am going to do whatever I can to see you not make a fool of this family."

"Fool? You just threw out all my workout clothes. How am I to train with Jacob this afternoon?"

At this rate, it was looking very likely that I would break my promise to Edward.

"Go online and order something. That's what your expense account is for. And don't you dare order any more of those…cotton oversized shirts or I will throw those out too!"

I huffed loudly at her and whirled around grabbing my purse with my phone. I stomped out of the house with my mother yelling at me to come back and took off running down the gravel path towards town. I knew I shouldn't go into town unaccompanied. It wasn't proper to shop in town like a lesser. I was supposed to order my needs online and then they would be delivered within the hour. So, ask me why I was so determined to break protocol. Call it exhaustion. Call it a tantrum. Just don't call Edward.

The sun was making the walk unbearable. I was sweating through my nice clothes since I hadn't even changed from the date clothes. My shoes were the worst of it all. My fiery little attitude made horrible judgment calls when it came to leaving without thinking of how it would hurt my feet to walk about in these fancy shoes.

My phone vibrated in my purse and I stopped to take a breath under a tree and see if it was my mother threatening me or worse, someone else. Thankfully it was Alice. She was excited because her Jasper was finally here and ready to move into their new estate. She asked me if I would come over and meet him.

Sorry, I wish I could, but I am on Heatherby Road, sweating disgustingly attempting to make it into town since my mother threw out all my clothes.

I wiped my brow and took a breather under the shadows of the tree.

Please tell me you're joking. Why wouldn't you order them? You're not trying to make it to town on foot?

I sighed and tempted to turn off my phone, but I knew it would only be a matter of time before she called Edward if I didn't respond. My phone lights up with a call from Alice so I press the button and wait for her wrath.

"I'm in the car on my way to my new home. Please stay there. I will pick you up and we can spend the rest of the afternoon ordering your clothes together."

I wanted to make a point, but I felt stupid for continuing with my stubborn nature. Plus, my feet were wrecked.

"Okay."

"Thank you. Glad I didn't have to call someone to talk some sense into you. My brother would go ballistic if he knew you were going to town unescorted."

Her brother would go ballistic if he knew I wasn't making good on my promise to sleep. She hung up and I waited by the side of the road until her fancy car came to pick me up. I was thoroughly embarrassed to see her intended sitting in the car with her when she arrived. This was not how I pictured meeting a Whitlock.

I could see why Alice was smitten with Jasper. He was far more attractive than gossip had led me to believe. I had never seen the Whitlocks since I was never allowed access to Kenzie Court. His kind didn't fraternize with granted money. Jasper was tall and lean but with full broad shoulders. He looked like he could make Alice disappear just by standing in front of her. He had a kind smile which I was surprised to see when he stepped foot out of the car.

Like a true southern gentleman, when he took my hand to greet me he used the word, 'miss.'

"You must be Isabella Swan. I hear we are to be family soon. It is a pleasure to make your acquaintance, my lady."

I blushed something awful. I knew if my mother could see me interacting with a Whitlock looking as horrid as I must, she would smack me into next month.

"It's a pleasure to meet you, sir. Thank you for offering your car for a ride. I, unfortunately, had a combative morning."

Jasper helped me into the car and Alice squeals excitedly while Jasper went around the car and got in on the opposite side.

"Bella, you will just love this estate that the Whitlocks purchased for us. Ten acres of land and ten bedrooms with ten toilets. I would request another two be made available, but I like the number theme," Alice boasted.

"Maybe you could call the estate, Ten. I know it is customary for a couple to name a house when they inhabit it," I joked.

"Ten. I kind of like that. It's unusual and not at all like the presumptuous names you hear these days. Fortified Springs Manor?" she snorted. "There isn't even one drop of water anywhere on that property that hasn't been brought in. Leave it to a Mallory to come up with a name like that."

"Now honey," Jasper warned.

"Jasper, I am not being petty. Just you wait to meet them. You'll see that I speak true. Tell him, Bella or my fiancé will think he is marrying lowly."

Alice put me in a hard place. It wasn't right for someone of my station to speak negatively about someone higher than me. Sure, she was right, but it would do little to help Jasper's impression of me if I were to go against the practice and tell him how horrible that family was.

"I can't wait to see the house. Edward told me that your grandfather's estate is close by. I am so happy to know we won't have to see each other less due to distance," I said attempting to change direction. "Have you two decided where to have your reception?"

The reception came before the wedding and it was common practice to invite nearly everyone from both established and granted money. It was the only reason I had been able to join in at past events. First came the Blessing Celebration which was held usually down in one of the finer gardens near the diamond courts. Alice and Jasper's Blessing Celebration was set for a week from Saturday.

"Since Jasper's family lives so far away we were having a difficult time deciding where it would be best. Thankfully, they don't mind the travel and since you will soon move out with my brother to my grandfather's estate, my parents have agreed to have the reception at our home since we have freed up so many rooms with our departure."

I was both excited and nervous to be moving into a house with Edward. Excited that I would be away from my parents and nervous because I feared what would happen the first time Edward had a special guest over to spend the night.

The car turned down the long drive and already I fell in love with Alice's new home. The trees that lined the way welcomed us with their shade and towards the end was a large white house like you might find down in the southern region of the country. I'm sure this is why the Whitlock's approved of their son moving out in our direction instead of demanding Alice go down south.

"Come on. I will show you a place where you can get cleaned up and then we go shopping," Alice said bouncing out of the car.

Alice and Jasper had only just begun to move into their new residence. It would take weeks until the place was up to the standard of this royal union. I say royal because Jasper's family was like the Cullens. On top of the food chain. The Whitlocks were known for their military presence. Any issue foreign or domestic would bring in the Whitlock family and their expertise.

Alice's new home was as gorgeous as the one she grew up in. For her, it wasn't anything she wasn't already used to but for me, I felt as if I would never get over the feeling of being overwhelmed with the high ceilings and crystal chandeliers. The plush carpets and perfectly polished floors. To think I would be moving into a house like this any day now. No matter how long Edward and my marriage lasted, I don't know if I would get used to living in these high-priced conditions.

I washed up and Alice had her new maid launder my clothes while I bathed. I sat in a warm towel while the clothes finished drying. I couldn't remember a time I felt more exhausted. Not having slept and then my impromptu walk, it was a miracle I didn't drown in my bath. Even now I was having a hard time staying awake while I waited.

Alice thankfully kept me from sleep when she walked in with her laptop open and ready to begin my shopping expedition. She already had a horde of clothing that she reserved in my size. She went through all my color options and tried not to give me too many looks when I kept requesting darker fabrics. She kept going on about how certain lines are more flattering than just dark colors.

With my clothes freshly laundered and a truckload of parcels on their way to my home thanks to Edward's expense account, I said my farewells knowing Jacob would be at my house any minute and I still needed to change. I would sleep after the workout giving myself the motivation I needed.

My mother was nowhere in sight when I arrived home and Mrs. Cope was already carrying all my boxes up to my room and placing the clothes away in the closet. I grabbed my new workout gear. No, I didn't go for the spandex like so many apparently loved to wear to exercise. I went the route of sweatpants which was one step below the Yoga pants that Alice tried to get me to order. Sweatpants, my rebellious nature wanting to go against my mother.

I ordered some new workout shoes as well. I have to say even though I was upset with my mother for throwing out my clothes, I was certainly loving the feel of these new ones.

"Bella! You look like a charm. I love the new clothes," Jacob said when I bounced down the steps to meet with him.

"Thank you."

He smacks his hands together, "You ready to get running? Take those shoes out for a spin?"

I nodded. My stomach growled, and it was then that I realized I hadn't eaten very much. With our dinner left on the banks of the pond, Edward tracked down some cheap hospital food for dinner. However, since then, I hadn't eaten a thing. Okay, so eat and then bed after Jacob.

Jacob started up his engine and began to chase after me. It had become customary for us to run for a minute then walk for a minute and repeat for a half hour. We only did this every other day. My stomach gnawing at me the whole way. Oh well, at least I would lose more weight this week.

Around twenty minutes, I was really feeling the fatigue. I hated that my morning was stolen from sleeping. I didn't know if I was going to make it the full hour of workout today.

"Hey, do you need to stop?" Jacob asked rubbing his hand on my back.

"Just for a minute. I think I'm just tired is all."

We pulled over to the side of the dirt road and I leaned against the tree wiping the sweat from my forehead. I pulled up my water container and drank the entire thing.

"I am so proud of you Bella. The past couple of weeks I have really admired your dedication. I know how hard this has been. You probably feel like you are all alone on this journey and in some ways you are but please know that I see your hard work and appreciate it."

"Thank you, Jacob," I replied sincerely. "It's hard because…I feel like I have so many people counting on me to lose this weight when I know I should want to lose it for me. Edward used to be overweight so he kind of knows how it feels but not really."

Jacob squatted down and sat on a rock taking a drink from his bottle. He looked around and then back to me.

"Well…I kind of made it my mission to help as many people as I could with this issue. My mother was grossly overweight and in the end, her heart gave out on her for it. I dedicated my life to be healthy and to help others see that they can be healthy too."

He took his bottle and squirted it at me and I screamed as the ice water drenched me on my face and chest.

"Now, come on. Enough rest!"

I pulled myself up and began jogging once more with Jacob running behind me on my heels that he would step on my toes if I didn't go faster. Go faster, Bella. Go faster, I repeated in my mind while Jacob yelled from behind. Go faster, Bella. Go…

I didn't even feel the ground when I fell. The first thing I felt when I came to was Jacob fanning me with a leaf that wasn't doing a damn bit of good. My head hurts, and I can hear him say my name over and over.

Suddenly, there are two voices.

"What happened?"

"I don't know. She was a little tired, but we weren't even going full force."

"Carlisle?" I mumbled when I finally figured out he was the second voice.

"Stay put. Give yourself a minute before trying to get up."

I hear him say something to Jacob, but my head is gone. I slowly open my eyes and see the light of the sky as the sun begins to retire. I wipe my head and feel the dirt that is all over my body. Pushing myself to sit up, Jacob quickly moves to help.

"Edward is on his way. I have my bag in the car. I will check you over," Carlisle said.

"No, I'm fine. I think I just tripped. Call back Edward and let him know that he needn't come. I'll be okay. I knew that Edward would think something was fishy when he arrived and assessed me. Damn mind reader would see it all over my face.

"Bella, it's okay. Edward would want to be here for this," Carlisle said before jogging back towards where he left his car.

I felt ill just thinking of the gumption I would need to take on this kind of argument with Edward. No doubt he would say many condescending things to me until it caused my blood to boil and I would pop my top. I was not looking forward to this at all.

I try to pull myself up from the ground. No need to make the argument worse by laying on the side of the road like some animal hit by a passing car. I see my legs are pretty skinned up and my whole body is covered with the reddish-brown dirt. I try and brush it off as I go to stand and Jacob jumps to.

"Wait, shouldn't we wait for the good doc to get back here and look you over first?"

"I'm fine. I probably just tripped is all." I try and shrug off Jacob's hands as he holds onto me probably fearing I would drop again but he doesn't relent. He keeps a hold of me while we walk the dirt path back towards my house. It's not far. I could probably make it before Edward arrived.

"Tripped? No, I've seen how a person falls when they trip. Their arms attempt to break their fall but you just poofed! I swear! I have never been so scared in my life. I thought you had a heart attack or stroke and dropped dead. I don't know what I would do with myself if that happened. It would devastate me. You become such a dear friend. I don't want anything to happen to you, Bella."

I see the sincerity in Jacobs's eyes and it throws me. I stop walking surprised because I must have really scared him with my fall for him to confess such intriguing feelings. His eyes look like a puppy dog who was just told, 'bad dog.' I turn and gently squeeze his hands and give him a soft reassuring smile.

"Thank you, Jacob. I really appreciate your sentiments. I have to say that you have really surprised me. To be honest, I was upset on more than one occasion with the very idea of you. I began because I wanted to do this for Alice. You have really been a hopeful beacon for me during this time."

Jacob pulled me in for a hug, but it was brief as we were quickly interrupted.

"Bella?"

Crap. Time to face the music.

I pull back and see Edward with a look of confusion and dressed to impress. I wondered why he would be so fancy at this time in the day.

"Hey," I sheepishly reply.

"My father said that you fainted? What happened? You look a mess?"

"I just tripped is all," I waved him off.

He quickly came over and tried to take over where Jacob was helping.

"Is this true?" Edward asked Jacob.

Jacob looked a little fearful of what answer he should present. He stuttered about until he replied that he wasn't sure since he was at a weird angle.

"Edward, would you let go of me. You will mess your pretty clothes. I will be fine. There is nothing wrong with me."

Edward stopped and moved to stand in front of me. He looked deep into my eyes and squinted attempting to read what I wasn't saying.

"Let's get you inside. I want my father to check you over and then…I want to speak to your parents. You may go, Jacob. I will call you if we need your services."

Edward's took a hold of my arm firmly and pulled me toward the house while I looked back at Jacob who seemed to be nervous by Edward's tone. I wondered what he wanted to speak to my parents for. Would my mother tell him about our argument? It would make her look about as bad as me. What exactly could Edward do even if he were to discover that I hadn't kept my promise? Bore me with some idle threats? Nothing had been signed just yet. God almighty, Carlisle hadn't even presented a contract as of yet.

We approached the house and Carlisle stood beside the porch waiting with his black bag and a folder in his hand.

"Is that it?" Edward asked him.

"Yes, I called the authorities and requested they let Mr. Swan come home early to help attend to his daughter's ailments. I had the maid track down Isabella's mother and she will be coming shortly. Everything is ready for them to sign."

My eyes widened, and I looked up to Edward stopping.

"What's ready?" I asked Edward.

"Your contract. Your parents need only to sign and then you will officially belong to me."


	10. Chapter 10

CHAPTER TEN

My bedroom had never been so crowded before. My eyes focused on the white walls and tuned out everything that was being said as I tried to breathe in and breathe out. This is what you wanted, Bella. You wanted Edward's father to finish up the contract, so you could move out of this house. Stop pouting and wake up!

"Bella," Carlisle shakes me to get my attention.

"What?" I asked awakening back up to the conversation.

"I asked what you had to eat today."

My mother and father are near the door while Edward sits on my bed holding my hand to keep up with appearances. My eyes wander about while my mind attempts to discard Edward's comment from outside.

You will officially belong to me.

Edward snaps his fingers in front of my face and I forget my anger for a couple of seconds.

"Isabella, what is the matter with you? Did you hit your head? Should we go to the hospital? Father, perhaps she needs further tests," Edward said.

"No," I quickly interjected. "I don't need tests and I didn't hit my head. My apologies, I am just a little out it. What was the question again?"

I look over to Carlisle to get away from Edward questioning gaze. Carlisle looks over toward Edward and then proceeds to remove his blood pressure cuff.

"What did you eat today?"

I sighed. I didn't know if I would be able to get away with a lie for this one.

"Um...I didn't. That is what must have made me faint. It was silly, but I had a lot going on with Bree last night. I guess I just forgot. Plus, Jacob constantly tells me that I should experience hunger every day so…I was merely following orders."

Edward jumps off the bed in anger.

"That is ridiculous. Who does this Jacob Black think he is if he believes that you should starve yourself. I swear when I get ahold of that jerk, I'm going to teach him a thing or two."

I suddenly wondered if my evasion would cause Edward to cancel Jacob Black. I didn't want that to happen, so I quickly jumped up from the bed.

"No, it isn't Jacob's fault…entirely. I may have not done as you requested today. I haven't had a chance to sleep and so that was probably it more than anything. Please don't blame Jacob for my error."

I see Edward's eyes widen at my confession. His anger has turned from Jacob to me. That's a good thing, right? Silence comes over the room and I can see my mother try and step back behind my father since she knows that she is the cause.

"Can you please give us a minute?" Edward requested never taking his eyes off mine. I stand my ground and wait because I know that the minute every person is out of my small room, it will feel even smaller when mine and Edward's ego begin to war.

The door closes, and I wait for him to begin.

"You promised!"

"I know and believe me I wish I could have kept that promise to you but sometimes things aren't that simple. You walk out that door and do you think that I magically float on a cloud up to my room and am left in perfect silence while the Sandman dusts his magic over my eyes?"

I shake my head and walk back towards the window to get some distance.

"I wasn't trying to go against your wishes, Edward. Things just happen."

"What happened then?" Edward argued.

I flipped around ready to tell him but then caught myself. If I told him of the fight with my mother, he could possibly take her side. I should have just done what she requested and began to order my clothes online rather than trying to hike into town, a place I shouldn't go unless accompanied. Then I would have to tell him about Alice and Jasper."

"God, you are the worst liar!" he yelled throwing his hands up and slapping them back down to his sides.

"I haven't even said a word," I defended.

"You were searching. That is why I can always tell you are lying or about to lie. You can't just come up with something. You've always been a thinker. Attempt to think everything out before you speak. When you lie, you just go with the first thing that pops into your head and then defend it to the death."

I scoffed and flopped onto my bed folding my arms across my chest.

"You sound like you speak from experience."

"Don't try and change the direction of this conversation. You tell me right now what happened this afternoon or I promise our marriage will feel worse than a nightmare. I am getting so incredibly tired of having to pull information out of you!"

I shook my head in disbelief that this was my life and laid down on the bed. I was covered in dirt on top of a crisp white comforter. Poor Mrs. Cope. Edward sat down beside me waiting for the answer he needed to hear.

"My mother and I got into a fight. She threw out my clothes to get back at me for derailing our date. I don't know how much more I can take from her. When she first learned that we were together she treated me better than she ever had but I believe that she saw a glimpse of what her life could look like if I were to marry you and now she is doing everything she can to grasp on and never let it go."

I closed my eyes and mouth tightly. My eyes to keep any wayward tears at bay and my mouth to keep me from saying something that might endanger my place.

"It would have been easier to be turned out and made a gutter baby. In the end…"

"In the end, what?" he snapped. "Gutter baby would be better than marriage to me? Am I that repulsive of a choice to you?"

Yes, I should have kept my mouth shut.

"Edward, can't you see? This choice to marry you isn't just about you!" I yelled getting up from the bed. "In a perfect world, you would ask, and I would have accepted and the people around us would be happy for us because they believed we would live happily ever after. I wouldn't have to worry about parents' expectations and live with their disappointments when we end our union. I wouldn't have to fear that our house staff would catch a glimpse of all the attractive girls coming and going from your quarters and wonder what they must think of me. Marrying you will give me a rise in station. A ticket to the top to buy pretty things and ensure my sister never ruins another day but I don't receive any of that without paying a price. A high price. I will marry a Cullen and never get to know what it is like to be loved. Just another person who will look at me and never see me."

There is a reason I shut my lips tight and refrain from saying what I want. Once my mouth is given permission to speak, I cannot seem to turn off my tongue while it spits out every word before my brain is given a chance to process and stop me from saying more than I should.

I sniffle and try to reel all my feelings back in now that I am aware of what I have done. What I have said. Far too much by the look on Edward's face. He continues to stare at my face, but I am not sure that there is even a soul left in there to register what he should do next.

Silence.

And then he collapses down to my bed and puts his head in his hands. I think I hear him say something, but his voice is so faint, I can't be sure. Like he is having a conversation with himself. I feel better knowing I am not the only person who should be carted off to the white ward.

Edward picks himself back up and suddenly it seems as if the conversation he had with himself has helped him. He looks back at me resolved. Edward begins with shaking his head.

"Unfortunately for you, the decision to marry is between me and your parents. You may wish that you never agreed to what I had to offer but it is too late now. We will be married. More so now than ever do I believe that you can't be trusted to do what is best. If you will excuse me, I need to have a word with your parents."

He swept from the room, my words somehow fueling him to hurry. What just happened? I feel my chest ache. I was open and honest, too much so and now he seemed even angrier than ever before. I try and remember what I said to him that would cause him to leave with a harsh sentiment. I want to collapse to my bed but instead, I rush on after him. What was he planning to say to my parents? What was his next plan of action?

I nearly fall down the last two steps in my hurry to get to the living room where Edward and his father stand to present their contract to my parents.

"…I believe we were more than fair with our offering. This amount of funds will secure your family and their name until your departure from this world as I understand you have no one to carry on the Swan name. This rise in station will assure that you will have little to worry about so I suggest you don't take too long and sign this paper before I go or I will back down on the whole deal and Isabella will be yours to deal with quite possibly for the rest of her natural life."

My mouth drops open upon hearing Edward's harsh words. I see my presence has caught Carlisle's eye and he looks towards me but says nothing against his son's tone.

"Mr. Cullen. I appreciate your offer, but I should at the very least take the time to read the contract fully," my father begins.

"Read the contract fully? Did you not hear Mr. Cullen? He will pull the offer without a quick resolution. Sign the paper, Charles. For Bella's sake. Sign it."

For Bella's sake?

My father's sadden eyes look to mine and I am left speechless a little too late it seems. I see him mouth my name questioning me what he should do but my mother is pushing him and saying threatening words into his ear.

"Mr. Cullen, after today's events it is apparent to me that Isabella needs someone who can look after her. My marriage to her will do just that. I will see that she is brought up properly and given everything she could ever need. I know that you may think I am being assertive in my demands, but it is only because I know that I am the only person who can give your daughter what she requires. You look to her for her acceptance but she is not in the best frame of mind to give that to you. She has gone without sleep and food and this is unacceptable. Sign the contract and I will move Isabella to our new home tonight and the very first thing I will do when she is mine is see that her needs are met, physically and mentally. Please do what is best for Isabella."

He wants me to move in with him tonight? My mouth moves to open but I am stricken hoarse and cannot tell my father to stop. I don't want to marry Edward Cullen if this is what Edward Cullen has become.

My father looks down at the contract and flips to the last page. He doesn't look at me any longer. He places his pen on the line and scribbles out his name and I no longer wonder why he would ever agree to sign my sister's contract. If this is how it was done, the world I lived in suddenly makes sense. I feel saddened for my sister. We were no more than an asset able to trade away for a better life. A woman's price to pay for being unable to carry on the family name.

Edward leans down and places his hand on the contract and picks up the pen and signs it quickly. I think about the boy I once knew. His smile as he chased after me while we ran through the trees. The moment he gathered the courage to kiss me in the garden and the look on his face when we both stopped and pulled back to look at one another. The man before me was gorgeous. Beautiful and perfect in every way and yet that was only the outside. What happened to the inside?

"Gather your things. We'll come back for the rest later," Edward said passing by me with his signed shackles grasped firmly in his hand.

Carlisle pulled out a few pages from his leather folder and handed it to my father stating it was a copy. I stood there in the living room unable to fall to pieces since my mind had officially been stolen from me.

"Come on, Isabella," Carlisle said gently placing his arm around me and showing me out the house I had lived in since I could remember. Edward was already in the car while Seth waited by my door ready to close it behind me the moment I entered. Carlisle walked me down the steps and attempted to tell me that everything would be okay, but I couldn't hear his kind affirmations.

I sat down in the car and Seth closed the door and instead of looking back at the house, I continued to stare straight ahead. Lost in my own mind of silly childhood wishes and dreams that would never come true, I didn't even register if Edward was looking at me. For a brief second, I let my eyes wander toward his direction and see he is staring out the window. I look towards his lap and see my contract crinkled in his tight hand.

The car slows to a stop after fifteen minutes of driving and I see the tall black gates up ahead slowly opening. I should be present and take in this moment. This is your new home, Bella. Shouldn't you be proud and excited? It was either this or the gutter. But, I don't find happiness in the beautiful building lite up with its countless windows. The kind of mansion that would be the most respected structure just with the sheer beauty, size, and magnificence. The fountains flow as the car drives up to the large round circle drive in front and Seth parks the car long enough to open our doors and let us depart before he drives on towards the garage out behind our new home.

Edward still hasn't looked at me. He walks to the front door and enters without even unlocking the door. I follow along but briefly wonder if I should make one last stand and attempt to run but forgo that thinking and follow him in.

Inside is even more amazing than out. The Imperial staircases are the first to be seen. Large and grand, they certainly make a statement. White marble stairs with wrought iron stair railings. A brush gold chandelier to large to even begin to count the number of lights that hung upon it cascaded its bright glow throughout the room.

There are about ten pedestals around the perimeter of the room and each has a matching vase sit on top. Like a little army of expensive knickknacks laid out for all to see the wonderful power and money, the Cullen empire had to offer the world. Edward walks toward the right staircase and mumbles something about showing me to my quarters and I break. No, I literally broke. My hand brushes over one of the solider vases and I flick it till it falls off its pedestal and crashes to the floor. Edward whirled around shocked by my actions.

"I guess if you break it, you buy it. Don't worry, my fiancé can pick up the cost," I said apathetically.

Edward is mixed with shock and anger. He searches for the first thing to say and I brace myself because I wager that by the time this conversation is over, there will be far more broken than just the silly expensive knickknack.

"What is the matter with you!" he shouted.

He stomps in my direction, but I hold my place firmly. I am done feeling shocked and hurt. Now I want answers for how I am expected to live as property for the next however many years playing this role I was forced into.

"Our contract is signed. You can't go back on your word now. Divorce is your only option and since I am sure Carlisle saw to it that you kept your promise of an amicable separation, I will get everything even if you don't fancy my attitude."

"Bella, I don't understand where this hostility is coming from. You should thank me for what I have done."

"Thank you?" I snapped. "Thank you for treating me like I am nothing more than some object you can just toss in the closet with all your other useless crap. I pour my heart out to you and trust you and you turn around and harass my father into signing something without giving him the respect to at least read it. You have no respect for my father. You have no respect…"

"Of course, I don't have respect for your father!" he yelled. "I wanted to prove something to you and my father, that the Swans would sign away any paper we pushed in front of their faces no matter what it said. I could have put that the moment they signed, I could shove you into a closet and allowed you to be fed by a lesser three times a day and they would have signed it. Your mother pecking at your father's side to sign. I blame them both because you better believe that if it were my child, I wouldn't care what the offer was, I would never sign away my child without seeing to their best interests."

He walked toward me and lowered his voice.

"I did what I had to. You were drowning in that house. You say I didn't listen to you pour out your heart but that is exactly what I heard. Now you have power, Bella. For the first time in your life, your mother will answer to you. Your sister will never say another word against you for fear of what it will do to her station. You can hate me for any word I said that you didn't agree to but look around, Bella! I gave you this. I gave you more freedom than you have ever had before. You're welcome."

I stand there silent because I don't understand what just happened. Did I really want to believe that Edward was only playing a role back at my house? I am getting confused with the role he is playing. When is he real and what is fake? I see his face is angered but quite possibly more hurt. I can't tell anymore. It is like he is a stranger to me.

"You seemed so angry…" I whispered.

"I am angry."

"With me? Because I just didn't go along not knowing your hidden agendas. I thought you didn't care about me and that this was solely about your inheritance. You were so desperate to get your inheritance."

"You think me so shallow. When was the last time I spoke of my inheritance? Yes, I care about it but you were my best friend. Could you possibly try and wrap your head around that I do care about you and tonight I have ensured that my best friend will live the life she deserves. Now go to bed Bella. If you aren't cognizant when you are fully awake I can't imagine how much worse you must be when you haven't slept. Go to bed."

My eyes slowly go towards the right staircase and my feet begin to walk up the grand staircase leaving Edward behind to stand with his eyes staring at nothing in the middle of the entry room. I get to the top and go through the door. I stop and stand with my back against the shut door and I hear loud angry growl followed by the shattering of glass.

Every harsh word Edward said tonight was a performance. He cared about me. He rescued me. I turn around and go back out through the door and stand at the top of the stairs and Edward is nowhere in sight. I see another glass soldier overpriced knickknack lying on the floor fallen like its brother. This must have been what Edward broke.

My feet travel down the stairs and attempt to go and find Edward. I have never stepped foot in this house and I wonder what miracle it will take for me to find him. Every room bigger than the last but I don't have the time to waste to appreciate them now.

My feet skid to a stop when I see Edward standing in the saloon with a large drink in his hand. His eyes turn to mine and I already see his anger brewing once more.

"Bella! I told you to go to bed!"

I walk over to him without thinking and throw my arms around him and he manages to catch me and not even waver though I'm sure my weight has punished his arms.

"Thank you," I whispered. "Thank you."

He holds me and tightens his grip for a few meaningful seconds before releasing me.

"Go to bed, Bella," he whispers.

I nod and do as I am told. Slowly backing out of the room. I am exhausted so I don't take his words as an order. He is my friend. I do as he says because I know he truly cares about me. Tomorrow I begin my new life.


	11. Chapter 11

CHAPTER ELEVEN

After climbing the staircase on the right and going through the door, I stood in the dimly lit hallway and stared at the many closed doors deciding which one I should try first. After quite a bit of analyzing, I chose to go the through the first door on my right to find the most gorgeous bedroom my eyes had ever set sight on. It was dark outside, so I had to imagine what it would look like with the sun cascading through the tall windows but even without that first impression, I was able to see the dream.

The bed with its fine satin cover was much too precious to dirty. I slowly walked through a different door and was able to find the attached bathroom that seemed to be the size of my old bedroom. As I began to undress, I turned the faucet to allow the bath to fill. My clothes laid haphazardly on the floor completely forgotten the moment my toes touched the warm water.

I laid back and let out a sound of appreciation. I was so exhausted, I thought I would go to sleep right then and there. I dipped down and allowed the water to fully bury my body and hair. The dirt from my fall hopefully diminishing as it would embarrass me to wake up in that beautiful bed with any residue spoiling its lovely sheets.

With a promise of taking a longer bath the next day, I exited the bathroom and looked around for something to wear but the closet was empty. I was not about to bother Edward with another word from me, so I dried off as best as I could and pulled back the comforter to slip down under the covers.

My mother would kill me if she knew I was sleeping bare in the bed. How improper. There is a time and place to be indecent and that was only after vows were said before God. I stifle a laugh when I realize that my mother can never say another word against me or my actions. Mischievously, I plan to drop that little morsel off in conversation the next time I see her just to watch her fight with her nature to say even one word.

I swear I did not wake once throughout the night. I didn't know to praise the exhaustion or the feather perfect bed for my thorough restful sleep. In fact, I wondered if Edward hadn't woken me the next morning if I would have ever woken up naturally.

"Bella."

"Bella," he says a little timidly comparing to how Edward usually said my name. I hear him clear his throat. My natural inclination is to stretch and yawn but when the sheet comes down and my bare breasts feel the air hit them, I instantly wake and grab for the sheet. My eyes pop open and I look to Edward hoping and praying he didn't just see something he shouldn't. Thankfully, he doesn't seem to be looking in my direction. Adverting his eyes like a gentleman.

"What are you doing in here?" he asked.

I begin to wonder how much he had to drink the previous night to cause this amnesia.

"Um...signed contract. You asked my parents…"

He sighed but kept his eyes averted.

"No, I mean, why are you sleeping in the guest quarters?"

I looked around once more. This room was a guest room?

"I didn't know...it is so very much grander than anything I have ever personally witnessed. Was I not to stay in this room?"

"No, but that is my fault. I should have said something...escorted you to your room myself. And... why are you naked?"

Hades be with me if my skin did not flush from head to toe.

"Well...I was dirty and there wasn't anything to wear and I did not want to cause you any more distress after last night's events. My apologies for my indecency. Please don't think poorly on me. I can promise it will never happen again."

He holds his hand up to silence me as I pull the covers up and over my mouth to stop me from saying anything further.

"It's okay, Bella. I don't care. There is a closet filled in your quarters. An early wedding present from Alice. I will send up Sue to help find your way to your room and to some...clothes."

He left quickly, and I believed that his face was nearly red with embarrassment as mine was. When the door closed behind him, I raced to find my clothes from yesterday to throw on. I did not want to humiliate myself further with the house staff.

Just as I was pulling on my workout sweats, there was a knock at my door. I called for them to enter and an older woman walked through. Her dark hair in a high bun and she was wearing a common housemaid outfit that I had seen on Rebecca over at Edward's family's estate.

"Good morning."

"Good afternoon, Miss Swan. Mr. Cullen asked me to attend to you. Let me show you to your room and help you dress."

Her heel turned sharply and she exited like she was marching into war. I quickly scrambled after her not wanting to know what she would say if I wasn't hot on her heels. My first impression was that she was a no-nonsense kind of woman and not one to trifle with. I felt uneasy when she said that she wanted to help me dress. She wasn't going to look me over while I was bare as the day I was born, was she?

We walked down a long corridor and I tried to look in on the various rooms as I passed but only managed glimpses. Paintings hung on every wall between each room and the carpet was maroon and gold with its common Trellis pattern. The walls were mahogany wood with crisp ivory ceilings with small chandeliers lighting the path.

We arrived at a double door at the end of the hall and Sue pushed opened the double doors and my feet stuttered with their steps when my eyes came in contact with my new quarters. I stalled at the door and took in the room unable to move forward. My mouth dropped. This room was three times larger than the previous. A king canopy bed with light blue covers and fancy furniture that looked to be from a fancy European country.

"Miss Swan, Mr. Cullen requires your presence for lunch. We need to get you dressed and proper soon," Sue said probably bored with my shock and awe.

I slowly walked in and followed her to the closet. Nervous that she would try and dress me, I quickly took over.

"I can find something to wear. Thank you for your service. I can take it from here."

It was the first time I ever gave an order before. I felt nervous doing so and I could tell by Sue's questioning narrowed eyes that she knew it was my first. I was probably too polite. When my mother would give Mrs. Cope an order at home, she would never say please or thank you.

Sue left and I began to slowly turn in circles as I gazed around at my new clothes. I sighed and shook my head at all the bright cheery colors that I knew Alice had picked knowing she wouldn't be here to listen to my dissatisfaction. I pulled off my dirty clothes and froze wondering what I should wear. Lunch with Edward but what else was expected with my day? Thankful that Alice allowed for black dress pants I pulled that on first after finding a pair of silky panties to go underneath. With a decent blue blouse to finish, I stood in front of the mirror feeling silly and overdressed.

I went over my dress options running my hands through the clothes in the closet many times. I never dressed this fancy during my normal day to day before. I suddenly hated myself for dismissing Sue prematurely. I racked my brain to try and remember how Alice would dress when I heard a gentle cough come from behind.

I looked towards Edward leaning against the entrance to my closet. Heaven knows how long he was standing there watching me in my panic of indecision.

"Lunch is about to turn into dinner which would be most unfortunate for me to break my promise to your parents in assuring them that I would see to all your needs being met."

"I don't know what to wear," I confessed.

Edward stood up straight and walked closer.

"You look fine as you are. Seems Alice did a good job."

"Not too fancy for lunch? I wasn't sure. I usually only dress like this when company is over. I tried to remember what Alice would wear around the house on a typical day but came up blank. I already feel the weight of my decisions pushing me down…"

"Bella," he interrupted placing his hands on my shoulders. "Breathe. You look fine. Yes, you should probably dress like this from now on. Unfortunately, I know how much you loved your jeans and baggy shirts, but you are a part of the high class now so, no more jeans. You should let Sue dress you until you understand expectations."

I cringed. "I don't want another person seeing me...undressed."

Edward looked slightly uncomfortable but let out a quiet scoff and replied, "Then ask her to pick out your clothes and leave you be. You like fine as you are. Let's have some lunch. I'm sure there are things that need to be said."

He left the way he came and I looked at myself once more in the mirror before sighing at my sad appearance and following after. Edward attempted to give me the short tour down to the dining room only pointing out certain rooms. He gave me permission to go into any room I wish which surprised me since he seemed to have this secretive side.

I stopped once again when I stepped one foot into the dining room. Floor to ceiling windows on the east and west walls that nearly made me feel as if I was eating in a greenhouse from the flowers and plants climbing the windows outside. On a sunny day, a gorgeous view. I wondered how I would feel on a stormy one, however.

"I went ahead and took the liberty to alert the kitchen staff of your dietary concerns but should you change your mind, you tell the staff to buy whatever you like. All you need to do is let them know and they will order it."

I said a quiet thank you and walked toward the chair opposite him and took my seat. A younger woman who must not have been very much older than I was walked through the south side of the room bringing a tray with her. Dressed in the standard uniform, I could tell that she was quite beautiful even though she had a distinct scar marring her face. Her hair matched that of Sue. Dark and in a high bun.

"This is Emily Uley. She is our other housemaid," Edward introduced.

"Oh, Uley? Not any relation to a Sam Uley?" I asked.

The young woman smiled warmly and nodded. "Yes, he is my husband."

I'm sure my face lite up. If she was half as nice as her husband, I would love having her around especially with this transition of my life.

"I work with him down at the hospital. I mean...I volunteer down at the hospital where he works. He is really great. We all love him."

Emily slightly bowed and replied, "Thank you for your kind words, Miss Swan. I will be sure to share them with him."

"Oh, you can just call me Bella," I said with the unpolished wave of my hand.

My words seem to have confused her, so it was Edward to explain my error.

"No, Bella. She can't. You are now the lady of the house and it isn't proper." Edward looked at Emily and said, "Leave the tray. You are dismissed."

Emily quickly left, and Edwards' eyes were trained on me waiting until there wasn't a person around. I sighed and waited.

"Bella, I know you are new to all of this but…"

"I'm never going to be like you," I rushed out probably a little too quickly.

"Be like me?" Edward asked.

"I wasn't raised proper. Even after Jessica's marriage moved up our station, I never treated Mrs. Cope differently. I respected her. I treated her like she was a member of the family and never gave her orders. I understand that there are certain appearances to be kept so the staff can call me any name you require but I'm not going to order them about and dismiss them if I can help it. Now, I think it would help both of us immensely if you could give me a list of expectations and I will do my best to meet them so you can feel that you are getting your money's worth with our deal."

"My money's worth?" he spits.

"I'm sorry. Was that offensive? I just mean that as you have pointed out several times that I often take take take. I know you paid a high price for...everything you gave my parents. It's only fair that I live up to my end of the bargain for...whatever it is that you promised."

Contrary to what he may think, I wasn't trying to start another war. My words just get the better of me sometimes. I wasn't exactly a fan of our ways as I had made it clear on several occasions, but I understood that nothing was ever going to change so I should be thankful to be at the top of the ladder even if it made me feel dirty to do so.

Edward hadn't spoken and I can tell from the look in his eyes, he is trying to decipher my honest intentions before going forth with the conversation. His body is rigid while he makes his assessment and when he finally deflates, I know that he is not going to argue with me further.

His finger picks at his thumb before his fingers ball back up into a fist.

"Do you want to see your contract?"

My eyes widened as it was not something often done. It wasn't a lady's place to know fully what her family would receive or the manner she would be taken care of by her husband.

"You would do that?"

He shrugged.

"Maybe you will trust me if I just show you the damn thing."

Stupidity knocked twice on my brain for what I responded with next.

"I trust you to tell me the truth. I'm sure that it has the standard agreements. Your father said so and I hoped that you kept your word in the promises you made me."

"I did," he replied. "Your mother and father have a great deal more land along with a rise in their station to rival your sister, so she has no authority over your parents any longer. With my signature, I promised to care for you in every way possible. But, I can't do that if you won't be honest with me or work with me. You have made your dissatisfaction clear many times, but I am not your enemy, Bella."

"I know that," I quickly said. "Once again, I apologize for giving you that impression in the past but sometimes, you play your role a little too well. Some of the things you say or do in front of others make me wonder about your true intentions. The way you spoke to my father worried me, but I didn't know you meant me no harm with your harsh tone and words. You are two different people. The Edward I grew up with and the Edward you show the world. It's all very confusing."

He nodded and picked up his glass to take a drink of his water. He gestured for me to begin eating. A steak salad that tasted nearly as good as anything I have ever had.

"My expectations for you is to play your role when we are in public. Alice's Blessing Celebration is coming up in two days' time. Since we never established our relationship in public, this will be our first official event and unfortunately for you, it will be harder than if we had gone on a public date. It is one thing for word of mouth to spread our news but completely different for the people to witness it in person. We will be under a microscope and expected to act a certain way. Holding hands. Kissing. Keeping our faces cheery and free from scowls," he said that last part for my benefit.

I bit my lip and looked down at my plate.

"I know you have your duties to my sister during her party, but I expect you to be at my side whenever you are not attending to my sister."

I nodded and wagered my next words.

"Are you worried about what people will say or think? That you would willingly choose...this?" I asked waving my hand to indicate my body.

"No, because I don't care what people think and neither should you. If someone says something, please tell me or remind them of their place. I don't believe we will have too many issues. Not a lot of people want to chance offending the Cullens."

I picked at my salad and sighed. I was down about seven pounds, but it felt like even if I lost a hundred pounds it would never be enough for certain people. I did not want to embarrass Alice which was my reason to do everything I was doing but it was times like this, I wondered if it would have been easier to be a gutter baby. At least no one cared about your weight when you called the streets your home.

"Also, I canceled Jacob for today. With everything that happened yesterday, I thought you needed a day to settle in and heal from your fall. You can call him back tomorrow but try and take it easy. I don't want you wounded for Alice's party. And if you could try and keep things professional with Jacob that would be greatly appreciated."

My face must have said it all because he quickly added, "I noticed that you two seemed to be quite close and I don't want people thinking poorly of you or believing you would carry on a tryst with a lesser."

I laughed and set my fork down.

"I think anyone who isn't blind would know that someone like Jacob would never touch someone like me. I'm not quite sure any man would ever want to touch this. In fact, I wonder how hard you will have to work at Alice's Blessing Celebration to have people believe that you would ever want to touch me in that fashion."

Edward seemed to be thinking over my words. He opened his mouth and shut it again and then seemed to lose the direction he wanted to go in.

"Bella, you aren't as displeasing as you think you are. Just remember it isn't just about the physical. I know that our society may have you believe that a person's worth is in their outward appearance, but you show people something far more important. Don't worry about proving to the public of our relationship. They will believe it because we will make them believe it."

I returned back to my salad, but I could feel Edward's eyes still on me even though I was doing everything I could to not meet them. This conversation had officially become uncomfortable. I found it a bit odd that Edward would worry about my relationship with Jacob. I mean has he ever looked at Jacob? He was everything I wasn't. Jacob would probably jump off a cliff if given the choice between me and death.

Unfortunately, Edward's words followed me the next day when Jacob came for our session. I felt nervous as I watched Jacob demonstrate the exercise he wanted me to do. More than once I found myself become flush from thinking about Jacob. I was thankful that with the heat and constant movement he was none the wiser.

Every time Jacob's hand would touch me or if his mouth was close to my ear, I nearly shivered in anticipation for something I would never have. My thoughts jump to the parade of women that Edward planned on bringing into the house and I briefly wondered if I should ask him if he would allow me the same respect. Not that I believed Jacob would oblige but it was a nice thought to hold onto.

"Right here. You feel that?" Jacob asked with my hands pressed firmly on his stomach. He was flexing as hard as he could to show me how he wanted me to flex what little muscle I had in my stomach while resting in between sets. Could I feel his rock-hard stomach? Yes, sir!

I nodded and then he placed his hands on my stomach and asked me to give it a go. I grunted softly trying to do as he asked and feeling horribly self-conscious that Jacob Black's hands were touching my fat.

"Nice! I love that. Way to go, Bella. You are by far my favorite client."

"Really?" I asked incredulously.

"Of course! Your constant dedication lights my fire! I am in awe. Truly Bella."

He smacks me on the back and I nearly lose my balance from focusing on clenching my stomach muscles. But it was his incredibly kind words that have me smitten. After Jacob left for the day, I found myself dreaming about a world that someone like Jacob would fall for someone like me. Like the South American dream I had many times, I knew it would always be just that, a dream.

As fascinating as my new residence was, I did not want to spend my first days wandering around the premise. It felt strange to be in that house especially when Sue or Emily would find me. I decided to spend my day away at my volunteer position. I found that many times in my life, I would see the hospital as a way to escape. The people I knew and worked alongside were kind and treated me like any other person.

"Well, I didn't think I would be seeing you around here anymore?" Sam said when he saw me.

"Why would you think that?"

"Word has it that you moved up in the world. A Cullen huh? I can't imagine a Cullen would be happy with you spending your time down here when you could be in a…charm school or something."

I laughed and pushed him in the shoulder.

"Charm school? I will have you know that they did a diagnostic and couldn't find an ounce of charm to school in me. Guess I will just have to settle for old fashioned manners. So, did your wife tell you?"

He placed down his stack of charts and reached over to grab a pen. Sam had a strange smile on his face when he looked up at me.

"Yes, she did. I was happy when she told me who she would be working for. I knew you would always be respectful. Unfortunately, some families may not have afforded her that. I know you would never be like that no matter what your last name may be."

I felt myself blush at the compliment and yet my eyes cast downward embarrassed that things seemed to have not been very easy for my friend. I knew that with his position, Sam was lucky to be where he was. Hearing him say that Emily hadn't always been treated with respect, it made me wonder if her scar was the evidence to that.

"Sam. What's it like in the city? I have never seen it."

I have no idea why I was asking that question. The city was the territory for the lessers. People above a certain station never stepped foot in it. I heard tales of poverty so horrible that it would cause a lady to faint from the sight. I could tell that my question caught Sam off guard.

"It is not something I could ever describe accurately. I'm sure a lady of your station would only see dirt, dilapidated buildings, and starvation but for someone who grew up there, I can tell you that the people, the city is so much more than that. I don't know why your kind is so afraid of coming our way. Do you honestly believe that any lesser would ever hurt someone of high breeding? They would not. No one wants to go to the white ward. If I thought, you had the grit I would take you myself and open your eyes to a whole new world. Families joined together to help one another out. Kindness even in the darkest corner. I probably shouldn't even be speaking to you on this. If your fiancé knew, I'm sure he would see me cast back down to the gutter."

I shook my head.

"I would never say anything to Edward. I'm sorry if you think I put you in a difficult position. I don't know why I wondered. I guess…its about the unknown. I'm sure if Edward ever caught me stepping one foot into the city, he would cast me down to the gutter himself."

Sam looked uneasy with our conversation, so he excused himself saying he had to make sure that his patients received their medications on time. Not wanting to go home, I wandered the halls and checked in on some of my regulars.

When I had nothing officially left to do with my day, I sat in the cafeteria with my low-carb meal and stared at the table while I thought back to my conversation with Sam. My mind creating this story of what I would see if I did ever venture into the city.

"Don't you have a big party you should be preparing for tomorrow?"

I looked up to find Carlisle's friendly face. I set my fork down and bit my lip uneasily thinking over the last time I saw him.

"Everything is ready for Alice's party. I believe she has been ready since before she even knew a Jasper Whitlock existed."

Carlisle pulled out a chair and sat down across from me. He looked mighty burdened for a man who never had to worry about burdens.

"I wanted to see how you were doing? How…everything is going?"

I shrugged attempting to act like I wasn't any worse for the wear or that I found it incredibly awkward to share a conversation with my soon to be father-in-law. A man who knew I was only marrying his son for a rise in station. His son only choosing me so he could have his cake and eat it too. Even a Cullen name wouldn't protect the family against scandal if it ever got out that Carlisle allowed his son to marry a girl so below just to grab at his inheritance.

That was the peculiar thing about this hierarchy. Families like the Cullens, McCartys, Whitlocks and such believed they were invisible. To a point they were but the moment a scandal would hit, a family could hold their place, but no one would respect them enough to continue dealing with the offensive family.

"It's a …an adjustment. But I promised Edward that I wouldn't embarrass him or the family. I know the high price paid for someone like me, so you have nothing to worry about. I will be the picture of perfection when I arrive at the Crystal Courts tomorrow."

"I know you will," Carlisle replied. "I just…wish I could keep you from going so you wouldn't have to worry about putting on a show. Holding hands with my son and the look in your eye will be enough proof for anyone that you love and care deeply for him, but it will be hard for you. Not because there will be plenty of ladies there tomorrow who will be most upset at the news that Edward is off the market. I'm sure they will try and come at you with their tongue in cheek comments but what will be harder is seeing the look in Edward's eyes and know that the twinkle is only there for show."

I looked down feeling the stab to my heart at his words. I knew he meant no harm by them. He was being honest. It hurt to hear the honesty anyways. I guess he could see what damage his words had done because he instantly moved closer.

"Bella, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said anything. I just wish my son could be more like you. Kind and caring. If he wasn't so stubborn, he would look at you in a manner that you have dreamed of. It is my hope that you will be able to teach him things about life that I was never able to. You should probably get home. You have a long day tomorrow and I know, even though Edward would never admit it, that you working here worries him."

I nodded and scooted my chair back. I picked up the remains of my food and began to go but before I did I stopped and turned back to Carlisle.

"Edward told me that he didn't think it was proper for me to be here surrounded by all this death." I shrugged once again. "I told him if he didn't let me come and do my work I would never forgive him. He backed off so…I guess I am not as weak as you may think I am. I can handle being in this loveless marriage. I can handle anything that may be said to me tomorrow. I think you'll find that anything said or done…there isn't a whole lot of negativity I haven't been exposed to and yet, here I am. A child to parents who were lessers with granted money. The overweight girl who had no prospects and now…I am a Cullen. Edward may not love me but don't count me out just yet."

I turned around and tossed the contents in my hands into the trash and walked away. Carlisle was right, tomorrow was going to be one stressful day. Keep your head high Bella. Don't listen to them. You are a Cullen. Just as Carlisle said, we do as we please. Cullens don't bend to societal pressures. You are a Cullen. You are a Cullen. You are a Cullen.

Hit with a scary notion. What if something happened and I never became a Cullen? I swallowed harshly at the thought. My bravery quickly faded for my premonition.


	12. Chapter 12

CHAPTER TWELVE

I stood on the steps to the Crystal Courts attempting to gather up the courage I needed to step foot through the doors of Kensington Court. Most called it Kenzie because they did not want to be labored with speaking the full name. Four diamond-shaped buildings coming together to form one large diamond. Each structure designated for a group. Established money. One for gentleman and one for ladies and two separate buildings for granted money gentleman and ladies. Separate buildings to ensure that the prominent families did not have to associate with granted money unless they wished to. A small number of lessers allowed inside only to serve and clean. In between each diamond were the gardens. The gardens were a place that men, women, established and granted could come together. That didn't happen often.

I had been to Vessallus, the granted ladies court a few times in the past for special events but going to court wasn't my cup of tea when it came to deciding how I wanted to spend my time. Some ladies loved to spend their time there. I believed it was so a person could feel more important since you had to be of a certain station to ever partake in the use of the courts. My mother would weep when she would speak of the first time she was permitted into Vessallus. She wondered why I wouldn't want to spend my free time there instead of monkeying about in the trees between the Cullen's and our property. Jessica spent nearly every waking second in Vessallus until the day she was permitted to court at Kensington. She loved to tell my mother of all the enhancements that Kensington had over Vessallus. To Jessica, Vessallus was practically the same as the gutter. With my engagement, my mother would finally be allowed entrance to Kensington.

So here I was, on the steps with only a few more feet in the right direction, I would enter Kensington for the first time. My foot takes a step back down a stair. I am running late. Alice and Esme will have been inside since early morning making sure that all their wishes were made possible by the coordinators. Edward agreed to meet me here in time for the event. The Blessing Celebration was to take place in the garden next to Kensington.

"Miss Swan."

My heart stops at the sound of my formal name. I slowly turn to find Jasper standing one step below and yet still able to tower over me with his long legs.

"My apologies," I replied stepping out of his way.

"Oh no, I was just making sure you were okay."

I sighed and looked back toward the grand entrance to Kensington.

"It's my first time…and there are many things that weigh down my walk on this day."

Jasper walked over to the side rails and leaned up against it looking towards the diamond buildings. He pulled out a fancy cigarette case and lighter then proceeded to light one up.

"My apologies if this offends. Alice wants me to quit by the time we take our vows, so I try and sneak one off during times like these. I know I shouldn't be nervous since I love Alice and I was lucky that her family agreed to marriage, but I am not one for parties so just the thought of going into that building makes me anxious."

I nodded and blushed. "Of course. How silly of me. You have all the reason to be nervous as it is your event and here I stand with my reasons being very little."

"No, your reasons are not little," he corrected quickly. "If it was ladylike, I would offer you one just to ease the tension you must feel."

It wasn't permitted for a lady to smoke. My father had never been one to take up the task, so I had very little knowledge of the fascination behind it. I know my mother often threatened my father that she would throw him to the gutter if he ever took up the practice.

"You northerners are quite progressive if I must say. We would never allow granted money to share grounds with established money down where I am from. The courts are in two different cities. I find that I quite like the mixture. I think there is something to be said from learning from one another no matter their station."

I was quite shocked by his revelation. I would never wager that a southerner would speak openly about acceptance of all. It made me think back to Emily and Sam.

"Mr. Whitlock. Have you ever ventured into the city?"

Jasper was taken aback by my question. He blew out the smoke and proceeded to put out his cigarette.

"Yes. Many times. It was necessary for my family's line of work. However, I find I like to go and see the city sometimes for personal reasons. It is very different from here. I'm sure Edward would never permit you to go as I would never agree to allow Alice to go if she asked. It is no place for a lady."

I felt quite a letdown. My nature fighting within me over this man saying I wasn't allowed to do something whether he is right or not. I attempted to shrug it off.

"I was just curious."

I looked back at the entrance and Jasper held out a hand to lead the way. Of course, he wasn't permitted to enter Kensington. He would probably proceed to the gardens where the party was being held.

The moment I entered, I could see why Jessica would brag about Kensington over Vessallus. The woods were polished, and any metal fixture looked to be made of gold. The chandeliers were quite impressive even though the ceiling which was fashioned from cut glass was already quite pleasing. This was why these buildings were called the Crystal Courts. The ceilings with its cut glass would cause the room to glitter. An engineering marvel as the sun was overhead and yet the temperature of the room was still pleasing. On one side of the room were high back plush white chairs near an adequate library. On another side were small tea tables set up for civil conversations.

"There you are! I was about to call Edward and asked why he hadn't sent you over yet," Alice complained while I stood at the entrance afraid to move and wondering if anyone would attempt to remove me. Alice's loud voice cause several to look my way and even though I agonized over what to wear that morning, I still felt underdressed from the looks I received.

Alice came over and took my hand pulling me further inside.

"You must see the garden. It's beautiful Bella. A thousand silk squares all hung around to celebrate our blessing. I still have yet to change as you can tell but I wanted to see that everything was prepared as we expected. We were even able to get the white butterflies to accommodate. I have never been happier."

She stopped and turned to me, "And you look beautiful Bella. I love this dress and am so happy that you chose it to wear today. I hope Edward saw you before you left so he would wear something to match. Who did your hair? Did Emily do it? I asked that she help you get ready for today. I think today is about as important for you as it is for Jasper and me. Awe, Jasper. I can't wait until he sees the gardens."

Overwhelmed and then hearing Alice talking a mile a minute, I felt I needed to take a breath for Alice. I flattened out a crease in my purple and white patterned dress and squeezed Alice's hand.

"Breathe Alice. I have a feeling Jasper is in the garden now. Perhaps you should go and get dressed so he can see you in all your glory when you are announced."

I knew Alice would match her décor. Light blue and white. Wedgewood. In fact, she was seeing that every lady was adorned with a cameo around their neck for her special day. There was to be a tree set outside with a hundred special necklaces hanging upon it.

Alice smiled and shook with excitement before skipping off to find her dressing room. I looked around and could see a few disgruntled eyes upon me. Since I was in the center of the room and hoping to not be the center of attention, I quickly moved to the side with the comfy chairs and melted down into one, but it didn't take long for someone to question my credentials.

A tall girl with bright red hair dressed in a super tight black and white dress headed my way with a female guard accompanying her. I sighed and slightly shook my head awaiting what was to come.

"Excuse me. May I have your name?" The woman in the uniform asked of me.

"You should be in Vessallus. I've never seen you around here before. I know every lady who is allowed entrance to Kensington," the redhead stepped in front giving me a look that might cause my heart to arrest if I allowed myself to be scared of her.

I stood up and took a breath. Inside my head, I chanted, I am a Cullen, but I was not about to let the cat out the bag so soon. Most people knew of Edward Cullen even if he had been away for many years.

"My name is Isabella Swan. I assure you that I have been allowed entrance. I would never dream of entering a place I should not be. I am here for Alice Cullen's Blessing Celebration. As I'm sure you noticed moments ago that she greeted me. She would not have done so if she believed I shouldn't be here."

If I hadn't become engaged to Edward, I would be forced to wait in the garden for the duration of the event. Exiled to the garden was sounding mighty fine at the moment.

"Who is your sponsor, Miss Swan?" the guard asked me.

I didn't want to answer that question, so I stood up.

"This isn't really worth my time or energy. I think I will see myself to the gardens."

The tall red-headed woman stepped in my way. "Your presence is warranted enough for a citation. You should know your place."

"I believe she does, as she has said."

We all turned and see Esme standing proud. She walks over and places a gentle arm around me. "Isabella has every right to be here Miss. Denali. More of a right than you perhaps as she is engaged to my son."

I'm not sure if this Miss Denali was more surprised by Esme's words or disgusted. Her mouth definitely opened as she attempted to keep her wits about her and what she feared would come out next.

"I…I…I wasn't aware that Edward had chosen a wife," she stuttered and shook her head attempting to wrap her mind around a world where someone like Edward Cullen would choose someone like me. "Happy Blessing Day," she mumbled softly.

"Thank you, dear. Now, why don't we go and find you a lovely necklace to wear, Bella? I want to be sure you get the first choice," Esme said steering me in the direction of the gardens.

We walked through the French doors and when I was sure we were out of hearing range, I thanked Esme for the rescue. She brought me over toward the tree where a hundred cameo necklaces hung upon the branches. I began to look through them even though I wasn't paying much attention. Slowly guests began to arrive and after my first encounter, I choose to remain off to the side near the bushes and away from the cameo tree where the ladies would gather and squeal over which necklace to choose.

Edward said he would arrive on time. I'm sure he was ready for the show to begin. I felt as if I was still going over my lines, afraid I was going to mess up the performance. Repeating all his expectations. Kissing. Handholding. No scowls. I knew how I would make it through today with no error on my part, but it would kill me to do it. Carlisle was right. For me, there was no role to play. All I had to do was be myself. Be the dream that I wanted but would never get.

Edward walked in and I nearly fan myself at how enticing he looks. Kissing and hand holding. There were far worse ways to go to hell. I walked over and let my face light up at the sight of him. He sees me and immediately becomes the role he was meant to play.

"Darling," Edward said meeting my lips with a kiss. My hand is in his as he swipes a stray hair out of my face and places it behind my ear.

"How is everything?" He asked.

"Perfect. Well…now that you're here."

I see his eyes question my words. This is the first time that I am playing my part nearly as well as he is. He places his arm around my waist and walks me toward our table. I can already see the looks on people's faces as we pass them, but I focus on Edward.

Esme left to be with Alice until their presentation. The Whitlocks were expected to announce their son and present him. Then Carlisle and Esme would come out next and present Alice. Both families would stand united as the guests were expected to raise a class and bless the couple on their future endeavors as man and wife.

"Any issues?" Edward asked softly.

I knew he would want to know about Miss Denali but my role to play didn't include dealing with temper tantrum socialites, so I lied and shook my head. I see his eyes look me over to wager whether I was speaking honestly but for the first time, it seems as if my lie passed the test.

Nervous and wanting to return back to my corner I waited for Edward to give me direction. He suggested that we not stay at our table because then people might think we had something to hide so he took my hand and we began to walk toward the groups that were standing around and mingling.

I see the redhead, Miss Denali and I attempt to steer Edward in a different direction, but his grip outweighs mine. He is heading directly towards her. My hand subconsciously gripping his tighter.

"Edward, my boy. I heard rumblings that you were back."

An older gentleman smacks Edward on the back and I see the girl I had a confrontation with staring at me as I try and control the look of love on my face for Edward.

"Mr. Denali, please allow me to introduce my fiancé Isabella Swan."

The old man nearly chokes on his spit. He attempts to cough it out.

"Edward, I thought Carlisle would have sent you our offer. I believe we were more than generous. My daughter is quite capable of being by your side. I think the Denalis and Cullens have a lot of business that could be managed if there was a union you would consider."

I knew my relationship was fake and I should not take offense to the man's words, but I can't help myself. Does he really believe it is appropriate to say such a thing in front of me as if I were nothing better than a garden gnome? I feel Edward's grip tightening. I slowly look up to his face.

"I did receive your offer, but my heart has always been set on Isabella. We go a long way back and I am in a position to marry someone I love rather than for business purposes. Your daughter is lovely, I'm sure she will find a suitable match soon. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm afraid we don't want to miss my sister's entrance. Good day."

"Happy Blessing Day," the old man replied with his jaw tight and eyes cold.

My eyes shift to look towards Miss Denali and she narrows her own with a silent challenge. Edward steers me toward our table and squeezes my side.

"Is there something you should tell me?"

"Only that my heart is filled with love," I said with a cheesy smile.

Edward seems irritated with me and I wish I could laugh and get away with it because I have turned the tables on him.

"You know that is not what I meant," he said pulling out my chair for me to sit down.

As we go to sit, the guests begin to follow our lead. Our table is set for just Edward and me. Alice and Jasper will have their own table and the Cullens and Whitlocks will share a table as a symbol of their families uniting with this marriage. I see a glass of champagne at my place and I want to down the contents, but I know how improper that would be.

Edward sits down beside me, pulling his chair closer. He leans over and I'm sure to all the people who sit behind us, it looks like he is whispering sweet words into my ear but that is not the case.

"I want to know, Bella."

I sighed and looked to his face which is mere inches from mine.

"Why? Everything is fine. It has been handled and so far, it is what was to be expected. No need to carry an issue on your sleeve for something that has been dealt with. Now, be a dear and smile, your father is about to announce your sister and we won't want to miss this," I replied giving his cheek a squeeze and light pat.

I look toward the flowered archways where Mr. Whitlock and Mrs. Whitlock stand. Mrs. Whitlock is beaming but Mr. Whitlock's face looked like it hadn't seen a smile in over a decade. Edward wants to say more but Mr. Whitlock interrupts him and causes him to hold off for now.

"Thank you all for coming to celebrate this joyful occasion," he begins even if there is nothing joyful about his face. "My wife and I have the pleasure of introducing our son. A man who has established himself as a proper, strong candidate to take the hand of a Cullen. We bless this union and know that with this marriage it will bring our families many prosperous years and offspring. My son, Jasper Lee Whitlock."

Jasper walked out, and I could see how tense he was. Probably in desperate need for another cigarette. He walked over and shook his father's gruff hand and laid a gentle kiss on his mother's cheek before standing to face the direction of the garden entrance for Kensington where Alice was to appear. Now it was Carlisle's turn. As it was, Carlisle wasn't expected to make a speech as Mr. Whitlock had done. Simply, he was to announce Alice's name, since ladies didn't earn a whole introduction.

Alice stepped out in her light blue dress with white lace and immediately went to Jasper's arms. We all stood up and raised our glasses to bless the happy couple. I finally am able to partake in the contents of my glass and I do so happily. This is my Blessing Celebration. I hear Edward cough to get my attention and once more I am back to being Bella, the performing pooch. I place the glass down and Edward and I kiss as if we were the ones standing on the garden steps being toasted.

"Don't go getting drunk on me," Edward said when our kiss ended.

"Please. I can outdrink you," I challenged.

Edward's eyes danced with merriment.

"Doubtful but we will never test that theory, I'm afraid. Now be good while I am away. Go help Alice."

It was a tradition for the men to retire and have a drink with the groom-to-be while the ladies shared in a spot of tea and light snacks. Edward squeezed my hand one last time and walked over to join his father in entering their court. I saw Alice and Jasper give each other one last kiss before separation. I waited till they were done before going over to be at Alice's side.

"Anything I can serve you with?" I asked Alice.

She shook her head from her fantasies and beamed down at me.

"Just a light snack and please get yourself something too. Come join me and my mother."

Alice went to sit at her special table and Esme excused herself from some well-wishers and went to sit down next to Alice. I walked over to the graciously stocked table and went to make my request.

"Two plates of fruit and a couple of chocolates should do it."

The young uniformed servant went to load up my plates as I requested while other guests were beginning to come around and place their orders as well. I tried to not pay attention to the hushed whispers around me, but it was a task that proved too difficult to accomplish. The comments were to be expected so I tried to ignore them but when the servant handed me back my plates and someone made a quiet mention about my weight I nearly lost it.

I turned around and stared down at my aggressor. A young blond wisp of a thing with blue eyes.

"Does my presence offend you? I might have to speak to my fiancé about that. What was your name again?" I shook my hand when I saw she was too scared to give it. "No matter, as we all know, anything below a Cullen isn't worth my time."

I pushed past the gossiping girls and headed back to Alice's table. I placed the plates down in front of her and said that I wanted to use the facilities and would be back shortly. I left before I could hear her question my red face.

I marched back into Kensington and took a breath. Most people were outside. Only ladies that remained inside Kensington weren't invited to the party. My eye catches the tea tables and I see my mother sitting and enjoying a cup as she looked around at her impressive new court. She looked young and carefree. She finally had everything she ever wanted. I slowly back up and head in the direction of the bathroom before she sees me. I don't know what to think about my mother. Even though she could be a wretch of a person, she was still my mother. A conundrum if ever there was.

I take far too much time in the restroom. A private room with a couch to lay upon and long counter filled with everything from disposable toothbrushes to makeup kits. Fresh pink roses give the room a lovely scent. This is where I want to spend the rest of my time, but I know that if I am away too long, Alice will send someone after me and it would only be a matter of minutes when the gentleman arrive back that Alice will have said something to her brother.

I wonder if I can drink my weight in water, so I can come back to this sanctuary often like a hit from a drug, I need this room. Although, I am proud of myself. So far not one tear spilled for the these uppity, vapid, socialites. That must count for something right?

It seems as if I was gone too long as the men are all filing back out into the garden. I see Edward standing at our table and looking around. He slowly moves to head towards Alice. I quickly skip down to meet him with my face refreshed.

"There you are? Where did you go?" Edward asked.

I shrugged and shook my head slightly. "Just…powdering my nose. I believe they are about ready to serve lunch. We should head back to our table."

I took his hand and began to pull him away from Alice who thankfully continued to smile at her brother to not let on of my absence. We sit back down at our table and make light conversation. I adore Edward Cullen. I love Edward Cullen. He is my fiancé and I am his. I see the sparkle in his eye that Carlisle warned me about, but I shut out his words because for these few precious hours. I have the future I want.

The moment we are in the car to go back home, the dream is over. Edward no longer holds my hand or looks at me. I take to staring out my window, so I can keep on with the lie for a little while longer.

The car pulls up around the fountain to let us off at the main entrance and I follow Edward inside. The second that the door is shut behind me, Edward speaks.

"So, tell me the truth now. What happened? Who said what? Where did you go during tea time? I want the answers, Bella. No more sappy silly lies."

His voice irritates me. I hate when he speaks to me like this. The dream is gone, and I am no longer expected to play a role.

"What does it matter who said what? Do you really believe that you have the power to dismiss the entire court of this state? Your family may be powerful but in order for there to be a hierarchy that you sit upon the throne of, you must have underlings. Things were said. I handled it. In fact, I handled it far better than I thought I could. I played the part you wanted me to play. I was a damn fine actress today. There is no reason for your harsh tones."

Edward began to undo his tie and pull it off. Frustrated at my speech he attempted to calm himself down before proceeding.

"I want to know. I have the right to know. If someone says something against you, they say it against our family. That is unacceptable."

Following his lead, I dropped my small purse and walked away toward one of the expensive glass knickknacks. No, I wasn't planning on breaking another one. We were already down two gaudy priceless vases.

"I saw my mother today. Embracing her new membership to Kensington. I didn't say hello. She was so into her new position, I was able to get away without being noticed. I spent my time in the bathroom because it was preferable than all the madness happening outside. Girls speaking in not so hushed tones over the devastation that a Cullen could be wasted on someone like me." I turned to him. "You want names? Give me a few weeks of classes and perhaps I will know who offended your family with their truthful tongues. Odd thing is that I should feel offended, but I don't because it is to be expected. I have no right to feel offended when a gentleman openly asks why you didn't accept their offer for his daughter's pristine hand. I have no right to speak against any person who would see our relationship as a joke because they are right. This lie that I help perpetuate for the sake of your reputation, so you could carry on and pretend to be the single man as you go about sleeping with strangers to fill your need. But, I wonder. Would you grant me the same respect? Let me find a person I may have to fill any need I might have?"

Edward searches for his answer. I stand as still as one of those precious garish vases wondering if one slight touch will push me over and lead me to crash upon the floor in a million tiny pieces. Edward's jaw is tight and then he relaxes with a small wisp of air filtering out through his nose.

"If it would please you."

I nod softly. He grabs at his tie and throws it over his shoulder.

"I am tired. I am going to retire to my quarters now. Good evening, Isabella."

Stiffly he walks past me and goes toward the staircase that leads up to his side of the house. Once he is gone behind the door, I too slowly crawl up my stairs toward my private quarters. I go through the process of cleaning the makeup from off my face. The perfect accessory for any actor. I drop the dress down and peel myself out of the suffocating girdle.

I am no longer the twinkle in Edward Cullen's eye. I lie down on the bed all alone and give into my torturous tears that finally can make a break after my tedious day. My mind slowly pictures Jacob. With Edward's permission, I wonder if Jacob could be an adequate candidate. But I am still a virgin and as much as this whole charade hurts my soul, I know that I still want Edward to be my first even if he would only play that part out of duty. So, for now, thoughts of Jacob will have to wait.


	13. Chapter 13

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

"The body achieves what the mind believes!"

Jacob began to do his little wiggling butt dance around me and I can't run on the treadmill any longer. I jump off unable to control my laughter.

"You must stop, Jacob. I can't concentrate when you start dancing like that," I giggled.

Jacob walked over and reached for a towel and tossed it at me.

"Hey, I have to make it fun or else it will feel like you are putting the work in workout and then you might want to quit on me and I can't have that because Bella, you are lookin' good."

I feel my face flush and once again I am thankful that I was just sweating and red from the small jog I just did on that bloody contraption for sparing me the embarrassment of Jacob knowing my true feelings.

I had thought a lot about it since Edward gave me his blessing. I was not going to approach Jacob just yet. For one, I wanted to wait until I was no longer a virgin and two, I was scared of what he would say. His outright rejection could hurt me even if I was expecting it. I thought that if I lost a certain amount of weight, my offer might be more tempting. I had a number in my head that I wanted to reach so that was my deadline. Every weigh-in would feel like a push to get me down to that goal weight.

"Why don't we measure and see where you are. Remember it's not just pounds we want to lose but inches are important too," Jacob said pulling out his measuring tape.

My insecure nature hated seeing that damn measuring tape. I wish someone else could do this part. I hated that Jacob knew just how gross I was while he wrapped the tape around my fat.

I stood holding out my arms and attempting to suck it in without him knowing. He would sometimes poke my stomach to see if I was doing it to make me exhale. He didn't want fake numbers, but I didn't want him seeing what number I was really at. So, inches counted as much as pounds did. I wonder what an acceptable number of inches would be to lose before he would deem me worthy.

He began at my hips. Of course, the meatiest part first. Then stomach and finally my chest which I usually didn't have a problem with since the only upside to being this big was a big chest. The back fat might need to go, however.

"Jacob, what do you think I should aim for when it comes to inches?" I asked.

He moved the tape to flatten it out against my backside and brought it around to the front. He was crouching down to take the number but when he heard my question he stopped and stood back up.

"Well, I guess that would depend on you. What number do you want to get down to? To be honest, you could be a size zero and still not feel comfortable with how you look. Unfortunately, the side effect of losing weight is sometimes feeling like you need to lose more. The best advice I can give you is that no matter how much weight you lose, don't let it change you. Keep this the same because if you lose it, that would be the real loss," Jacobs said tapping on my chest where my heart was.

I think I fell even more. Our eyes continued to stare into one another's for how long? I don't know but it was a cough from the corner of the studio that broke up our gaze.

We both turn to see Edward standing there looking…I don't even know how to gauge his face because I immediately look away from him nervous how Jacob and I must have appeared to him.

"Apologies. Are you almost done, Bella? I have something I need to speak with you about."

Jacob took a step back and let the tape fall to release me.

"Yeah, we are all done for today. Good work as always Bella. You're my star," Jacob said grabbing his towel from off the ground and throwing it over his shoulder before giving me a thumbs up.

Edward stands like a statue waiting for Jacob to go. I grabbed my water bottle waiting to hear why he felt the need to interrupt my session. I still had fifteen more minutes. It made me wonder why Jacob felt the need to flee so quickly. He could have told Edward we weren't done.

Once Jacob was well out of the room, Edward looked behind him towards the door to make sure and then walked over to me.

"Please tell me that you aren't considering Jacob to be the one."

I scoffed lightly and went to sit down on the matt to work on my cool down stretches.

"Like Jacob would ever consider it. Look at him. He is…way too handsome to want to ever have a go with me. Besides, what does it matter who I choose? I doubt you would afford me the same pleasantry."

Edward's fist balls up and I can see he is fighting his nature to argue with me. He walks closer and lowers his voice, "Look, Bella, I don't want to fight with you, but you cannot choose him to be your first. There is something about him that I don't trust and as your friend, I just want to make sure you don't make a mistake."

I don't want to fight with him either especially since he said the friend part.

I sighed and stopped stretching to gather the courage to look up at him.

"Look, I already decided. Since we already spoke about this. I was going to wait and see to it that you were my first. For the sake of the confirmation as well as…because you are my friend and I thought that even if it was overly taxing to be physical with someone like me and if the offer was still on the table, I would want to at least be with someone who I know as opposed to someone I just met."

It seems my words cause Edward to calm as his body instantly relaxed.

"Yes, Of course. As you said, it would probably be best…you know for the confirmation. But, try and think about someone else for…after. As I said, there is something about Jacob that I don't trust. I just want to make sure he doesn't hurt you."

I wished I could laugh. Tell him what I really thought. Have the courage to say that watching women go in and out of this house would hurt me most of all but I don't. Instead, my pain turns to anger as I try and focus it, so I don't end up crying a puddle at his shoes.

"If Jacob agrees, then yes, I am going to sleep with Jacob. I don't know what weird feeling you have that causes you to mistrust him, but he has been nothing but kind and encouraging to me. He makes me feel beautiful when I have no right to. Who exactly would I ask? I am not like you, Edward. I don't have this amazing body and perfect face as you do? I can't go and catch men like they are fish in a pond like you can with girls. I'm not fortunate to have such a pool available to me as you do. I doubt you would let me approve of your choices to warm your bed so, don't come in here and tell me that you don't want me to sleep with Jacob because as I see it, if I really wanted to make a stink about it, I could make it very difficult on you and let everyone know that Edward Cullen is just marrying me for money. Let's see what your uppity society friends think of that?"

Once again, there goes my mouth.

"You dare threaten me after everything I have done for you.," he spits and slowly advances on me like a cheetah preparing to charge. "Go ahead and sleep with Jacob. Go fuck the entire lesser community if they will have you but just a warning Bella, I can take it all away. You go ahead and run your mouth and see who they will believe when I am through with you."

He stormed out of the room, kicking a ball so hard at the mirror that I was surprised that it didn't crack it. The moment he is gone, I shattered as the mirror should have. I know my words were not kind but to hear Edward speak to me the way he did, I felt like I couldn't breathe.

It takes more time than I like to admit collecting myself to make it to my quarters to shower. I find the release of tears falling with the water from the spray of the showerhead comforting. I make a promise that they will end the moment I turn the knobs to the off position and with the will of the ox, I am able to keep my silent promise. Slowly, I get to searching for an appropriate outfit.

I don't want to stay in that house for another minute, so I choose to dress for my volunteer position at the hospital. When my hair is dried and put up, I make my way down the stairs praying that I don't have another run-in with Edward. But, I wasn't fortunate to escape without it happening. A scene unfolds before my very eyes and it causes me to wish I was never born.

Hand in hand, he walks in the main door with a gorgeous tall skinny brunette. Somehow it kills me even more that she looks like me if I were ever thin and beautiful. I stop on the bottom stair. Edward's nose and lips are close enough to the girl's neck to grant it a kiss. He pauses and looks up to me and then keeps on walking towards his staircase while the girl giggles foolishly from his antics.

Not one word said to me before he disappears behind the door that heads towards his private quarters. Once again, I feel the tears want to unleash but as I attempt to control my breathing from the pain deep within my chest, I force myself to not give in.

He told me that he would sleep with other girls. This wasn't a surprise. But, his cruel intentions were the surprise as I know he was only doing this to get back at me for our earlier argument.

I rush outside and catch the driver still in the front of the house and jump into the car. I asked to go to the hospital, but hades be with me for what devilish plans I had in my mind. Plans that would most likely result in a separation from Edward when he came to learn of my whereabouts.

"You know what? Cancel the hospital," I said. "Take me into the city."

I see the pair of eyes in the rearview mirror look at me in shock for what I have requested. A subtle cough comes before what I already knew would be said.

"Are you sure about that, Miss Swan?"

"Yes, and if you are afraid of what Mr. Cullen would say or do, then drop me off at the bus stop near the hospital and he will never be the wiser."

I see as our driver wages a war within on what he should do. Eventually, he gives in and takes me past the hospital and towards the city. I feel a sense of adventure followed by a nagging feeling of guilt for what I was about to do. I feel foolish for my immature reaction to Edward and his present and future harem of girls. Anger for my ill-advised threats from earlier to cause this reaction from him.

The closer we get towards the city, the darker the sky turns as the sun begins its descent. A magnitude of lights greets me as we get near. My first sight of the new surroundings was a giant yellow 'M' placed on top of a small building with a red and yellow roof.

"What is that?" I asked curiously.

"Oh, that's just a McDonalds. It's a fast-food restaurant popular in these parts. You probably never had fast food before but a lot of lessers depend upon it because it sells cheap food that could feed a whole family if need be for less than a few coins."

I nod my head and then my eyes dart towards the left as I look out the opposite window. It seems like hundreds of lessers walking to and from their desired destinations. Cars appear to be a rarity. The colors of their skins are endless as are the shapes and sizes. People above a certain station all seemed to carry on the same look where I am from which is why I was considered undesirable but looking out at this community, I could blend in here. I imagine a world where no one cares about my weight or looks. I could be free here.

"I'm sorry, Miss but I'm not sure where you want me to leave you off at. Is there an address?"

I bite my lip. I have no idea where I should get out at?

"Oh…well…right here is good. I can get to where I am going from here."

He pulls over to the side and jumps out of the car to open my door for me. I see some people stop and gaze upon me as I step foot out onto the dirty sidewalk. My nose is immediately overtaken from all the different smells.

"Is there a time and place you would like me to pick you up at?"

That would probably be a good idea because heaven knows how I would get home.

"Um…how about here in two hours if that's not too much trouble," I replied.

I see the worry in his face, but he complies and gets back in the car to drive off. The moment he is gone it occurs to me that I have left my purse with my phone in the car. My brain a mess from the excitement.

"Good going, Bella," I mumbled under my breath.

Well, there isn't anything to do about it now. I look around and attempt to memorize my surroundings. I see the street signs and memorize the cross streets. Oaks and Olympic. I repeat those words several times before letting my feet begin their walk. I see the questioning looks in people's eyes as I pass. Even in my volunteer clothes, I am too fancy to blend in. I see a man coming up quickly as he attempts to weave his way through the throngs of people. Pushing and bumping his way through the masses not offering a small apology for putting others out but when he gets to me, he stops and nods his head in respect before letting me pass.

I guess Sam was right. No one would harm me because of fear of being sent to the white ward. I take comfort in that thought and begin to relax a little more. My walk takes me toward a brown high building that looked terribly rundown. A small park out in front of it is filled with children of all ages. Even though their equipment is dilapidated, they carry on with smiles and screams of joy as they play. I stop and stare at the scene before me and then move on.

I only have two hours and I want to make the most of my time because I doubt I will ever be granted the opportunity to come back unless Edward and I truly never make up from our fight and he throws me to the gutter as he has the power to do.

At that precise moment, I see what is awaiting me if I am thrown out. A small community of tents and about a hundred people weaving their way in and out. Fires that bring many together as they cook their dinners upon them. The smell of feces and urine permeated the air and I attempt to keep my face controlled as I don't want to offend.

Sure, the people look like they haven't been afforded a decent bath but even with all their outwardly struggles, they don't seem unhappy. The other sense of mine that is overwhelmed is my hearing. Music like nothing I have ever heard before blasts through the camp and I see a few people bobbing their heads to the tune.

I stand for far too long when a child comes up with his little hand opened to me. He wants a coin. Of course, he does, he seems to not have an ounce of fat on him and in a dire need for a decent meal.

"I'm sorry. I don't have anything," I apologized profusely. However, even if I had remembered to bring my purse, I never had the need to carry coins any longer as all I needed was to give was my name and they would send Edward the billing for any purchases I may have. I look down and see my bracelet on my wrist and unlatch it and hand it to the small boy. I hope he could at least fetch a decent price for it. He smiles and runs back off toward the camp.

I move along and continue on a few more blocks. The buildings all begin to blend together and suddenly I am nervous about finding my way back. My hand runs along with the smooth red brick as I walk down the street. Suddenly I pause when my hand begins to glide over a symbol of some sort. I see a scribble written on the brick in bright black paint. A backward 'R' in a diamond. I had heard about the art of graffiti and how it was popular a hundred years back, but I had always thought it would have been more beautiful. This symbol did not look beautiful. It felt like a warning.

"Bella?"

I jump in shock of hearing my name but when I see who is speaking, I instantly feel relief fill my body.

"Sam," I replied with a great big smile.

"What are you doing down here?"

I knew that he might worry if I told him that I was curious after our conversation, so I don't.

"It's a long story. Hey, you wouldn't happen to know where Oaks and Olympic is? I am supposed to meet my driver, but I seem to be turned around."

Sam looks around scratching his smooth chin while he thinks about it.

"Yeah…uh..sure, I will take you back."

"You don't need to do that. I don't want to put you out."

"No, you shouldn't be walking around here at this time of night. This isn't the best area."

I scrunched my forehead. "But you said that I would be safe since most people wouldn't harm someone like me for fear of being sent to the white ward."

Sam tilted his head and sighed, "Sure. Probably but there are some that could harm you because they are crazy, and the white ward hasn't picked them up yet. Crime is fairly low in the city for fear of incarceration but that doesn't mean that it never happens. A person in a dire situation would not let the fear rule them when they already have little left to lose. Let me just take you and maybe you can use that time to tell me how your curiosity brought you down here, to begin with."

We walked toward Oaks and Olympic, but I didn't tell Sam the true story of how I ended up in the city that night. Somehow, if his wife never found out of Edward's fleshly ways, it would be a miracle, but if she did then she could share that with him. I was not about to.

"Here we are. Oaks and Olympic."

"Yes, this is it," I confirmed. "I remember the yellow 'M' and our driver told me that it was a fairly popular restaurant."

Sam laughed and shook his head.

"Sorry, you just…your world is so glamorous and yet everyone from money seems so sheltered. You have no idea how the world is except for your little corners. It's a shame really. I feel bad for you."

I think my face must have said it all. Here we were expected to feel bad for the lessers. Well, I felt bad for the lessers. Knowing that they weren't afforded the same comforts that I had become accustomed to.

"I didn't mean you any offense. I would never dream of insulting you. You are about as kind as they come. My apologies, Bella."

I shook my head and waved him off.

"No, I understand. Everything I saw today was a surprise. It was truly an eye-opener. It's funny because, here I felt bad for lessers and yet, I wonder if I would fit in with this community far better than my own."

"Well, I wouldn't say that. It isn't all rainbows over here. Yes, people get along quite well and we all help our neighbor no matter how downtrodden they are. Something I wouldn't find much of on your side of the hill but we all struggle. Really struggle just to get by and afford basic necessities. Food. Soap. Water and decent health care. But, before you are transported back to your time and place, you have to let me buy you a meal."

His thumb pointed toward the yellow and red building with the 'M' on top.

"Oh, I couldn't let you do that. It wouldn't be right."

"Nonsense. You're in my city and it's only right. Besides, I can't wait to see your face when you try this. Your life may never be the same."

He put his arm around my shoulders and led me toward the building. Sam held the door when we walked in and I felt like I was transported to another dimension. My mouth opened involuntarily at all the lights and sounds.

Sam pulled out his wallet as I followed him towards the uniformed lesser. I could tell that she found it odd to see someone of my kind in there.

"Can we just get a number one."

I look up and see various pictures of the food. This place was unlike anything I had ever seen in my life. A smile covers my face when I see the trusty Coca Cola sign on the machine to my left. At least their drinks were the same.

After Sam pays, he hands me a cup to fill my drink and shows me how to use the contraption. I embarrassingly gasp as the cup fills. Sam shakes his head and goes to pick up the food. We walk towards some empty chairs and table and I am surprised that Sam must fetch his own food. No waiter or waitresses here to serve. How very odd.

"Okay, eat this and tell me that you would trade in all your highbrow society for another one of these bad boys."

He places a red box in front of me filled with French fries. I am a little surprised at his words because we had French fries where I lived. I pick one up and take a bite and he is right. Holy cow! That has to be the most amazing taste to ever come from my tongue.

Sam laughs at my face and reaches over to grab one.

"That is delicious."

"Yep, all that hard work from exercising will go straight to hell if you had one of these near your parts. Thank god, this will be the last time you come to the city."

I shrugged.

"I don't know. It has impressed me far too much to stay away. This fry proving that" I replied holding up the yellow long narrow stick.

"I doubt your fiancé will let you come to these parts once he has heard of your expedition today. You'll be lucky if he doesn't keep you under lock and key."

I feel my face blush. Edward has proved that he could be a little quick to anger so I wouldn't put him past it to find a way to make my life miserable doing as Sam predicted. With each taste of the fries, I feel like my freedom is diminishing.

I thank Sam for the meal, but my mind is on Edward and his overzealous reactions. I hope that he is still in the dark over my current whereabouts. Edward is so good at reading my face, I will have to work extra hard to pull off this lie.

My time is up so I walk back towards where I am supposed to meet the driver. I wonder if I will have to bribe him to keep his silence. I see the lights coming my way and I know that it is my driver since no car has passed me since we arrived at these cross streets.

The streets have fewer people on them now. I feel bad for making Sam wait with me, but I am happy for his kindness to do so. The car stops a few feet in front of me and before the lights are turned off, I see the back door open and Edward jumps out.

So much for keeping this adventure secret.


	14. Chapter 14

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

The smile fades from Sam's face the moment his eyes make contact with Edward's. Usually, I would look away fearing what I might find in those eyes of his, but this time, I don't. It's not because I feel brave. In fact, by the look on Edward's face, it brings far little comfort for my future, but I have trouble not looking away. I must know. What is Edward going to say? What is Edward going to do to me?

"I'm Sam Uley, Emily's husband. Emily, your housemaid…" Sam clarified, in case Edward was the type to not take the time to remember his servants' names. "I found Bella and wanted to make sure she made it home safely."

Edward hasn't looked at me once. His eyes are trained and focused on Sam while he decides an appropriate reaction. I can hear the trepidation in Sam's voice. Most likely he is worried that Edward would believe something sinister is going on between the two of us and doesn't want Edward to use his influence over the state to cause him problems.

Edward slowly moves to hold out his hand. Sam, a little surprised, walked forward a couple of paces and shakes it.

"Thank you for looking after Isabella. I'm not quite sure what would cause her to venture out this way, but I am relieved to see you have provided her safe passage. Your kindness and time will not go unrewarded." Edward turned and finally looked to me, "Should we get on home, Isabella?"

Edward holds out a hand to me, and it is clear he is back to playing his role. From the worry I feel, I nearly forget we have an acting job to do. I turn and give Sam a small smile and thank-you before reaching out to take Edward's hand. He leads me back to the car where the driver is waiting with my door opened.

I slide in, as Edward walks around the car, his out-of-place shiny shoes clicking on the pavement before he enters the vehicle and takes his seat next to me. My heart begins to race while I wait for the wrath, but nothing comes. We ride the whole way back to the house in silence. Every so often, I catch the driver's eyes looking at me in the rear-view mirror. I try and wager a glance with my peripheral at Edward, but I can't see his face as it is turned away from me while he stares out the window.

I begin to go over what I plan to say when we get back home. I know this war will be worse than any we've ever fought before. I can stand up to him one last time knowing that ultimately, it will be up to him to decide what my fate should be. I could stand down and hope for mercy; make another promise that I will be good and do everything he asks of me. I feel my chest tighten as I remember the giggling girl going up the stairs with Edward, and I know I can't do this anymore. I can't live my life married to a man who will entertain countless women while every one of them kills a piece of my soul.

I feel a tear slide down my cheek as I now know what I must say. I will tell Edward the truth. Tell him I am not the kind of girl who can sit by and watch him live his life the way he feels he must. I don't care if he makes me a gutter baby. After tonight, I know it would be a welcome tradeoff; better than enduring the humiliation of his actions, as I would be expected to do.

The car pulls into the driveway and around the circle, and I quickly brush my tears aside and move to get out of the car before our driver has a chance to open the door. Edward jumps out once he sees my hasty exit and is quick on my heels. I don't acknowledge him, but he knows I am aware of him following closely behind.

I walk through the door and towards the living room that I hardly spend any time in. I don't want this war to happen in the entry room. Too many gaudy vases have already paid the price for our fighting. No need to have more heavy glass objects on standby begging to be thrown.

"Bella, what were you thinking going into the city? And at night of all times! Were you searching for the very best way to piss me off?" Edward begins even though I haven't even stopped.

I turn around, and it seems as if his batteries have been refueled from the way he was acting in the car.

"I wanted to see it for myself. And I'm glad I went. There is something beautiful from every sight I witnessed this evening, and if it is to be my future, then I say…I'm ready for it."

"Your future?" he sneered.

"Yes." I gulped. I brush my hair out of my face with a shaky hand. "As you said, you have the power to take it all away. Go ahead, Edward. Toss me out. Disgrace my family name. But after tonight, I will not marry you. You can't make me say those vows before God no matter what my father has signed. And I won't live in the marriage you have offered me. I may not be worth much, but I am worth something and that something cannot…no! No. I will not stand by and watch as you find the next person to warm your bed, which is not me."

He looks away from me, unable to bear witness to my tears. His hands are balled up into tight fists. He finally turns and walks toward the window, still unable to face me. I stand, wondering what he will say. What decree he will make that will end my time here. I briefly think of the look on my mother's face when they tell her she is no longer welcome to Court at Kensington; the fury and wrath she will rain down on me if she ever finds me.

"I have nothing to lose," I begin softly. "You were once my friend. My true friend. I loved you, Edward Cullen. Even when you avoided me…and left, I never stopped thinking about you. I thought I could marry you because having a small part of you was better than nothing at all. Or so I believed. But watching you tonight, knowing you slept with that girl. I saw the look in your eyes. You weren't doing it to fill a need. You did it to hurt me because you knew how I felt about you," I cried.

Vulnerable but feeling braver, I walked to him and made him look at me.

"Didn't you?"

He is angry. His eyes filled with rage, but instead of screaming or yelling at me, he breaks.

"Yes, I did it to hurt you," He whispered.

He shakes, attempting to keep it in.

"You hurt me with your words, so I wanted to pay you back for it. And so help me I wanted to fuck her but…I couldn't go through with it."

My mouth drops a little, and I take a slight step back.

"I wanted to. Even got the girl undressed, but I knew my intentions were pure evil. As angry as you made me…make me, with your torturous words, I knew you didn't deserve what I had planned. So, I made her redress and called for Seth to come and pick her up. Funny thing is, if I had gone through with it, I might never have known you had gone to the city. Seth said he would be there, but it would take him longer than it should. When he finally broke and disclosed where you had gone, I nearly lost it. I was so angry with you and him that I nearly set a plan to see Seth taken by the authorities to the white ward."

"No!" I exclaimed. "Edward, you can't do that."

Edward shook his head and nearly growled.

"I know. It would have changed me completely to be the kind of man to lie and sentence a man to that place for possibly the rest of his life. But, you should have never put him in that position, to begin with. Again, I ask you, what were you thinking? You were mad at me, I understand, but to put yourself in danger for the sake of getting back at me? How can I ever trust you again? How can I not put someone on you at all times to keep you from making idiotic choices?"

I feel my body deflate when I should be preparing my defense, but so much has been said that I already feel drained and unable to cooperate further. I can see in Edward's eyes, however, I would not be leaving this room until I answer all his questions.

"It really wasn't all that dangerous. Truly. Every person was respectful and didn't cause me harm or confrontation. I don't understand why we shouldn't go to the city. It offers so much that we are missing."

"Oh, Bella! Stop it. You spent a small amount of time there. You don't know the first thing about those city streets. It was fortunate you found your friend or else you could have been hurt. Hell, you could have been killed."

"No, I don't believe so. Everyone is too scared of the ramifications. I doubt crime is very high, and why would anyone want to kill me? There is no reason to want to hurt me."

Edward grabs hold of my shoulders and shakes me, "Because you are of a higher class; and they are not as innocent as you may believe. You are completely ignorant, Bella. You think you know enough to take your chances going down to the city, but you don't know anything! There is unrest there. A slow but quiet rebellion gathering steam, and it would take the wrong person for you to cross paths with for them to pull you away and god only knows what they would do to you. You will not be going back there, or I swear I will do far worse than throw you in the gutter. Call me a tyrant and tell me I am not the friend you once had, but I care more about you than anyone else … including your precious Jacob!"

He lets go of me, and thankfully, I am stunned into silence since it seems my words carry cause to bury me when used in a war with Edward.

I want to fight him and believe he doesn't have this power over me, but I am not as idiotic as he believes I am. I take a step back and another until the back of my legs meet the couch. I slowly drop down to sit and place my face in my hands. Once again, Jacob was somehow thrown into this mess. Fitting, since it was Jacob that caused our unrest.

"Jacob is not your enemy, and yet it seems he is the cause of our fighting." I shake my head slowly. "If it really means that much to you, I won't have relations with Jacob. I will keep my connection completely professional. This is a promise I can make you if…if you can keep your engagements out of this house and away from my sight. Don't ever use them against me again; at least give me that respect."

I don't know if I ever felt lower. It would drive me wild to wonder every time Edward came home late to picture the girl he was with. I shut my eyes tightly and tell myself I can do this. When I open them, Edward is standing in front of me.

He slowly drops down and kneels in front of me.

"I promise...as long as we are married…I won't sleep with another."

My eyes widened at his declaration, and suddenly, I cannot control my tears. I cannot fathom why he would make this promise to me. As I understood it, men have a very hard time going without sexual gratification. My mother, while explaining intercourse to me a couple of years back, said it was our duty to please our husbands for this reason.

"And you are worth more than you know."

His hands are on the arms of the chair, and he pulls himself up. His face meets mine. My mouth opens, and he is there meeting my lips. There is no one around to put on a show for. He kisses me for the first time because he wants to kiss me. Not for practice. Not for show. My head melts into the back of the couch, my expected, ladylike posture forgotten. My breathing quickens along with my heart, but my arms are as stiff as a corpse, afraid of what they might do if I lose all sanity.

Edwards has one hand on my face as he deepens the kiss, while his other hand comes around to my back slowly guiding me down to lay on the couch. Within seconds, I feel his weight on top of mine. Hades be with me as my legs open to allow him space, and I nearly choke with pleasure when I feel him push against me…down there. I let out a sound that should embarrass me, but he makes no sound of disgust or laughter. Instead, he pushes more. I feel the bulge in his pants pressing on my sensitive area. Our kiss breaks, and his lips pick back up along my neck.

Unsure of what I should do, my body is tense. I want to give in to each and every touch, but my mind is in overdrive. Edward's hands travel down toward my chest. His fingers dance magically over my shirt. I wonder how amazing it would feel if I were unclothed. Giving in to the sensations, my body relaxes until I feel his hand come up under my shirt and touch my belly fat.

"Edward!"

He gasps and pulls back immediately. I can see it in his eyes; like he awoke from a spell; he realized what he was doing or better yet, who he was doing it to.

"I'm sorry," he apologizes scrambling off me and to the floor.

I sit up and stutter for words. For once I am at a complete loss.

"No…I'm sorry. I…I…don't want you to make a mistake you would…feel nauseous for later."

I pull my shirt down and attempt to cross my arms over my stomach, wishing I could put a pillow in front to hide myself. Edward's fingers dance on his lips while he ponders his next move.

"You have nothing to apologize for. Please don't think I find you unattractive because that is a lie that even my lips can't say." He sits down next to me on the couch and keeps enough distance between us to ensure we don't do something sinful. "Bella, you were so truthful tonight; you told me things you were afraid to say. You honestly should be rewarded in kindness. The truth is…I don't know what I can offer you. I do feel attraction for you. I care for you. But, you deserve so much more than I am offering. You're a good person. I just wish someone out there could see what I see. Someone who deserves you. I am not that person."

His words are a puzzle. I don't know what I should think or how I should feel with his declaration. They bring me warmth but once again, he has made it clear he could never think more of me than he already does. So, where does this leave us?

"I had this friend back in England, James. He and I had similar situations. We used to think about what we would do when we received our inheritance. We had all these dreams of bumming around South America and pretending we were a lesser…anything to get away from the duty and obligations our parents placed on us. I'm not ready to get married. I'm only eighteen. However, it was the stipulation set down by my grandfather in order to receive his money. If you really don't want to marry me…then I'll be okay, Bella. I worry about you, though. I don't know what a broken engagement would do to your family. How your mother could be any worse, but I'm sure she would rise to the occasion. Like I said, I won't have relations while we are married. I hope you will reconsider and say your vows…so I can keep you safe from your family."

I worried about that too. I knew if this engagement broke, I would need to do everything in my power to disappear. My mother would scour the earth to find me, and my sister may be hot on her heels to do the same. Silly me that my mind wandered in a different direction. I should be thinking about this arrangement, and yet I can't stop my focus from thinking back to the sensations I just experienced. If it felt this amazing with my clothes on, what could it feel like if I was brave enough to not have stopped Edward?

"Bella," Edward says my name in warning. My whole face is flushed, and I look away from him, embarrassed by my dark thoughts.

"I thought I should apologize for my forwardness, but I wonder from the look on your face if that is necessary," Edward teased.

"Be quiet," I hissed.

He takes my hand and moves closer.

"It's okay, Bella. I know you were probably fed many lies growing up that those feelings you just experienced were sinful, but sex isn't a horrible thing. It is a gift. One…I would still like to show you if you were open to it."

My face wouldn't calm. I bite my lip and seal my mouth shut and attempt to think of something ghastly to keep me from my thoughts. There were so many things I should have said, rather than what I said next.

"When," I whispered.

Edward squeezed my hand and shrugged his shoulder slightly.

"Whenever you are ready."

My body screamed, 'I'm ready now!' but I knew losing my greatest gift on the couch would be ill-advised. Plus, I need the special sheet from my mother. If we were going to do this, we should do it right. I should stop thinking with my wicked mind.

"Tomorrow?" I asked.

Edward laughed, and I felt silly for speaking so quickly.

"Are you sure you're ready?"

"I'm sorry," I shook my head and looked away. "You're right. It was stupid…"

"No, Bella." He reached over to take my other hand, so he had them both securely in his own. "If you are ready now, then, I'm ready. I just want to make sure this is what you want."

I can't think. My heart is beating so fast, and my privates are pulsating from my thoughts. I want to do this now, but I know once it is done, it can't be undone. We need the Confirmation sheet. I can wait to retrieve it from my mother.

"Tomorrow…I will be ready tomorrow."

"Tomorrow night then. Why don't you go and get some sleep?"

He releases my hands, and I stand, feeling my feet wobble a little. I quickly leave, afraid of embarrassing myself further. But, I find the anticipation has done absolutely nothing for my will to sleep. I toss and turn all night long. By the next morning, when it came time for my session with Jacob, I barely can make it down the stairs to tell him that I just can't see him today; that I am overwhelmed with sickness. Jacob looks down but caresses my cheek and tells me he will be back the next morning. I wonder if I will be able to see him the next morning after the events of tonight, but I will leave that worry for tomorrow.

It's odd, though. Yesterday, I couldn't get enough of Jacob and his tiny shorts. Today, I am relieved he is gone. A long shower and my private areas still hum with the knowledge of what is to come. I dress impeccably for my trip to see my parents. I have not been back to my house since I left. I wonder what my mother will say. How she will act now that she has everything she ever wanted.

Seth pulls the car to the porch stairs and hops out to come around to my side to open the door. Mrs. Cope is already standing on the top of the porch steps, greeting me with a warm smile on her face and bounce in her step. The minute I am out of the car, she is down the steps and pulling me into a hug.

"Oh, we miss you terribly around here. How is life up at the big house?"

I laughed.

"Well…it could stand to be better, but I can hardly complain. Although I do miss your famous ice-tea."

Her face lights up, and she replied, "I'll be sure to send you home with some."

I squeeze her hand, "That would be lovely. Is my mother around?"

I hoped she would say no. I knew where the sheet was, so it wasn't necessary to see my mother, but luck would not be on my side.

"Yes, just inside. She is trying on hats she just ordered. I tell you, the more money that woman has the worse her fashion sense gets."

I laughed and shake my head along with Mrs. Cope. Even though the comment would be grounds for dismissal, Mrs. Cope was never afraid to speak her mind.

I walked in, and the house hadn't changed at all, which was a bit of a surprise since I believed my mother, with her new expense account, would run out and redecorate the first moment that money landed in her lap.

I hear the grandfather clock begin to chime alerting me it was nearly one. I say nearly, because that damn old clock was always off by ten minutes. A stack of boxes line the hall, and I find my mother trying on her ostentatious hats in our first-floor bathroom.

"Hello, Mother," I said softly wondering what reception I might receive from this woman.

"Bella." Her face lights up, and she models her new hat for me. "You like it? It's positively dreamy. Ostrich feathers from France."

I wondered what difference it made that the ostrich was from France as opposed to an ostrich that was born and bred here. Either way, I don't think it helped make her hat look any less silly. But I didn't want to quarrel with my mother, so I smiled and nodded.

"Looks nice."

"Oh Bella, Kensington is everything your sister said it was. Don't you just find it lovely and fitting?"

I shrugged. "I…haven't been there more than the one time but I liked the bathrooms."

My mother looked appalled, but she waved me off, "That's right. Court was always lost on the likes of you."

I sighed and tried to remain calm but once again, but my words get the better of me.

"All the time you wanted me to waste at Court in hopes of training me to be a proper lady so a man may look my way. It was all for nothing, as I landed the very best man without even having to go to the trouble."

My mom places her hat back in the box before turning to look at me. She no longer seems happy to see me.

"What do you want, Bella?"

She shouldn't speak to me with disrespect. I wager whether I want to give her a lesson on how she should talk to me, but I decide to focus on getting what I came here for.

"I need the Confirmation sheet."

Her mouth drops a little before turning into a wicked grin.

"You haven't said your vows yet. Why don't we wait until the time is right? No need to worry about giving into temptations. After all, what would God say to you if you gave up your greatest gift before you gave your word to him."

"I don't care what you think God would say. This is not a request, and as your superior, I suggest you give me what I demand, or I will not say any vows, and you will fall back down to obscurity. Okay, Mother?" I asked sweetly with a smile on my face.

Her face says everything she wants to say but cannot. Stiffly, she walks towards the living room where her hope chest is and opens it to pull out the linen bag with my requested item.

"Just because you can tell me what to do does not mean I am not your mother. If you have sex before you say your vows, the only thing you will receive from God is a one-way ticket to hell. I hope it's worth it."

I pull the bag from out of her tight grasp and replied, "And what will God give you for how you treated me? Why don't you worry about your own salvation for once?"

I knew it would be a difficult task to see my mother again, but I didn't know how difficult. I hated that her words had a way to impact and poison my mind. The linen bag resting in my lap felt like it was burning my legs. A warning for what eternity might bring me if I go through with my plans this evening. I shake my head, trying to rid my mother's warnings from my mind. Her words might be warranted if I had decided to go through with carrying on relations with Jacob while married to Edward, but, I was losing my virginity to a man I loved who was going to be my husband. I doubt God cared about a couple of months.

Now I could see why Alice wanted to make a quick wedding season. For the first time, I had prospects on pleasure, and I grappled with the thought of giving in to my primal needs too soon.

I could have sex tonight.

I am going to have sex tonight.

Sex. Sex. Sex.

I clench my legs together to help with the uncomfortable feeling. The linen bag falls off my lap. I snatch it back up and hold it to my chest.

I am resolved.

Get out of my head, mother.

I will lose my virginity tonight!


	15. Chapter 15

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

I could not let my afternoon be spent in indecision. Knowing the impact my mother's words could have, I would end up with a stomachache if I sat at home waiting for tonight. After leaving my parent's house, I asked Seth to drive me to Alice and Jasper's. I didn't want to tell Alice about my plans, but I thought she could be a welcomed distraction.

Her maid opened the door and welcomed me inside. Alice hadn't been at this residence long, but already she had made changes, and I liked the way everything felt warm and inviting. Not like a museum; the way Edward's grandfather's mansion felt.

Alice launches herself in my direction, which took me by surprise since normally, she did not feel the need to do such things. "Bella!" Alice's speedy little feet click on her hard floor as they raced my way. "Edward told me what you did. How could you be so brainless going into the city? And by yourself? You could have been hurt or worse. You're lucky my brother didn't have the good sense to smack you. I have half a mind to smack you myself!"

I took a slight step back; fearful she would make good on her word; her eyes angry while she waited for an explanation.

"It really wasn't that awful. I'm sure Jasper could back me up and tell you the city isn't as scary as everyone wants you to believe."

Alice sighed and shook her head in dismay. She took my hand and walked me over toward the sitting room. Her maid rolled in a cart with hot tea to share while we talked.

"I don't even know where to begin. It was like an adventure. So many people of all shapes, sizes, and colors; I never felt freer in my life. Don't get me wrong, the smell is something that might be off-putting at first, but once you become accustomed to it, it isn't so bad. There was a playground for children to run around in, and oh, don't let me forget to tell you about the French fries I ate. You've never tasted something so heavenly in all your life. You must have Jasper procure some on his next trip."

Alice looked concerned. She sipped her tea and was not taking my story the way I thought she would.

"I don't think Jasper will be traveling into the city for some time. There have been issues arising, and until it is safe, he promised he would steer clear, and I hope you will do the same."

I sat back, forgetting my posture.

"I really don't believe it is all that bad. I mean…of course, there were signs of poverty. I knew that was to be unavoidable, but even in the lesser gutter camps, they all seemed happy. Cooking their food and listening to…odd music. There was a small boy who came up requesting a coin, but since I didn't have any, I gave him my bracelet. It was a small token, but hopefully, it helped."

"You shouldn't have done that Bella," Alice scolded.

"Why? I don't understand what is so wrong with wanting to experience other cultures and pull my head out of the sand to look up and see what is around us."

Alice set down her cup.

"Because that poor boy will probably be charged with stealing. Think about it, Bella. He goes to try and get food with your gift, and they will wonder where he was able to come up with something so pricy. They could throw him into the white ward, and it would be all your fault."

I slumped down in my chair, feeling as if she just smacked me across the face. I hadn't even thought of it that way. What if Alice was right? What if I doomed that child with my small act of kindness? Alice saw my heartbreak and quickly came to sit next to me.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you, but I don't want you to get hurt. You shouldn't go into the city. Jasper's family has been dealing with issues that are arising. Please promise me you will never go back there. I don't know what I would do if something happened."

I see her eyes beg me for my vow. She is on the verge of tears. I don't understand this unrest I keep hearing about. But this is Alice, and I trust her more than anyone, so I agree.

"Now, why don't we talk about something more pleasant and far more fun," she lights up and dismisses our serious conversation. She looks at me like I should know about what she is referring to. I begin to wonder just what Edward said to her. He wouldn't share our plans with his twin, would he?

"Your Blessing Celebration?"

I let go of the breath I didn't know I was holding.

"Oh, that. Yes. Um…sure."

Alice eyes me, wondering what I could have thought she meant, but she waves her hand and pushes on.

"So, what were you thinking about for a theme? I was wondering about roses? I know you and Edward shared that first kiss in the rose garden. I thought it would be lovely to bring in hundreds of light pink and white roses. Light pink for your gentleness and white for your purity."

Thank God, I wasn't sipping my tea when she said that. I nearly choked on my spit but thankfully was able to play it off very well.

"Um…that sounds…lovely."

Alice squealed and clapped her hands.

"Gianna! Please bring my Notebook in here."

Her maid showed up a minute later, carrying Alice's pink computer. She opened it and began to tap away at the keys while she took a few notes. Alice was just about to push for details when we were interrupted.

"Good afternoon. Alice…" Edward pauses when his eyes reach mine, and he added softly, "Bella."

"Good afternoon," I mumbled. Suddenly it felt warm. I worried my face would give me away. Edward looked good today. Far too good. I wondered if he usually looked that handsome, or perhaps my mind was playing tricks on me knowing what was to come.

"What are you doing here?" Alice asked.

Edward and Alice begin to quarrel with one another. Edward came over and plopped himself on the couch. He looked as if he was trying to remain casual. Almost as if we were all sitting around the way we did when we were children, but this time, I found his presence to be uncomforting. He tries to act innocent with his uninvited attendance. Alice figures since he crashed our time she might as well ask him about his thoughts on the Blessing Celebration.

I, however, haven't heard a word being said as I had trouble shaking the dirty images from my mind. The night before, with him pressed up against me, and then, every word my mother told me a few years back when she explained the mechanics of what I was planning to do later that night.

My mind drifts to that summer when my mother sat me down and explained to me my wedding night.

"Someday, you will have a duty to perform for your husband. He will expect you to lie down in a bed with him and make a baby. It will be most uncomfortable. Sexual relations are something that happen when you are married. If you attempt to have relations before marriage, it is a sin that God does not look favorably upon. Your husband will know what to do. Lay on your back and open your legs and the rest will follow."

"What will follow, Mother?"

"Your husband will push himself into you. It could hurt but try not to cry or complain as that will make your husband most upset. He needs to concentrate. It could feel good, but that is unlikely, especially if you are not married. The weight of the sin will overwhelm you. However, if you are in God's good graces, you will be rewarded with a baby. One that will hopefully bring honor to your family and one day may help you rise in your station and help keep you there when you are older. Understand?"

I remember nodding even though I was more confused than I have ever been. Instead, I decided to go and ask Alice for her thoughts on sexual relations. She was far more helpful, even though she scared me a little with her words.

"Sexual relations? Wow, your mom is so old fashioned. What do you want to know?"

"Well, she said my husband will push into me. Push what? I am so confused."

Alice began to laugh.

"No wonder you are confused. Sit down. Let me tell you how it works."

I took a seat next to her on the couch, and she took a deep breath with this giddy, far-off look before turning to me.

"Okay, so when you get married, on your wedding night, you will get naked and so will he. He has a penis, which is like this gardening hose attached to his body right here," she explained patting below her stomach near her privates.

"Gardening hose?" I asked.

"Well, I've never seen one myself, but my mother said it was like a gardening hose filled with seed to fill your waterbeds. Apparently, their penis is supposed to go into our vagina. He pushes it in and out. In and out. Until there is this explosion and his seed is sent deep up inside you where an egg is waiting to make a baby."

"Oh, God! Do you think it will hurt?" I asked in fear.

"What? No!" Alice brushed it off. "In fact, I walked by my parents' room one night, and I heard my mom screaming,"

"Screaming in pain?" I asked.

"No. Screaming…more. More!" Alice shrugged her shoulders. "Maybe she wanted more seed to make another baby. Although I can't imagine such a thing at her age; it would be irresponsible. But she didn't sound like she didn't like it. I think she liked it a lot. I can't wait. Oh, Bella. I can't wait until I am eighteen!"

"I think I can."

"Bella. Bella."

Edward gently shakes me from my recollections. Alice is looking at me with worry in her eyes.

"I'm sorry. I must be tired." I hoped that excuse would hold.

"Maybe we should get you home. You had an eventful day yesterday, and you should probably rest before dinner," Edward said, rising from the couch. He holds his hand out to me. An innocent gesture but one I can tell Alice caught. Her mouth closes tight as if she had a bird trapped inside and was afraid she would let loose with one more word from it.

I take Edward's offer and stand, as he places his hand on my back to escort me out. I step into the car and pick up the linen bag and hold it on my lap. Edward slides in beside me and looks down.

"Is that it?" he asked.

I nod, unable to answer him properly.

"Did you see your mother? Speak to her?"

I held the bag to my stomach and sighed.

"You want to tell me about it?"

I shook my head.

"Bella, are you sure you want to do this? I can wait. We can wait."

I look over to him and shake my head. "I don't want to wait." I then look out my window and add, "I don't think my mother will ever love me. I don't know why I thought that marrying you might change her view of me. I was ignorant for believing I could ever hold her favor. But, I'm tired of being afraid of the lies she spins. Taking her words to heart…I am stronger than she knows."

Edward's hand met mine, and he gave it a gentle squeeze.

"Let's have a nice dinner together. I asked Emily to prepare something special. I know you've been doing well on your diet, but I thought maybe you could let it go for just tonight. I asked that they prepare the mushroom ravioli you always loved."

Our car stopped in front of Edward's grandfather's mansion, but we didn't get out even though Seth had the doors opened and waiting.

"Thank you, Edward. That sounds lovely. I will be down at seven."

He nods, and then I see how nervous he is. Nervous about tonight? I'm not sure. He leans over and kisses me on the head.

"I will see you tonight."

I hold my linen bag tightly to my chest and exit the car. Edward and I walk through the entry room with the gaudy vases, and he goes to his staircase while I go to mine. I feel relief wash through me the moment I am in my room and away from him. I am nervous and need some time alone. I walk towards the bed and pull off the satin cover. I sit and open the linen bag and pull out the white sheet.

My fingers begin to run over the embossed embroidery my mother stitched so many years before. Lovely flowers and a bible verse ran along the edge.

Hebrews 13:4 Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.

My eyes can't seem to focus on anything else but the passage. I slowly stand and turn towards the bed. I shake the sheet out and lay it down. Frozen like a statue, I look upon the bed that Edward and I will share in just a few precious hours. My hand goes to my stomach, and I cringe, wondering how I will make it through this with Edward when he touches my fatty flesh. Over and over, I picture his face cringing as he pushes his gardening hose into my waterbeds.

The stress of the events has overwhelmed me, so I go and take a long bath. I lay beneath the depts of the water, staring at my body and wishing God would hear my prayer to grant me a beautiful one for just one night. But I know God would never honor such a request. Why would he help the damned?

I run the soap up and down myself. I want to smell lovely even if I don't look appealing to my fiancé. I finish my bath and return to my bed, where the confirmation sheet mocks me. The bible verse taunts me. I pull off the offending sheet and ball it up and toss it back to a nearby chair. I can't do this. I can't have sex with that damn sheet touching my body. It would feel like damnation's fire upon my back.

Damn my mother. Damn her for taking this away from me. Something I hoped for my entire life. To lose my virginity to the man I loved. I am so indecisive about what I should do, and I don't think dinner with Edward will make it an easier decision.

Seven o'clock comes around, and I sit on my bed and watch as the clock hands change. I wonder what Edward will think when I don't show up for dinner. Will he come to look for me, or will he take my absence as a sign that I am not ready. If he comes, I will have sex with him. If he doesn't, then I won't. Leave my future up to him. That is what's best.

I hold my breath as I watch the minutes tick by, and I nearly jump out of my skin when I hear the soft knock on my door. Nothing follows, so I know it is not one of the maids. They always announce their presence.

"Bella," he says softly.

I clear my throat and reply nearly as soft as his own tone, "come in."

I am wrapped in a satin sheet sitting on my bed trembling when Edward pushes the door open and walks inside the room.

"I'm sorry. I thought we were having dinner first. I have wine. A French Bordeaux. The very best. I know you don't drink often, but I thought it would take the edge off…"

His rambling makes me want to laugh. I feel better knowing that he is nearly as nervous as I am.

"Will you come and sit here with me?" I asked.

He nods as he walks over and takes a seat near me but not touching.

"I'm sorry. I want to do this. I really do, but my mother…" I shake my head, embarrassed. "She said some things. I hate to say that it is messing with my head more than I care to admit. And if I were to be completely honest, I'm afraid I have no idea what I am supposed to do other than the very ambiguous description my mother gave or the somewhat terrifying explanation from your sister."

Edward laughed slightly.

"Well, first of all, Alice doesn't know a damn thing so please try not to listen to her. Secondly, your mother would try and scare the dickens out of you. I remember when she used to care for my sister and me, she would say that touching my privates would be a road that would lead me to Hell. I was only seven, and I swear my mother was so angry at me for peeing all over the bathroom that summer because I was terrified to touch my penis even when I went to urinate."

I joined his laughter with my own, already feeling better. When we were through, he placed his hand on my covered thigh.

"Bella, I have no problem if you aren't ready for this but please don't let your mother be the reason. I have experience. More than I'm sure you would appreciate. A lot of what your mother said, I'm sure is a lie. As far as the whole Hell and God stuff, I have no idea, but I find that if she really believed in what the Bible said, she wouldn't treat you with such disrespect. Sex is a good thing. It is very pleasurable. I will make sure it feels good to you. It would be useless for me to tell you not to be nervous. You're going to be nervous, and I can't promise that it won't hurt or feel uncomfortable at first, but I will promise you, once you relax, it will feel amazing. And if there is any time when you want to stop or end it, just say so, and I will stop. Okay?"

I slowly breathe out and nod my head. My eyes look over to the wadded-up confirmation sheet while I weigh the choice in my head. I look down and see Edward's hand on my thigh and then slowly lay down clutching the satin sheet to my chest.

"Do you mind if I…keep the sheet?" I asked, embarrassed.

Edward shakes his head slowly and stands up from the bed. He begins to undress, placing his clothes on the bench at the foot of my bed. I stare up at the ceiling and try to tell myself to relax, but it is fruitless. My body is humming in hopes that my mouth doesn't say something to cause Edward to stop.

Edward joins me on the bed, lying beside me. I open my legs as my mother instructed me and close my eyes. I expect Edward will push into me but instead, his hand travels up along the inside of my leg, and I tremble; my nerves completely overwhelming me. I close my eyes, unable to look at the face Edward must be making from touching my blubbery thighs.

I feel the shift of his weight on the bed, and I know it is coming. The sheet is moved aside, and a cool rush of air hits my privates. My hands still grasp the sheet to my chest, but I nearly jump when I feel Edward's mouth kissing along my inner thigh.

"It's okay, Bella. Just relax and allow yourself to feel the pleasure," Edward whispers, holding my legs in place.

I nod but still have my eyes shut.

His fingers travel up and down until they reach my birthmark. I nearly forgot about it until he comments.

"You have a birthmark in the shape of a crescent moon. It's beautiful, Bella."

"Uh huh…that or…it's kind of weird."

He kisses it and then his lips are on my most private area. He is licking me and moaning, and his moans make me squirm for the unnatural feelings it causes. My body moves to try to resist the sensation, but Edward doesn't relent. His hands move up to my stomach and a tear forms in the corner of my eye. I just wished that for one night, I could be what Edward Cullen deserved. Suddenly, I wonder if I should have waited until I had a proper body, but it's too late. Edward has felt the very worst parts of me.

My hands let go of the sheet, and I quickly wipe the tear away before he has a chance to see it and stop. I need to go through with this. If I don't, it might never happen. Or worse, happen with someone other than Edward.

Once again, his weight shifts, and like the night before, I feel the weight of his body on mine, but this time, we are without clothes. My legs open a little wider, and I feel the…garden hose that Alice described pushing on me.

"Open your eyes," Edward requested.

I do as he asked, praying they aren't filled with wayward tears. His hand moves to my hair, and he pulls me in for a deep kiss. His tongue is inside my mouth while he pushes himself into me. I can't even worry about the pain or discomfort I am supposed to feel because my mind is lost in his kiss.

He moves slowly, and after a little time passes, I finally give in and let go. His hand moves to my chest, where he massages my breasts through the sheet. I forget myself so much that I don't even realize my hands have moved to his hair as I pull him closer.

We let go of our kiss, and I gasp and moan. His motions are quicker and gaining a faster rhythm, and suddenly I find myself saying, "more. More."

I now know what Mrs. Cullen wanted. It feels as if it will never be enough…that Edward could never go deep enough. My legs wrap around him, and the sheet be damned, as it is nowhere to be found. I am naked for all the world to see and I do mean all the world because Edward is everything I could ever want or need. I don't ever want him to stop. He was right. Far more pleasurable than my mind could ever grasp.

"So beautiful, Bella."

I want to believe that Edward said those words to me, but I am so lost in pleasure that I know my mind must have made them up.

Edward's lips have returned to my neck. He seems to be whispering something, but suddenly, I am flying. I feel free. Unembarrassed. Unashamed. The sensations completely overwhelm me, and for a few moments, I fear I might have gone deaf. Even though Edward is still moving inside me, I lay there in awe.

My head looks over to the confirmation sheet on the chair. Send me straight to Hell if need be, because I would gladly go if I could do that even one more time.


	16. Chapter 16

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

Sex is…unsettling.

One moment, I feel as if I could die, go to hell for my sinful ways and be completely fine with it. Wanting more. Wishing to have another go but then it's over. Edward pulls out and lays down, his body not touching mine. I hear him slow his breathing while my hand creeps to the side to pull the forgotten sheet slowly across my body. I'm afraid to move. To say a word because I'm not sure what he is feeling. Does he want more as I do? Is he lying there wondering how he can escape? Does he wish to scrub his body from my touch?

I don't know what to do.

He softly clears his throat and moves. Once again, the sheet is clutched tightly to my body. My eyes shut tight, so he has the opportunity to go without me bearing witness to his indecency.

"Bella?"

I nearly jump at his voice.

"Are you okay, Bella?"

My eyes open, and I look over to him. He leans up onto his arm, and his face is full of concern. I nod, but I'm not sure how convincing I am.

"Are you sure?"

I cough slightly to clear my throat.

"Yes," I whispered. "I'm sorry. Did you need something?"

He looks confused. "I just want to make sure you are okay. I don't want to leave here if you are going to cry because you wish you would have waited. Did I hurt you? You should probably take a bath…"

"No, you didn't hurt me. I…uh…it felt good."

Too good. I can already feel myself tingling at the thought of more. Now I know why my mother said this act would send me straight to hell because it felt like the time I was drinking that beer. I wanted another one. Even though it tasted vile, I wanted more because I liked how the beer made me feel. I wasn't sure if Edward would ever want to have sex with me again, but I could suddenly see myself doing sinful things to a cucumber for the chance to chase that wonderful feeling once more.

"Good," he said. He rolled over and stood from the bed. He is completely naked and more beautiful than any sight my eyes have ever had the opportunity to witness. I try not to look, but I am captivated. I see it. My first glimpse at his 'hose,' and it doesn't look anything like a gardening implement. More like a desert snake. I think Alice is going to be sorely disappointed.

I smile and nearly giggle, and Edward catches me. He grabs the confirmation sheet and looks back at me.

"What?"

I shake my head and look away.

"My apologies. Something Alice said," I try to explain so he wouldn't think I was laughing at him.

"You're thinking about my sister?"

Great. Now I've done it.

"She…she told me that men have a gardening hose. I was just thinking she will be disappointed when she learns the truth."

Edward walked over to the bed with the confirmation sheet in his hand and sits down next to me.

"My parents always did keep Alice sheltered. They were worried she would end up like me. God, a gardening hose? No wonder you were so worried. Well, you are welcome to look. One of the Cullens should set you straight."

I clutched my sheet tighter and sunk into the bed, not looking in his direction.

"No, it's okay. I probably tempted God too much today."

Edward put his hand on the bed and leaned over me until I was brave enough to look back into his eyes.

"Bella, God is not going to smite you for having premarital sex with your fiancé. I think he has bigger worries. Now be a good girl and open your legs."

I looked at him, shaken by his request. I slightly open them, as he pushes the confirmation sheet up and wipes me.

"There. That should be good enough."

He stands back up and begins to fold it. I can see the spot on the fabric, but there is no blood. I begin to worry. I had always imagined the thing to be soaked, the way my mother would tell me about it when she would work on the embroidery.

Edward has it folded and pulls at the linen bag, ready to place it inside when he sees my face. He looks back at the sheet and knows why I am concerned.

"I told you this might happen. You probably broke your hymen when you didn't even realize it."

"But, you do believe me when I say I was a virgin. Right?"

He drops the bag to the floor and sits back down on the bed.

"Of course, I do, Bella. I trust you more than anyone."

Edward Cullen is sitting on my bed naked. My eyes can't help themselves. They keep looking over his body. I try and look away; afraid he will believe I am ogling him. He reaches out and squeezes my hand.

"Take a bath, okay? It will help."

He stands back up and turns to walk over to his clothes to begin redressing. I believe this is the last time I will ever see Edward naked, so I take one last look. The experience was everything I hoped it could be. I don't know if anyone will ever come close.

Edward turns when he is fully clothed and breathes out a long breath before saying, "Well…I should probably let you rest. Good night, Bella."

"Good night," I mumbled.

And he was gone.

I let go of the sheet and let my legs open, allowing the air to hit my privates. Since I've already made a mess with the threat of possible damnation, my hand travels down, and my fingers play with the sensitive area. It is completely wet. Even after Edward had wiped me down with the confirmation sheet. My finger runs over a specific area, and I begin to feel the tingling sensation I had only moments before when Edward was inside me. I play with it absently and begin to feel the sensation build. I close my legs around my hand for added pressure. It feels good but not quite to the same standard as Edward.

Turns out my punishment was not perdition as my mother led me to believe. No matter how I touched myself, I could never achieve the same feeling as when Edward did the same. Pure torture to know what your body was capable of but unable to accomplish successfully without the man who would only touch you once.

I laid in bed the next day, not wanting to get up and face the world. I never did take that bath Edward told me to. After he left, I tossed and turned and eventually was able to sleep.

"Miss Swan?"

Emily gently knocked on the door. I looked over to the clock and saw I had missed breakfast. I hoped Edward wouldn't be upset with me for that.

"Come in," I said, pulling up the covers. I didn't even get out of bed to redress. I wondered what Emily would think of seeing my shoulders bare.

"Sorry to bother you, miss. I didn't know if you wanted something to eat. I can bring something up if you prefer."

"Uh…sure. That sounds nice," I replied. "Did…Edward eat breakfast this morning?"

I felt juvenile for asking such a question. Wondering if the maid could spy on my fiancé.

"No. He left around six this morning. He wanted me to let you know that he would be back in a few days. He wanted to go to the campus and check on everything before he is to begin classes. He said he would stay at a hotel…"

Even Emily knew something was amiss. Her words cause a quick stab to my heart. Normally, Edward wouldn't just leave without discussing his plans with me. So, I wonder if he left because of what we did. Maybe he was embarrassed.

"Right. I forgot about his plans." I waved her off, hoping I sounded convincing. "You know what? Just forgot about breakfast. I will pick something up at Alice's when I go over later."

Emily bowed and then left. As soon as the door shut, I felt my heart rate accelerating. Why was this upsetting me so? Edward did have to go by his campus. Maybe this had nothing to do with me at all.

The bath was a welcomed pleasure. However, I felt bitter sitting in it while thinking about how kind and caring Edward was last night. Never once did I see him cringe or flinch as I thought I might. He even seemed concerned for my overall wellbeing.

I laid back and sunk down to let the water come over my face. I let go of all my fears and worries. When I came back up for air, I decided I wouldn't get upset just yet. There was no reason to be worried when I didn't have all the facts. I'd wait for Edward to come back and then see how he was.

When I was through with my bath, I saw Alice had sent me a text message asking if we could meet at her mother's house in the afternoon. I didn't know how I felt seeing Esme when I was unclear on how her son made me feel. But, it was to be expected. Esme and Carlisle would fund our blessing celebration since my parents could never provide something adequate enough for a Cullen.

I made sure to dress my best for Esme, and since I knew her time was precious, I arrived ten minutes early. I waited in the entry room after Rebecca had let me in. Rebecca wanted to take me to the tea room, but I didn't want to go until Alice came. But that didn't stop Esme.

"Bella, why are you waiting in the entry room like some unwelcomed guest?"

"I was just waiting for Alice. I didn't want to bother you. I know I'm early. I'm sure Alice will be along shortly."

I felt like a brook; I couldn't stop talking. Esme paused when she came closer. She looked me over. Her eyes felt like they were trying to burn through to my very soul.

"Why don't we have a chat before Alice joins us," she said, taking my hand and leading me toward the sitting room. Once again, my heart began to race. I wondered what she wanted to speak with me about.

"I know Carlisle and I may not have sounded as if we were supportive of your union with our son. I apologize for any apprehension you must be feeling. I hope you know that we only want the best for you both."

She led me to the couch and sat down beside me.

"I know your mother has the tendency to be strict in her ways. I'm sorry she hasn't been more kind to you. If there is ever anything you want to talk about, I am here for you, Bella."

Her compassion hurts as I think about Edward. How can this woman help me when anything I might say could put her son in a damaging light? And why is it damaged? Edward didn't mistreat me. His touch wasn't rough. He didn't just take his pleasure and not worry about mine.

"I'm fine, Mrs. Cullen."

"Esme…or if you are comfortable, you may call me mom, too."

I look down, afraid she might see the tears that have formed in my eyes.

"Bella," she says, taking my hand. "You can tell me. Please tell me my son was kind. Please tell me he was gentle."

I look up instantly surprised that she knows. How does she know? I can't imagine Edward would ever discuss this with her.

"I can tell. A mother knows."

I let out a sob.

"Yes, he was kind. I don't know why I am crying. It was perfect…well, far better than what I deserve. But now he is gone, and I don't know what that means. I think he's embarrassed; hiding so he won't have to face me."

"Oh, honey." She pulls me in for a hug and holds me. It feels awkward because I stress that my tears will make a stain on her elegant dress.

"I'm sure it isn't what your mind wants to believe. Edward is just as confused as you are, I'm afraid. He cares for you, Bella. I know he does, but he's scared too. He doesn't know how to deal with his feelings. Until he figures them out, I fear you will be the one hurt by his thoughtless actions."

I pull back from her hug, and she places her hands on my face and wipes my tears away with her thumbs.

"Are you going to tell me I should have waited until we were married?" I asked.

"You are grown up now; it isn't my place to tell you what you should do. You have to make those choices on your own and live with whatever happens. You'll be married soon, and hopefully, once you say your vows, you won't feel the guilt I imagine you feel right now. Why don't we focus on the party? I find these kinds of distractions always help when I have something grave weighing on my mind."

I nodded, and she smiled at me. I felt better to be able to talk to someone. I didn't know if Alice would have been the right person. Thankfully, Esme didn't say another word about it while we planned the party.

"…Which brings our guest list to two-hundred and eighty people. A good number. Why don't you look it over and see if we left anyone off," Alice says, handing me the paper.

At the beginning of the list, I see a name that causes my stomach to turn.

"Do we have to invite my sister and her family?"

Esme sighed and nodded.

"Unfortunately, even though the Newtons are only a secondary family, it would be considered to be in poor taste not to invite them, especially since your sister married into their family," she explained.

"I thought the Cullens could do anything they wanted," I teased.

"To a point. Some things in our society could disgrace our family. If the Newtons had done something to warrant not being invited, then I wouldn't even bat an eye at crossing their names off the list."

"Married my sister, isn't that enough of a reason?" I grumbled.

"Don't worry. As your maid of honor, it is my job to make sure she doesn't ruin your day. Leave her to me," Alice said.

I remember when I worried about the Newtons coming for the holidays and having to endure them. It looks as if I would be facing them sooner than I'd like. They set a date for the Blessing Celebration. It would be October eleventh; six weeks from today.

My summer was ending soon, and we were finally heading into fall. With the colors changing, Esme didn't want roses to be our theme. She chose to go with Pompom Dahlias. They were very pretty, but they sure made a statement. She assured me she would tone them down to perfection. I trusted her since I didn't know the first thing about planning a party.

I didn't want to go back home knowing Edward wouldn't be there. I felt his absence would make it more unbearable, but I couldn't go to the hospital dressed the way I was, so after I left Esme's house, I reluctantly returned home.

I gasped when I saw Jacob waiting in my driveway. I look down at my phone and see how late I am. I had completely forgotten to cancel my session with him. But it was supposed to be in the morning. What was he doing here at this time of the day?

"Jacob! I am so sorry. I forgot. Please tell me you haven't been waiting here all day?" I asked the moment I was out of the car.

He laughed and walked over to me, his eyes dancing with merriment.

"Of course not. Edward called and told me you would be busy this morning. He said I should reschedule at a later time. So, here I am. Are you busy?"

Jacob was the perfect distraction. Something to get me out of this house and help me not to think about Edward.

"If you can wait twenty minutes, I'll be down."

He nodded, and I ran into the house to get on my workout clothes. Once I was in my closet, I had a hard time finding something to wear. My clothes were beginning to be too loose. I look in the mirror and pull them tight, and I see how baggy they were. I smile and want to cry, but now it motivates me, even more, to get down to Jacob. Suddenly there is a spring in my step.

I bounce down the stairs, nearly crashing into Jacob with my enthusiasm.

"Whoa! Someone's having a mighty fine day," Jacob said, steadying me with his hands.

"I'm seeing my progress. Look," I replied, pulling my clothes back.

"That's great, Bella. Let's keep up that momentum. Remember you have to be the change you want to see in your body."

He smiles at me, but my mind is all over the place. Between being happy for my success and Edward, I nearly miss the far-off look deep in Jacob's eye.

"Why don't we get to our stretches."

I walk over to the grass and sit down to begin. The sun is beginning its descent. We'll probably only have another hour of light, so I get to it. Jacob walks over and helps me stretch my legs. After being with Edward, my mind begins to overanalyze every touch from Jacob. His hand slowly goes down my leg instead of just holding onto my shoe. My God! This is what sex does. It makes your body think every touch is building to something more.

"I'm sorry," Jacob apologized, letting go of my leg.

I waved him off, but inside I began to wonder why he felt the need to apologize unless I wasn't as crazy as I thought. I get up from the ground and motion for him to lead the way. We begin our jog in absolute silence, which is a huge change from how Jacob usually starts. Usually, he is already going on with his cheesy sayings and telling me we're going to pick up the pace soon. Within two minutes, I am already beginning to perspire even though there is a nice breeze to help me along. Five minutes go by, and Jacob hasn't said one word.

Suddenly he stops, and I nearly trip.

"I'm sorry, Bella."

"Are you okay?" I asked, worried he was having a medical issue.

"Uh…yeah…I mean, …no."

"Should I call for a doctor?"

I check him over visually. He seems fine. Not even clutching his chest as I've seen patients do in the past.

"No…it's not that. Look, there's something I have to tell you. I…I should have said it a long time ago."

His face is tortured while he tries to get out whatever he plans to say. He steps forward and just as he goes to open his mouth to give me an explanation, his eyes close, and he steps forward again. His lips collide with mine. I am overwhelmed. I can't process a decent thought to save my life. His hand comes up, and his fingers weave themselves through my hair as he pushes his tongue in my mouth for more. A cold bucket of common-sense hits me, and I pull away immediately.

"What are you…Why are you? What is the meaning of this?"

My questions come frantically while my feet stumble backward. The trees make a soft rustling sound from the wind. The whole scene is quite beautiful with the sun setting. It's the kind of picture you would want if you were retelling the story and excited about the kiss you had just received.

"I'm sorry, Bella. I couldn't keep it in any longer. Something about you today…told me to go for it."

"I'm engaged," I spit.

"I know that, but come on, Bella. Not that guy! Cullen is an asshole. I've seen how he treats you. You deserve more. And you can't tell me he is marrying you because he loves you. You don't treat the people you love the way he treats you."

I feel the stab in my chest that I felt earlier. Jacob's words make the wound bigger; like a knife wiggling around to carve out more of the flesh.

"I love him," I stupidly defended.

"I understand that, but don't you think you deserve the same courtesy." His voice is calm and quiet like he is prepared to tell me a secret. "I saw the girl he brought home. I'm a lesser; it isn't my place to say anything. Hell, the mere implication alone could get me sent to the white ward and yet, I tell you this, not to hurt you but because you should know what kind of man you are marrying. I may not have a fancy house or a high title, but I can take care of you, Bella. I can give you more than Edward Cullen ever could. Be with me, and I will make you happy."

He reaches to take my hand, but I pull back shuffling my feet in the dirt to get some distance between us. A couple of weeks ago, I would have needed to stop myself from jumping at the offer. I knew my love for Edward would never fade, but the prospects of leading a happy life with someone who wanted me would have been tempting. But what about now? What about now? I made love to Edward. At least I think I did. Can you still call it making love if only one of you is in love? With Edward's absence, I could very well go on the next few years playing a role and never have Edward touch me the way he did last night. Could I live with that? Especially knowing that Jacob could have given me everything I wanted?

"I'm sorry…I just can't."

My face crumples with the agony of the future I have just destined myself to. No happy husband. No children on my horizon. Putting a fake smile on my face and lying to everyone about the perfect life I shared with a Cullen.

Jacob sighed and shook his head.

"You're going to regret this, Bella."

Stiffly, I turn and begin the long walk back to the house. I worry what Edward will do when he hears about Jacob's advances. Will he believe me when I tell him that nothing happened? He said he trusted me more than anyone, so I should just tell him and then beg that he doesn't do something rash to Jacob.

What if he sent him to the white ward? No,

Edward wouldn't do that. Jacob just had a little crush. He shouldn't be punished for his feelings, even if they are unbelievable. Again, I wonder why Jacob would ever want someone like me when he looked as amazing as he did. It just didn't make any sense. Why would Jacob like me? He had seen me at my worst. Before last night, he had more contact with my body than Edward. How did he find me attractive at all?

I hear his words echoing in my head over and over.

I know Jacob is right; I will regret this. His voice sounded sad and lost, but what I didn't realize then was that his last words to me were not as I thought I heard them.

'You are going to regret this, Bella.'

Was there was a double meaning there I didn't realize?


	17. Chapter 17

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

Edward didn't come home after a couple of days like he told Emily he would. I could have texted him and hoped that he would call me back as he did when we were courting, but I couldn't bring myself to do it.

I had my own troubles to deal with after all. One, I couldn't decide whether I should tell Edward about the kiss. If I were to do the right thing and tell him, he could lose all sense of reasoning and do something to have Jacob taken away to the white ward.

The white ward was predominantly kept for law-breakers. However, if a family had enough influence, it wouldn't take much more than a call, and then, a person could be thrown away and never heard from again. A lot of money had to grease the palms of the authorities if it were someone of a higher class, but it could be done. If it were a lesser, just one phone call could ruin a person's life.

With Edward's temper being what it was, I was sure it would take less than a second before his hand reached for the phone when it came to Jacob Black. He had already made his stance very clear with concerns about Jacob. Edward didn't trust him. So, if I was smart, I would not tell him. It was only one kiss, and Edward might never find out. Hopefully, Jacob took my absence as a clear sign I would no longer be working with him, and he could return to the west from where he came.

However, if I didn't tell Edward, the lie could eat me up. These things had a way of coming out into the open and then what would Edward think if he found out from another source. He said he trusted me above all else. That trust would surely dwindle if given this opportunity.

Rock. Hard place. Don't mind if I just allow myself to settle right between you two.

The weather began to cool down, which was much appreciated for someone my size. As the leaves started to turn, I took the opportunity to appreciate them. Finally, my favorite time of year was quickly approaching. Most days, I found myself sitting in the garden to witness the beauty. I found that it calmed me from all the worried feelings my mind was barely containing.

It had been two weeks since I last saw Edward. Two weeks since I had sex with Edward. Each day that he was gone, I drove myself crazy with thoughts of why he would go away for such a time and never even call or write. Whether I would tell Edward about Jacob ate at me too. I wondered if it would be best to have him back, so I could just tell him about the kiss and let the chips fall where they may.

Edward would begin classes in two weeks. Originally, he was to commute up and back for classes, living at home with his fiancé rather than in some dormitory. It wouldn't be proper for a man to live in such a place when he had his family at home. At least that was what I was brought up to believe.

Esme would check in on me from time to time, always finding a reason to come over, stating some need she had for my opinion on the Blessing Celebration. But I knew she was coming by to see I was still okay. The last reason she gave me was to request me to hand deliver an invitation to my father for our Blessing Celebration.

I hadn't talked to my father since he signed me away like a piece of property. Even though he was kinder than my mother, it didn't mean I looked forward to tracking him down to hand him this silly invitation. I guess I had higher standards for my father. I knew it wouldn't take much for my mother to sign me off, so she could get what she wanted, but I never thought my father would buckle under the pressure.

"Seth, would you please take me to the Authority Station over on Main?"

Seth pulled the car out of the driveway. I looked down to the finely embossed invitation and ran my fingers over the raised 'C' on the ivory linen paper. The envelope was heavy. No doubt the most expensive paper used.

I decided to wear my navy dress with the white lace trimmings. I knew my father always liked seeing me in blue. My full dress fanned out over the back seat of the car, my nerves causing me to pick at it for any loose threads. But this dress was of the highest quality, so not one thread to be found to occupy my focus.

The car begins to slow, and I am relieved that I skipped breakfast as I worry that any contents of my stomach could have a damaging effect on my dress. Seth bounces out of the car and runs along the back to come and open my door. My glove-covered hand extends, and he helps me out. Yes, I even wore gloves.

I begin my walk into the building, and a few men give me a slight bow as I pass, and another lesser runs to open the door for me. I had not spent too much time at my father's place of work since my mother always told me that this building was for serious business and not for bothering my father when he needed to keep his mind focused on the job. The only reason I'm here now, was because I never knew when he would be home and I didn't want to chance another run-in with my mother. If Esme could tell that I no longer had my virginity, my own mother would surely notice, and she would have some spiteful words to use.

"Detective Swan?" I asked at the reception.

"To the left and second door."

I nodded my head respectfully and walked toward my left, my heels making the sound I loved to hear, especially when I knew I was walking correctly in them.

There was so much energy moving around the building; telephones ringing throughout and men shouting at one another. A cloud of cigar smoke wafting through the offices. The whole scene was rather barbaric.

I saw the door for the private office my father held and knocked softly upon it.

"Yeah!" His gruff voice barked.

I pushed open the door and walked in. He looked up, and his jaw dropped at seeing me.

"I have something for you. Mrs. Cullen…Esme thought I should bring it by."

My father eyes travel down, unable to look me in the eye as I walk forward and hold out the fancy invitation.

"How are you doing, Bella?" he asked softly.

I take a slight breath in, but I refrain from shrugging my shoulders. A lady shouldn't shrug. It's undignified, and I want my father to know that the Cullens have gotten their money's worth.

"I am well," I replied.

He nods his head and finally looks to me.

"Your engagement agrees with you."

A slap in the face comment if you didn't know it was proper to say this to an engaged woman. Even my father knew the appropriate etiquette when speaking to a lady. Not because of my mother. No. It was something I'm sure he was educated on when he began working for the authorities.

"Thank you, father."

"You look good. You lost weight and the dress…it all looks wonderful on you."

I look down, unable to take the comment graciously.

"I hope you and Mother are doing well. I'm sure I will see you on the eleventh when the Cullens set the Blessing Celebration. I should go." My voice was barely above a whisper. I look at him one last time and go to take my leave. I didn't even realize I still had the invite clutched in my hands ...the whole reason for this awkward encounter.

"Bella," he said, stopping me. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Bella."

I waited a solid minute, staring at the door before turning back to him.

"What do you have to be sorry for? I am…of at the highest station. You and Mother will be taken care of the rest of your lives. I am no longer an embarrassment but the daughter who was able to catch a Cullen. So, don't waste any breath with your apologies because I doubt you mean them."

He shakes his head, and I can see how much he has aged. It's all right there in his eyes. While my mother was out buying ostentatious hats and sitting proper in Kensington, my father hasn't seemed to take to his new life very well. I want to feel sorry for him, but I can't allow myself to.

"I do mean it, Bella. I know I haven't been the kind of father you should be proud of; I didn't stand up for you when your mother would say awful things." He paused and sighed. "I knew you didn't want to marry Edward. Not really. At least…not in the way it was done. I hoped he could give you something your mother and I failed to provide. Protection. He is the son of the most powerful family our state has. Things out there are about to change. I can feel it. Doing what I do, I know when the unrest will lead to riots and revolts. It's all beginning, Bella, and you need someone who can give you safe passage out of this country if need be. Edward is…well, I have faith he won't hurt you as Michael Newton has hurt your sister."

"How could you allow that monster to marry Jessica knowing what he put in her contract?"

My father hunched over his desk and placed his head in his hands.

"You think I wanted her to marry that bastard?" He growled banging his fists down hard on the desk. "The whole scene was similar to what happened to you. But, instead of your mother pushing and chanting in my ear to sign, your sister was the one to push that through. I tried to warn her, to tell her what was what but she wouldn't listen. She knew the Newtons were a prominent family and so, she took the tradeoff. Have lovely things and a fancy house with a high-end title. For that, she would gladly take any abuse her husband would deal. I even tried to tell her that I would hide her; pay for her to skip out on her marriage, but she wouldn't hear of it. You know how your sister is. She is just like your mother. Once they have an idea, they won't give up."

I nodded my head. He was right. I took after my father, quiet and easily stepped on and my sister took after my mother. I walked over to the desk and held out the invitation.

"I need you there, Daddy. I need to know there is one person who truly loves me and supports me. Please come."

"Bella, I should warn you. Jessica is coming with the Newtons in two weeks' time. They're staying at the fancy hotel over on Peach. All of them. They'll be here until your Blessing Celebration. I'm sure she will expect the Cullens to welcome them."

Two weeks.

That sounds about right. The Newtons would be here for a month. I knew everything was about to become more complicated and uncomfortable. There was no way I could hide in my room this time until the threat had passed. The Cullens would be expected to welcome them. We were all becoming family soon enough. My stomach turns at the many dinners I would be forced to endure in their presence.

I walked out of the office and left my shell of a father behind. On the drive back to Edward's house, I prayed to have a glimpse into the future. To know that everything would work out in the end...that it could be possible to have a happy ever after. It was in my best interest that God hadn't answered my prayer. If I had seen the future, I might have decided to jump off a cliff and save myself from the turmoil.

"Miss Swan, Mr. Cullen arrived back just an hour ago. I thought you'd like to know," Seth said as we approached the house.

My heart stopped, and I wondered if it would be too late to ask Seth to drive to the nearest cliff. Did I want to see Edward now? A part of me was relieved that he came back and yet another part of me was breaking that he left for so long. And what about Jacob? What should we do about him?

The car stops, and I wait for Seth to come and open my door, hoping he takes as long as he can, so I can stall even a few more seconds from the possible events that will unfold. Cautiously, I open the door and poke my head inside. It was silly. If he was there, he would see me immediately and then ask why I didn't walk in fully. Thankfully, Edward wasn't there. Hopefully, he was exhausted from his trip and went to lay down in his quarters.

I scurried toward my staircase, the sound I once loved of my heels clicking on the floor were tattling on me. I began to race up it toward my room, but the second I reached the last step, Edward walked out from his side and called to me.

"Bella."

I froze instantly damning those heels for alerting him. I slowly turn and stand, not looking at him. All my feelings fighting over who will take over.

"You're back," I said quietly.

"Uh…yeah. Sorry, my travels took so long. I…had a lot to do."

I folded my arms over my chest, refusing to accept his lame apology.

"You look nice."

I scoffed and dared to stare back at him.

"Do I? Or is that a lie too?"

We are literally standing on opposites sides of the room speaking to one another with this wide space between us. It would be comical if there were an audience to play out this scene for.

"Bella." His voice says my name as if he wanted to give a better apology, but he has to work himself up to say it.

"Just forget about it, Edward."

I turn to head to my side of the castle.

"Bella! Would you give me a moment of your time?" he shouted, slamming his hand down on the banister.

I stop from going through the door but don't turn to look at him. I guess that anger won the war once again. I'm relieved. It was far better to be angry than to be sobbing and begging to know why Edward felt that now was the perfect time to take off after he took my virginity.

"This whole thing has me confused. We had sex. I didn't know what that would mean. So, yes…I probably didn't handle the situation right. I shouldn't have done it. I probably ruined our friendship because of it. You deserved better, and I'm sorry for that. We needed to keep this arrangement professional, so no one would get hurt. That was my responsibility, and I failed. So, I'm sorry, Bella. Don't worry, it won't happen again. In fact, I went ahead and rented an apartment. I will be there Monday through Friday for the school year while I attend, and on the weekends, holidays, and breaks, I will be here to play my role."

I turned around to stare at him, not believing what he said. Is it really possible that he was completely ignorant of how that statement would offend me? You will regret this, Bella. Yes, already I regretted it. If Jacob's kiss had come after this little speech of Edward's, I might have accepted, walked away, and been happier for it. My happily ever after in sight.

I turned away from him and walked through the door to my side of the house. I could hear him calling my name. Bella. Bella. Bella. If we were to be professional, shouldn't he use my full name? It would make it easier to know when I should play my role.

I pulled the dress off and turned on the shower. I didn't want to take a bath. Baths were for relaxing. I needed the shower for what I planned to do. I stepped in and sat down on the bench and sobbed. The embarrassing feeling I was worried would come out with Edward was now ready to take center stage. Thank God, I managed to hold it together during Edward's little speech. He had already taken enough of my dignity.

I must have sat in that shower for an hour. The only reason I got out was thinking about how many lessers don't get the opportunity to even bathe once a day. It didn't seem fair that I should be overly gluttonous with my water usage.

I wiped the towel down my body and wrapped my hair up in it when I was done. I pulled another from the warming rack and wrapped it around my body. I hadn't eaten much that day. Looks like with Jacob gone, I had traded in working out for starvation to aid my weight loss. I would call down to Emily and ask her to bring something up later. I only had two weeks left of Edward to endure, and then he would be off to his apartment, probably having sex with any girl he could find while I let my one chance at a happy life slip away.

I walk out of the bathroom, wiping a residual tear from my recent thought and see Edward sitting on my bed. My feet stop, and once again, the anger is back ready to take over.

"What are you doing here? These are my private quarters, and I haven't invited you. Believe me, when I say, I won't make that mistake again. You made your mistakes fucking me. Well, I made a mistake too, by ever believing you could be a decent human being!" I picked up the nearest object and threw it in his direction; a throw pillow from off the fancy high-back chair. It didn't even get close to where he was.

Edward stood and faced me. He didn't say a word, but his face looked odd. I pulled the towel closer to my body while I scowled at him.

"I'm sorry, Bella," he whispered.

"Yeah, you said that already," I snapped.

Edward turned and looked away from me. I see his hand rise up and I know he is pinching the bridge of his nose even though I can't see his face. He usually did that when he needed a moment to gather himself.

"I can't do this, Bella!" He throws up his hands and turns back to me. "I want to be with you. Really be with you. Not put on a show or wait until my father releases the last part of my inheritance when you officially say your vows. I care about you, Bella, but I am not a good man. I don't deserve to be with someone like you. My grandfather was a bastard, but he was a bastard who knew that you and I should never be together. However, it's not because the old man thought little of you. It's because I know that when it comes to the two of us, I am the lesser."

He slowly walks to me.

"I'm not ready to be a husband. Not because I want to have sex with different women. I…I…I'm just not ready. I thought if we got married, even if it was for show, then maybe, someday, I could be ready and then you would be there. Do you see how screwed up I am? That I would put you on a shelf and leave you there until I was ready? How can I be a good friend, a decent human being if I did that to you? I'm sorry for what I said earlier. I'm sorry I ran away after I took your virginity. Even though you acted all right, I knew my actions would cause you to believe there was something wrong with you. So once again, I was selfish and thought about myself over your feelings. I got out of here because I didn't want to deal with the awkwardness that would come the next day. I'm sorry, Bella."

Okay, that was a better apology, but so much more to digest than previously. Edward Cullen is standing in front of me, telling me that he does have feelings for me. I should be jumping up and down at the confession. However, once again, he is putting an offer on the table that short changes me. Stick around and hope that in a few years he will be mature enough to want to be with me? A lady in waiting. Waiting for her husband to wake up and devote himself fully to the cause. Can I do that? Be placed on a shelf as how many unknown years pass before my eyes.

"I think…for this to work, we need to…work on our friendship. We say we are friends but how can we be when we have shown each other very little respect. Maybe if we were better friends, then we would be better people. The sex thing is done and over. We should move on, both of us, with the understanding that it won't ever happen again. I think if we could have said that from the very beginning, it wouldn't have caused you to run off and rent an apartment. You don't have to flee from your home; I won't mope around or push you for any sexual experience. I know you want to go and live away from here, but I found out today that my sister is coming the day you begin school. You've needed me to play the role and now, more than ever, I need you to play the role. I need you to be here because I don't know if I can survive another go around with my sister if I don't have my friend here to support me."

He nodded. "Okay."

Once again, it's awkward. We are feet from one another but still unable to feel comfortable. Edward walks forward and puts his arms around me. He hugs me, and it hasn't escaped my mind that I am still wrapped in a towel.

"Why don't we have dinner, Bella. The dinner we never had two weeks ago."

I smiled half-heartedly and nodded.

Edward releases me and steps back.

"I will let the servants know. I will see you at seven."

I nod once more, and he backs up slowly and leaves.

I fall into my bed, the weight of the conversation being too much for me to carry. I didn't tell him about Jacob. I wonder if I should tell him at dinner, but I don't want to ruin the meal. I decide to wait on the Jacob thing until he notices I am no longer working out with him. That was probably best. I imagine a scenario in my mind where he asks me where Jacob is, and I finally tell him. He will be mad, of that I was sure, but then the key was to wave off the incident and explain to him how I already took care of the situation by asking him not to come back. Yes, that was probably best.

But Edward didn't notice. He wasn't completely absent like before but close. He would see me for meals, but that was about it. I began to worry my sister would see through our charade when she was invited to be a part of our lives while she was here. I wondered if I should say something to Edward to make sure we were on the same page.

Alice was the one to inform me that the troll had landed. She caught the first whiffs when she was taking in tea at Kensington. She said Jessica was as poorly dressed as my mother with that bird hat on her head.

I felt my whole body convulse when I saw that message come through. I needed to speak to Edward as soon as possible. I waited for him to come home. I knew he was spending the day at Court with his father. One last father and son afternoon before Edward began his education.

I heard the car pull up and I jumped out of my seat rushing toward the door, so I could catch him before he ran off upstairs. I just made it to the entryway when Edward came through the door. He slammed it so hard that one of the gaudy vases fell off its pedestal and crash-landed on the floor.

I see it in his eyes. His anger is unlike anything I had witnessed before.

"Edward."

"Why didn't you tell me about Jacob Black!"

You're going to regret this, Bella.


	18. Chapter 18

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

Edward and I had our fair share of fights in the past. However, I could tell at this very moment, by looking into Edward's eyes that whether he was right, or I was wrong, this would be our worst. I glanced around at the remaining soldier vases, thinking they should probably be scared they were yet again on the front lines.

"I didn't know how to tell you about Jacob." My voice barely above a whisper. "I have thought about nothing else in the past few weeks; going over in my mind whether I should confide in you. I was worried if I said anything, you might act out irrationally and ruin him. I wanted to tell because I didn't want to keep this from you. If I did, you wouldn't trust me, and yet, it was all so silly. I knew if I caught you in the wrong mood, you could ruin his life over nothing."

"NOTHING? You allow that…that lesser to lay a hand on you and you call it nothing?"

Edward shakes at the thoughts going through his mind. I'm sure whatever vision he is having is far worse than what actually occurred.

"It was nothing, Edward. Only once and I pushed him off. I didn't want it. I swear! I have no idea what he was thinking…"

"You fuck him and call it nothing. You didn't even let your sheets dry before you let him into your bed, did you? I go away for a couple of days, and you run off and screw him even after you told me you wouldn't!"

"What?" I gasped. "We never had sex! Why would you think that? He kissed me. That was it. Nothing else. Who told you that?"

I stopped and then it dawned on me.

"Wait. Who told you any of this?"

Edward immediately took a slight step back.

"He did."

"And you believed him?" I growled.

I felt like I was standing in the middle of the room while sharp pointy daggers flew in my direction. First, from Edward that he would ever listen to Jacob before hearing out what I had to say, and then from Jacob...that he would lie about what happened. Why would he do that? Why would he say we had sex? Was he hoping I would change my mind about his offer if Edward kicked me to the curb?

"Why wouldn't I believe him? He has everything to lose by coming to me. He put himself in danger by sharing this information."

I look down, and my hands are shaking in anger.

"Tell me everything he said," I demanded quietly.

Edward shifted on his feet. His anger mildly stalled for the moment while he wrestled with the concept that I could be telling him the truth. That he would be stupid enough to believe a word out of Jacob's mouth over mine.

"I was just getting in my car when he came over and said he needed to talk to me. I thought he was going to tell me you quit again and wanted me to talk you back into continuing. He looked…scared or nervous. He stuttered at first. Told me he knew I was engaged to you, but if I cared about you at all, I would let you go to be with the man who truly loved you. Someone like him. I brushed him off and was ready to go back to my car when he blurted out that you two had made love and I couldn't deny your feelings for him because he had seen it all in your eyes."

My mouth slowly dropped open as I imagine the picture Edward created. I slowly shook my head and waited for something to come out of my mouth in the form of a rebuttal, but nothing came.

I think I was in shock.

How could Jacob do this? He was so lovely and kind to me. Did he really care so much about me that he would try and ruin the relationship I had with Edward for a chance I would go to him?

"Edward…he's…he's lying."

"He knew things, Bella. Things only a person who had been intimate with you would know. He knew about your birthmark. I know about your birthmark, I've seen it up close and personal. And I also know it's in a place he wouldn't be able to see just from a piece of clothing slipping during one of your workouts. You don't think I tried to defend your honor; to tell him I didn't believe him, foolishly thinking you would never do this to me? You asked me not to have sex with other people while living in this house, and I promised you as long as we were married, I wouldn't. You said you wouldn't either. I can't believe you, Bella! I can't believe you would let that snake into your bed only moments after I made love to you!"

"You can't believe me?" I yelled. "You tell me you trust me above all others and then at the first sign of trouble you completely shatter any faith you have in me. You can't believe me? Well, I can't believe you, Edward! Even now, you still take what he said over my word! The word of a lesser over your friend! I don't know how he found out about my birthmark, but Jacob Black has never set sight on it in his life. Not that you could possibly have faith in any word which would come out of my mouth, your fiancée. I didn't tell you about the kiss because I was worried you'd have him thrown in the white ward. Stupid me. Stupid Bella for trying to see that a man's life wasn't ruined over a silly mistake."

I begin to walk towards my staircase, unable to continue this argument any further.

"And just so you know, because you seem to have forgotten, you didn't go away for a couple of days. You went away for weeks, so don't try and paint a picture of yourself as this great guy because we both know you aren't. Jacob offered me a way out, and maybe I should have taken it. How could I subject myself to this marriage and wait around in hopes that someday your head might turn my way? Stupid Bella! Stupid girl for even thinking Edward Cullen could be a decent human being!"

In a fit of rage, I put my hands on one of the pedestals and pushed, growling as I used my might to topple over the solid plaster column that held one of the gaudy vases. I didn't foresee it hitting the next one and then the next like dominos. I would probably care if I hadn't been so offended by Edward's accusations.

I didn't stick around to take in my handiwork and praise myself for a job well done on redecorating Edward's entryway. I slammed the door and stomped off down the hallway. When I made it to my quarters, I checked the lock on my door twice to ensure Edward couldn't follow.

I spent my day staring out the window to focus on Mother Nature's good deeds. A bath would calm me too, but I didn't want to lay around in the water and stare at my tummy rolls. They would remind me too much of Jacob.

I was so mad I could spit.

I wanted to be angry at Jacob for lying to Edward, but he probably only lied out of desperation. It didn't make any sense. Why would Jacob fall for me of all people? He was the perfect example of how a man should look, and I was the perfect example of how a girl shouldn't look.

I wanted to be angry at Edward for blindly choosing to believe Jacob over me. Even after our argument, it was clear he still valued Jacob's word over mine.

More importantly, I was angry at myself. Why did I not just tell Edward? If I had, this whole mess would never have happened. However, I wonder if I had told Edward the truth from the beginning, would he have believed me when Jacob began to weave his web of lies? Edward might not take my word over his even then.

A soft knock at my door makes my blood boil, but once Emily has announced herself, I feel my blood pressure calming.

"I'm sorry to disturb you, Miss Swan," she begins to say through the door. I can barely make out her words since the door is unusually thick. "Mrs. Cullen has tried repeatedly to get ahold of you. She wanted me to tell you the Newton's are coming to the Cullen estate tonight, and request that you and Mr. Cullen attend dinner."

Once again, my blood pressure inevitably increases. Hearing the name Newton brings a whole other kind of worry. I must not have answered quick enough because Emily knocks once again and calls out to me.

I get up from the seat at the window and walk over to unlock the door.

"My apologies; I'm having an off day. Please relay the message to Mr. Cullen and see if he can call his mother to reschedule. I don't think we are up to attending dinner at the moment."

She slightly bows and then takes her leave. I close the door once more and walk over to my bed to flop myself into it. Very unladylike.

Edward and I may not agree on much, but I'm sure even he will agree we should not be attending this dinner. We weren't ready to put on the show required to please the Newtons. Somehow, Edward and I would have to get prepared for our performance within twenty-four hours, as I was sure Esme couldn't hold out too long to welcome the Newtons. It would be bad form.

My bedroom door opens, and I want to smack myself immediately for not remembering to lock it.

"We can't get out of tonight; my mother wouldn't hear of it. She said the cooks have been preparing a meal for thirteen all day and it would be wasteful to throw out the food at this point. So, you and I have to put our marital discord behind us for now and get ready," Edward ordered.

I sit up slightly from the bed and rest on my elbows as I stare at him.

"If you value this charade then we can't go tonight. My sister will know something is up; she has a nose for this stuff. She won't outwardly say something, she will just pick and pester at certain words until someone cracks. We have to be united when we go up against her, and right now, we have never been more separated."

Edward walks forward and points at me.

"We have no choice, Bella. Our absence alone will lead your sister to the truths we cannot hide. I don't know if you slept with Jacob or not, but I can't let that steer my focus right now. We have a job to do."

Once again, I grab the closest thing to me, my pillow and throw it at him, but this time it hits him directly in the face.

"I NEVER SLEPT WITH JACOB!"

I jump up from the bed.

"What is the matter with you? I can't believe you would take his word over mine."

"I don't know what to believe anymore, Bella. He told me about your crescent moon birthmark. How can I just ignore this? I mean, who else knows about that?"

I grab my hair, ready to rip it from my head for the stress this man causes me.

"I don't know. My mother. My father. My…"

And then hits me. I slowly look up into Edward's eyes as it all begins to make sense. I see his eyes change immediately as it dawns on him too.

"Jessica," he said, voicing my thoughts. He backs up a couple of steps and rubs his hand across his face while the puzzle pieces fall into place. My breaths are labored while I contemplate the whole scenario.

"Of course," Edward continued. He grabs his own hair and growls. "God, how could I have been so stupid? Of course, it was Jessica. She hired Jacob in the first place. She's probably been paying him to screw with us this whole time."

He walks a distance away and then slowly comes back to me. I see the change in his eyes, and I can already see what's coming. I know him too well.

"I'm sorry, Bella. You were right...I fell into their trap. I deserved every unkind word you said."

I don't want to forgive him because it seemed like a pattern with us. I was done constantly being apologized to when I knew it would only be a matter of time before Edward would curse me for something else.

"I'm sorry too. I should have told you about the kiss. I should have been honest from the beginning. Maybe if I had, this whole thing wouldn't have gotten out of control. Maybe, but unlikely." I sighed. "Well, we'll never know. Oh, and I'm sorry about your vases…even if they are ugly. I shouldn't have ruined them."

"You thought the vases were ugly?" he asked, sounding slightly offended.

I tilted my head to the side. An acceptable gesture rather than to shrug.

"So…now what? I doubt Jessica would ever confess, and if this didn't work, I would hate to see what she planned next."

Edward walked over to my couch and sat down unceremoniously. I stayed right where I was, feeling that some distance between us was probably best. I could see him stare as he thought through his options. He leaned to one side and pulled his phone from his back pocket. He then held up a finger to his mouth, indicating I should be silent while he dials.

I furrow my brow wondering what he is doing, and my feet shuffle forward, unable to keep my body back.

"Hello, Jacob?"

My mouth drops open and Edward waves me off from saying a word.

"I've thought a lot about what you said, and I want Bella to be happy. I talked things over with her, and we've decided to let our families know at dinner this evening that we will be dissolving our union. I hope you and Bella will be very happy. Please let me know if you should need anything in the future."

He flips his phone closed and looks up at me triumphantly.

"What did you just do?" I gasped.

Edward rises from the couch and walks to me.

"Get dressed honey. We were screwed with, and now it's time we do a little screwing of our own."

My head subconsciously turns toward the bed, and Edward catches it.

"Not like that, Bella, not now."

While I got myself ready, I went over Edward's plan in my head. I was so nervous that somehow, I would mess this up. However, I was happier knowing Edward, and I would do this together, and therefore, for the first time in months, I felt as if I had my friend back.

The dinner was set for seven; drinks and appetizers for six-thirty. Wanting to make a grand entrance, Edward and I didn't leave our house until six-thirty. I sat in the car, wringing my hands as my nerves doubled as we got closer to our destination.

Edward reached out and took one of my hands and massages it in his.

"Bella, try to not be anxious. We can do this. You have to dig down deep and find the self-confidence you've always lacked. Remember, you are a Cullen. You have a higher standing than even the most senior Newton. If at any time you feel inadequate tonight, just remember that."

I nodded. My mind filled with pictures of the Newtons the last time I saw them. My parents weren't invited to this dinner since they were still far below in station to dine with these families. Esme said there were thirteen people. Alice and Jasper, Edward and I, Esme and Carlisle would make up six, which meant the seven remaining seats would go to the grandfather Newton, Michael's parents, Michael's sister and husband, and of course, Michael and Jessica.

Edward took my hand as we exited the car, and we walked up the stairs to the front door. He didn't knock or ring the doorbell to save Rebecca from coming and greeting us. We walked over to the white sitting room where the whole family was there to greet us. Immediately, I feel my palms begin to sweat at the sight of my sister. However, when I take her in, I have to stop myself from laughing as she looks utterly ridiculous this evening.

She wears a tight, long sleeve black dress with three peacock feathers coming up from her waist to fly off her shoulder. Overall, it doesn't look too silly, but then one peacock feather is connected to another peacock feather that comes down from off her black, pillbox hat. I idly wonder what would happen if she jerks her head too quickly. Would the feathers rip apart or would the action cause her neck to come back, therefore making her unable to perform the full move.

"Isabella, Edward, So kind of you to join us," Esme stands with her drink in hand and walks over to hugs us. She then adds under her breath, "nearly a half hour late."

"Bella, you look beautiful. I love that dress," Alice says as I walk over and join her. I can feel my sister's eyes on me, but I don't look at her yet.

"I thought she was supposed to lose weight," I hear Mrs. Newton say softly towards her husband. "I mean what are we paying for…"

"Why don't we all head into the dining room," Carlisle announces, saving me from further humiliation.

"You look well, Jessica," I say softly to my sister.

"As do you, my sister," she replied with a twinkle in her eye. "How has your engagement treated you? I hope you have found as much happiness in your fiancé as I have found in my husband."

Jessica reaches over to squeeze Michael's knee and lean into him. I have to admit, Michael Newton is a very appealing man. Cleanly shaven and a good head of blondish-brown hair. His teeth are unusually white and perfect. No doubt they are capped.

I feel Edward come up from behind me and place his hands on my waist.

"Bella and I couldn't be happier; she is truly the love of my life," he leans down and kisses me on the neck, and it tickles me, so I let out a girlish giggle.

"Oh, Edward. We have company."

"Okay, my love. We'll save it for later when we are in private," he replied suggestively.

He takes my hand, and I see Jessica's face twitch a little. We are the last ones in the room to make our way towards the finer dining room.

Once we enter, I can tell the servants were hard at work to ensure no expense was spared. Gold dishes with crystal goblets sat at everyone's place. The silk napkins, candles, and an exceptionally expensive array of alcohol were all on standby. It was the Cullen's job to show off, and that they did.

Edward pulls out my chair, and I sit.

"So…Edward, you must tell me how you came to your decision to choose Isabella. I can't even imagine all the fine, upstanding ladies you had to pick from," Mrs. Newton said.

And yes, I did catch all her unsaid implications.

Edward breathed out and looked to me.

"Well, our story is about a love that has lasted throughout time and distance. I grew up with Isabella. She was my best friend. When I was sent to continue my education outside of the states, I never forgot about her. I was so pleased when I returned home to find Bella was still available. Within the week I was back, I searched her out and talked her into agreeing to marry me. And we have been happy ever since."

His hand never left mine. He pulls our hands up together to kiss the back of mine before giving me his most sincere smile. I can see from the corner of my eye as Jessica's eyes narrow.

Edward lets go of my hand as he reaches for his crystal goblet. He stands and raises his glass. "Actually, I think this is the best time to tell you all that Isabella and I have decided to move up our wedding to Christmas. We don't want to wait until the New Year. We love each other so much, and what better time than Christmas to share our love with everyone."

I hear Esme gasp. I wasn't sure if she was happy for us or gasping at the reality that our wedding would be in three months' time. Edward looks down at me and raises his glass even more.

"To my beautiful Isabella. My life began when I met you."

I feel a twinge of pain to my heart that these words were insincere, but I am able to smile away and play my role as if I am touched. Everyone raises their glass and say 'cheers' even if I can tell they are only doing so to fulfill their roles. It's funny because I always think Edward and I have to play a part, and yet, that is what the Newtons must do as well. They know their place. They know they cannot speak freely or have a sincere emotion, or else the Cullens can damn them for it.

Dinner begins, and the male Newtons discuss their stance on the current events that have been unfolding with Carlisle and Jasper. They try and bring Jasper into the discussion because they know his family leads the military power in the country. The Newtons were known for their expertise in weapons manufacturing. You would think they would get along famously, but I can tell Jasper is uncomfortable with the harsh stance the Newtons take on several topics.

"So Jessica," Edward begins while he waits for a chicken thigh to grace his plate. "I was wondering if perhaps you could be of service to Bella."

"Of service?" I hear the disdain in her voice at Edward's choice of words. Now it was my turn.

"Yes. You see, since Edward and I moved up the date of our wedding, I had hoped that as my sister you wouldn't mind staying around after my Blessing Celebration to help see all my dreams come true for my wedding."

I see Alice rock in her chair...her ears, probably not believing the words coming from my mouth.

"That sounds great, I'm sure Jessica would love to," Michael replied, giving his wife a challenging eye.

"Um…yes…I would love to," she repeats after her husband like a robot.

I squeal and clap my hands.

"Well, Alice is my maid of honor, but I know all the lessers in the world couldn't get this done on their own. So, you can be my assistant. I'll be sure to put you right to work," I said with a wide grin. "Oh, and don't worry, I will see that mother and father's house has proper accommodations. That is my responsibility now that I am a Cullen."

I look over to Edward, and he smiles back broadly at me before kissing me on the mouth.

"That you are, my girl."

Edward takes a bite of chicken with his fork. Jessica's peacock feathers appear to be wilting right in front of my eyes. Probably because she keeps running her hands over them. A nervous tick I noticed.

"Would you excuse me, I need to use the ladies' room," Jessica says, pushing out her chair.

I feel Edward squeeze my knee under the table. I look over to Alice and see her eyes narrow at mine, and I slightly shake my head to let her know that something was up. I probably should have texted her so she would be aware of what was happening.

After a few minutes, I rise and excuse myself from the room to go look for Jessica.

"…I don't know what he told you, but they aren't breaking up! I swear if you are playing both sides, I will see far worse done to you than a trip to the white ward." I hear Jessica threatening Jacob. Her voice is hushed, and her head is darting around to ensure she has her privacy, but it doesn't help that these halls cause everything to echo.

"Be sure to tell Jacob hello for me," I said, walking out from behind a column. I see her eyes nearly glow red with how much anger is behind them. She stiffly closes her phone and stands straighter, her feathers twitch and bounce at the movement.

"Do I know about your plans to ruin my engagement?" I asked rhetorically. "Yes, Edward and I figured it out."

I shook my head.

"God, Jessica. You were so desperate to be back on top that you dared go against the Cullens."

I feel Edward walk up from behind me and place his hands on my hips.

"We are going to tell your husband and his family about what you tried to do. You will no longer be welcomed in this state, and you will never again go near my fiancé. You will be shamed for what you did, and I am going to personally see to it that Jacob is taken to the white ward. Think about him often, Jessica, because if you ever come near us, you will take his place."

I expect her to crumble under Edward's threats, but instead, she smiles wickedly.

"You think you fool everyone with this farce? Well, I'm not fooled, Bella. How could you ever think someone like Jacob Black would take an interest in someone as disgusting as you? He told me that touching you felt like dipping his hands in a can of lard. Kissing you nearly made him vomit in your mouth. And yes, he told me he could see it in your eyes when he asked you to run away...there was indecision, which tells me that you and Edward are just as fake as the affections of Jacob Black."

I feel Edward step out from behind me and raise his hand, ready to hit her, but I stop him.

"Don't. She's not worth it."

I knew what Edward planned to do would be far worse than just physically attacking her. He had every right to do so, but I didn't want him becoming anything close to a Newton.

Before the night ended, Edward revealed Jessica's treachery to the Newtons. It didn't take long for Carlisle to kick them, not only from our house but out of our state as well. Jessica had brought shame to their family name, and that kind of crime couldn't go unpunished.

As horrible as she was, it was hard to know of the beating I was sure she would receive. She would be lucky not to be hospitalized. I should go on and forget all about her, but stupid Bella, silly Bella was continuing to worry about Jessica and what she would endure at the hands of her husband. As they left the house, heads bowed in shame, I saw Michael pulling Jessica by her hair while growling obscenities into her ear all the way down to the car.

Edward and I walk back into the entry room of his grandfather's house.

I am exhausted. I want to go to bed, but I worry I will be plagued with images of what would happen to my sister. Edward turns to me and takes my hands.

"You and I make a pretty good team," he says to me."Bella…what Jessica said tonight, I hope you won't put any belief to her words. She is a horrible person who just wanted to strike out in any way she could. You are a beautiful woman, and no one should ever say otherwise. Please believe me."

I nod to Edward's statement but don't reply. I see him look to the left at the few remaining vases on their pedestals. He lets go of my hands and walks over to repeat my earlier gesture, knocking down all the remaining vases.

My mouth drops open as I wonder if he has lost his mind.

"You're right, they were ugly." He winks at me and then heads up his staircase.

I feel my entire body tingle with happiness. It was the first time I felt hopeful for our future. We would be married in less than three months' time. I could finally begin to see my happy ever after on the horizon. With my sister gone, and not here to meddle with my life any further, I couldn't imagine how things could get any better than this moment, right now.

Once again, I was right.

That was our last great moment.


	19. Chapter 19

CHAPTER NINETEEN

Everything was perfect.

Well, maybe not perfect, since my relationship with Edward was still a farce. But after the night with the Newton's, at least we both were kind to one another. He no longer avoided me as he had done in the past. Since Edward's schooling had begun, we would talk at breakfast and dinner about our days or interesting little tidbits. I finally felt like I had my friend back.

As the day drew closer for our Engagement Celebration, I was feeling less and less nervous at the show we were to put on for everyone. This was the first time I thought we could pull this off. All eyes would be on us, so it was imperative to go into this as a strong team rather than a bag of fighting cats, the way Edward and I had the tendency to do.

I found that weeks went by more quickly when you were happy. I still watched what I ate but no longer exercised as much as before when I had Jacob. I tried not to think of Jacob because then I would be forced to think about him sitting in the white ward. I never asked Edward if he made good on his threat. I didn't want to know. I guess ignorance was more blissful.

Esme planned our party to take place at the Cullen mansion. They had a ballroom towards the back of the house that I rarely saw throughout my life. After all, why would the daughter of a lesser have cause to visit such an elegant location.

However, I was no longer the daughter of a lesser. I was a Cullen, and a Cullen trumps a Newton.

I lay back down on my pillow and look up at the canopy above my bed. My eyes take in every opulent item in the room. It feels a lifetime has passed since Edward talked me into marrying him while we drank our beers on the fallen tree log. Today was my Blessing Celebration, and everything in my life was perfect.

All the thoughts running through my head, it felt like a frenzy and then suddenly nothing except one thought emerged.

I jump up as my heart begins to race. My hand reaches for my phone, and I bring up my calendar. How could this have happened? Was I really so stressed out these past few weeks that I hadn't noticed? I stand and begin to pace, nearly dropping the phone in my franticness.

I begin to count the days already knowing the answer but needing confirmation.

Oh, God.

My hands shake, probably trying to keep up with my heartbeats.

I'm late.

No, not a little late. I am really late.

My shaking hands move down to my stomach, and my eyes look up toward the standing mirror.

"I'm pregnant," I whispered.

I try and let that sink in for a few long minutes, but it still doesn't seem possible. I need confirmation. Being late or even really late isn't enough. I need to see for myself from a test.

Slowly, I walk towards the house phone.

"Emily. Do you mind coming to my room? It's urgent."

I hope my voice doesn't sound off, but I know it does. I cannot afford to be stressed or worried until I know for sure. It feels like an eternity until Emily is outside my door. I know it has only been two minutes, but those two minutes might as well have been an hour.

"Miss Swan. Can I help you?"

I open the door and pull her inside, hoping that no one will catch sight of us.

I wring my hands as I try and come up with the right words. I need absolute discretion. Emily is my only hope. No need to worry Edward over this. He would probably be a bigger mess than I was.

"Emily, I need to ask something from you...something big. I need you to promise you won't tell a soul. Especially not Mr. Cullen."

She nodded with a concerned look on her face.

"I think I might be pregnant. I need you to go to the store…or hospital. Oh, maybe you can ask your husband, Sam…make him think it's for you. No, that probably wouldn't be good," I say frantically while pacing in circles.

"Miss Swan." Emily walked over and placed her hands on mine. "It will be okay. You have nothing to worry about. I already procured a test for you when you didn't request that I order your monthly supply of sanitary napkins."

"Oh, my heavens; you are a lifesaver."

Great.

Emily knew I was pregnant, even before I did.

"Let me go downstairs, and I will be back in a minute." She turned to leave and then turned back to me and said once again, "it will be okay, Miss Swan."

"Please Emily. At least in private can you call me Bella? I think of you more like a friend than most," I replied sincerely.

She smiled softly and nodded once.

"Okay, Bella."

When she was gone, I turned to walk back to the window to focus on the outside. The scenery usually had a way to calm me that no other vice was capable of. However, today the plants and birds were losing the battle as I imagined what Edward would say. Would he be happy? Probably not. He didn't want more responsibility. Things were going so well between us, and now I had to ruin it with this?

No matter the consequence, I was going to tell him today. I would not make the mistake of keeping something this big from him again. At least no one could argue that our union was fake after this news became public. I imagine Esme will not be pleased, but I guess it is a good thing we moved up the wedding. I probably wouldn't be showing, so we could keep up the ruse that we waited until our wedding night.

Somehow, we could make it work, right?

Emily was back far too quickly, and she pulled her apron up and presented the test from her inside pocket. I took the small box from her hands and sighed before walking towards the bathroom.

While I waited for the results, I tried to figure out the best way to tell Edward the news. Should I tell him before our Blessing Celebration? Wait until after? Perhaps I should wait. This kind of information could put a damper on his day, and I needed him to be in fine form.

I look down, and sure enough, there is a smiley face looking back at me. A smiley face because why wouldn't this be a joyful occasion. Ever since they outlawed birth control and abortions in twenty-twenty-five, years before I ever came into existence, it was considered a blessing to be pregnant. A gift from God and no one should mess with what God created, right?

There were ways to get around the law. I had heard some women throw themselves down a flight of stairs if they were in desperate need. Stories like that surfaced every once in a while, but we weren't supposed to talk about it.

Why was I thinking about this now? I wasn't planning to throw myself down a flight of stairs. And even as upset as Edward could be, I doubt he would want me to harm myself in order to get rid of this mistake…I mean blessing.

This baby was a blessing.

I chant it over and over, even if I am scared of what this could mean to our relationship. Maybe I'll get lucky, and he will be happy for us. He did say that maybe one day, he would be ready to be a husband. Maybe having this baby would push him along more quickly.

I walk out of the bathroom, and Emily stands with her hands folded in front of her. I nod to let her know that I am, in fact, with child. She smiles and walks over to give me a hug while she whispers that it will be okay.

"We need to get you ready for the day. Why don't I draw you a cool bath to start?"

I nod, still afraid my voice will betray me.

The cool bath does not relax me as much as a warm bath would, but Emily said from now on, I couldn't risk the baby for a warm bath. She helps me dress in a fitted, light pink dress that practically screams, 'I am with child and hoping it's a girl.'

Do I want a girl? Or do I want it to be a boy? A boy might help Edward to accept it more easily. Men usually wanted a male heir. A boy would be best. Yes, dear God grant me a boy so that my husband will stay with me and be happy to do so.

I didn't see Edward that morning. He was to be getting ready at his parents' house. Alice came by to pick me up. She was happy enough for the both of us, but she could tell something was off about me.

"Happy Blessing Day, Bella." She pauses and extends a kind hand to me. "Are you okay, Bella? You seem pale today."

I rocked with the motion of the car as it went over dirt roads to find the highway.

"I think I'm just nervous," I replied, not ready to tell her the news. Edward should know first. It was only fair.

"Oh, I know what you mean. I felt horribly nervous on my day. Don't worry, once your family and friends begin to show up…"

She stopped talking, realizing that having my family there wasn't going to make me less nervous, and I didn't have any friends.

We arrived at her parents' home, and I could see the workers running around to make sure the last-minute decorations and food were set. When I walked into their grand ballroom, my breath caught at the sight.

"Do you like it?" Esme said, coming over to greet me. "Happy Blessing Day."

"It's so beautiful. Thank you," I said amazed as I looked around at the high vases and the bright red pom-pom dahlias. There were ivory-laced tablecloths with goblets that had crystals hanging from them. Everything was so much more than I deserved.

"Do you know where Edward is? I need to speak to him."

"Sure, honey. He's up getting ready."

I excused myself and headed toward the staircase. Just as I reached the top, I see Edward dressed in his best suit coming at me while he tries to finish buttoning his cufflinks.

"Bella, you look great," he starts, but I can already tell he is rushed. "Did you need something? My father asked me to come down and decide what the cigar of the night should be. God, he can't just do it on his own; needs to put that on me as well. I swear, sometimes I wish people could understand what stress they put on me with all this crap. I mean, I've been slaving away at school to follow in his footsteps, you would think that would be enough. However, I know he isn't going to stop bugging me even after I choose the damn cigar. He'll then want to go over the speech he has to make to announce me. Your father is so lucky he needn't say anything but your name."

Yes, why should we waste time to introduce the girl in this beautiful speech? I feel my blood begin to boil at the thought. My hand goes subconsciously to my stomach, and once again, I pray for a boy so he may never know the harsh realities of being a woman.

"I'm sorry; I'm kind of laying all this on you." He slaps me on the back like I'm one of the guys and adds to my humiliation by saying, "so glad we are once again friends. It's nice to have a buddy I can complain to."

My mouth opens, but I think better on it and decide to wait until after the party.

"So, did you need something?"

"No," I shake my head. "Just…good luck out there today. Go get 'em."

I smack him on the back harshly, and he moves a foot forward.

I run back down the steps, not wanting to continue being Edward's buddy. I am mindful of the stairs and my proclivity for tripping, so my hand reaches out to grab the handrail for good measure.

The party begins, and I sit in the library until my father announces me. Edward, I imagine, is probably in his father's study. Alice said she would stay with me, but I knew she would be much happier to be out with the people. I can hear the voices of all the guests, and I feel my nerves creep up to the surface. Sitting alone is much too harsh. I get up and walk towards Carlisle's study to see Edward. If we both needed to wait for the introduction, then we should wait together.

I hear a man's voice as I get closer and I know it isn't Carlisle.

"I cannot believe you're here. You came all the way from England for this?"

I see Edward hug his guest and slap the guy on the back as he did to me earlier.

"Of course, I couldn't miss this. Can't believe you caved and are getting married. What happened to all those plans you had back in school?"

"You know how things go, James."

"Well, I cannot wait to meet the little woman."

I walk into the doorway, and Edward sees me and gestures to his friend.

"This is Bella."

James turns to look at me, and I see the shock in his eyes.

"Okay…poor choice of words," I hear him say under his breath.

My mouth slowly drops open, but before I can say a word, he turns back to Edward.

"What is that, Edward? You can't be serious?"

"James," Edward says softly.

Afraid I might begin to cry, I turn around to walk away. I know I shouldn't, but I can't help myself. I hide away behind a column and wait to hear Edward defend my honor.

"Why did you have to do that? Bella's a good girl. She's nice."

"Edward! She's a cow. How could you agree to marry that? I mean you could have chosen anyone. You need your inheritance, I get that. But to marry her?"

"She's my friend. I've known her my whole life. I can trust, Bella. Besides, she knows all about the inheritance, and she knows this isn't a real relationship. I'm not held to the same expectations as a real husband would be held to," Edward defended.

"Oh, thank God. I can't imagine if you have to sleep with that thing. You might get lost in those rolls. Or she could crush you," he begins to laugh.

I can't stop the tears. They flow freely as I hold out hope for Edward to say something kind or to tell his friend to stop.

"Well…actually…"

"You didn't!" James laughs even more.

"She was a virgin…"

"Of course, she was a virgin. You didn't need to take that as a challenge."

"Hey, you can't knock it until you try it. You laugh, but Bella has a lot to grab onto if you catch my drift," Edward said.

I hear James make a sound like he is vomiting.

"I think I will stick to skinny attractive girls. I don't want to worry that someone like that could break my dick."

I'm still crying but no longer are my tears from sadness. Now I am angry.

"You better get out there. I'm sure my father will be along soon for his announcement."

I hear James begin to walk towards me, and my fat rolls squeeze to hide behind the column even more.

"Deadman walking," James taunts as he walks away.

Once he is gone, I walk back into the room. Edward looks up and sees me.

"Look, I'm sorry about him, he can be an ass. Don't take anything he said personally, Bella."

A laugh bubbles up.

"No, why would I take it personally. Fine, I'll forget about the asshole."

Edward is surprised because I hardly ever swear.

"Why don't I just focus on you. I heard what you said, Edward. Every word."

His eyes look away knowing that he was in the wrong.

"Bella, we were just screwing around. We're guys. We say stupid crap, and it doesn't mean anything."

"Why are you with me if I am such an embarrassment. James was right; you could be with anyone and don't give me some line that you don't want the responsibility of being a husband. Why are you with me?"

He doesn't answer.

"God." I throw up my hands. "I don't understand you. You were just like me. You should know how much this hurts."

"You're right. I was like you, and I changed myself because my grandfather was right. I was a loser. Cullens can't be losers. We can't afford to be overweight. To be fat. You had an easier path. If it weren't for me, you would be a lesser. Probably marry a lesser. You don't have to impress anyone."

"If I am such a loser, then why marry me!" I yelled.

"You know how much I care about you. You're my friend. I have cared about you since we were children..."

"If that was true, I'm pretty sure you stopped caring about me when we were children. I don't know much, but I know that I would never have hurt you the way you just hurt me," my voice falters, and I am so angry I can't control my tears.

"I am…so stupid. I keep telling myself you just need time to grow up and that one day it will be worth it. That you will see in me what I see in you. But I must be blind because there isn't anything decent in you. You are a…horrible human being, and I am the stupid one for going along with this for so long."

I walked away, determined on what I would do next before Edward could try to charm me out of it. I went back towards the ballroom and wiped my face, even though I doubt it helped. I waited at the back entrance for them to announce us. I wait until I hear Carlisle take the stage and begin his affectionate speech to his son.

"Our dear guests. My wife Esme and I humbly welcome you to share in the joy of honoring our son and his chosen bride this evening."

I see Edward walk up to the other entrance. He looks upset, but he is ready to play the part. He doesn't know that my acting career is over.

"Edward, since he was a child, he has always been very passionate. He continues to show his passion for all things. His education. His family, and most importantly, his fiancée, Isabella. We are extremely proud of the young man he has become. Kind-hearted. Respectful and decent. Please welcome our son, Edward Anthony Cullen."

I can see his teeth even from the back of the room from his silly fake smile. Edward walks up and shakes his father's hand. I walk out from my place and begin to go down the aisle of tables towards the front. Just as Edward goes to kiss his mother on the cheek, Carlisle catches sight of me.

"Bella...your father hasn't…"

"I know. But I thought I should add something to your speech."

Edward shifts uncomfortably on his feet, and I can see the looks of concern on the faces of his parents.

"You said that Edward was kind-hearted. Respectful. Decent. I don't think you know your son at all."

I turn around and address the room.

"I know. It doesn't make any sense, right? You look at Edward Cullen, and everyone here asks why he would ever choose someone like me. Well, truth is, he didn't choose me because he cares about me. He asked me to marry him so he could get his grandfather's inheritance. Does that sound like the kind of man that you would call kind-hearted? He took my virginity, and yes, he lived to tell the tale, James," I spit towards Edward's friend. "Was that respectful? And tonight, he didn't even refute his friend's claims, and in fact, he thinks I am a loser for being fat."

I shake as I look to Edward for the first time.

"I'm not the loser Edward. And if you don't believe me then think about this. I'm pregnant."

Instantly, his mouth drops open. I see Esme's follows suit as she places her hand over it to cover her audible gasp. I walk the last few steps to Edward.

"I'm pregnant, but don't you worry," I say as I wipe away my tears. " I'm not going to plague you with the responsibility. Do you think I would ever allow my child to be raised by someone like you? I would rather us be gutter-babies. I will raise a far better child in the gutter than in a fancy house with you. So you see, you lost your friend and a baby. Who's the loser now?"

I shake but look towards Esme to give her my apology.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry for ruining your party," I whispered.

I turn around and begin to walk away, but a hand reaches out to stop me.

It's Carlisle's.

His arm pulls me to him and holds me, and now I can't help but break down.

"Edward," he begins. "You have disappointed us for the last time. We love you, but we can no longer support you and your unhealthy decisions. We deny you your inheritance, and your grandfather's estate will go to the child that Isabella is carrying. Isabella will be the executor until this child is of age. You have one hour to gather your things and leave."

My crying ceases immediately as I look up at Carlisle in shock over what he has done. I used to think that families like the Cullens had nothing to lose since they were at the top, but when it came to embarrassment, that kind of scandal could put them down a peg or two. I worried that Carlisle chose to deny his son because he valued his position too greatly. On the other hand, ... maybe this is just what I want to believe because the alternative is that I have broken up a family today. The Cullen family. I have to share some of that responsibility, after all.

I turn around, and Edward looks at me one last time before his feet take him out of the room. I'm surprised because I expected his face to be red with anger. I just cost him everything. I expected him to lunge at me and twist his hands around my neck, but instead, I see something very different in his eyes. Sadness. Was that it possibly?

Alice and Esme pull me out of the room, enclosing me in their warm embrace. Once again, I cry. I apologize over and over, but they both hush me. Esme lost her son. Alice lost her brother. They should hate me. I just lost my child's father.

For what I have done, I hate myself.


	20. Chapter 20

CHAPTER TWENTY

The same dream has plagued me since the last time I saw Edward Cullen. The two of us sitting on the grass in Esme's rose garden while we played a game called 'I wish.' The point was to make a wish that was better than the last wish said. Edward would always wish for things like fast cars, or that summer would never end. Mine were usually far more reserved. I never wanted to tell Edward my greatest hearts desires. I worried about what he would say if I told him what I really asked for. I would say I wished my sister would find a husband and move out as soon as possible or that my mother would think about me as much as she did about Jessica.

And then he said it.

Edward stops and opens his mouth, but nothing comes out. He seems nervous, but this wasn't Edward. Edward was never nervous. A trait I was envious to possess.

"I wish I could kiss you."

My face must have been a picture because there was no way I heard him correctly. I must have imagined what he said because, for some time, all I wanted was for Edward to kiss me. I don't say a word afraid I hallucinated the whole thing. He leans over, and his lips are on mine. Then he stops and pulls back to look at me. I remember how his chubby face used to look; not at all like the one he grew into.

"Was that wrong?"

I slowly shake my head. My lips press together.

"No. It's what I wished for too."

We were twelve.

Everything back then was so simple, and yet after that day, I never saw my best friend again. I mean, of course, I saw him, but he was never the same.

Every night I had this dream. It was one of my most treasured memories, and yet now, I felt I was cursed to relive it. When I would awake, inevitably, I would remember Edward's face the very last time I ever saw him.

Christmas was quickly approaching. It was to have been when Edward and I were to be married. I felt stupid for wishing I had never said anything at our Blessing Celebration; gone on with life and taken the harsh words Edward said about me to his friend...pretended they never existed. I shouldn't want him so badly, but after loving someone for nearly my whole life, I couldn't just turn it off.

I had heard he was staying at the apartment he had rented. He had paid in full, back when he thought he would need it. Good thing or else he would be out on the streets. At least for the school year, he had a place to stay. I wasn't sure what he would do after that.

Carlisle and Esme asked me to move in with them, but I declined. As much as I didn't want to remain in Edward's grandfather's house, I couldn't stay with Carlisle and Esme knowing they lost their son because of me. Carlisle had every right to demand I live with them. After Edward was denied, I officially became their problem. After all, the Cullen's purchased me in full. Even though their son signed the contract, if something happened after that day, it was up to his family to take on the burden of caring for me unless they decided to deny me too.

Alice came to help me change the house, so it was more to my taste. I appreciated the gesture because I felt as if I shouldn't be the one to make any modification, even if Carlisle had stated the house was mine to do whatever I wished until my baby was of age.

My baby.

Thankfully, the nausea had passed. I was lucky. This baby never made my stomach turn so severely to cause me to throw up, but it did make it hard for me to eat. Even though I wasn't exercising, I watched what I ate, and the nausea helped me lose more weight than I had when I was working out with Jacob. It was an odd thing to lose weight while having my stomach become more pronounced.

I was eighteen weeks along with Christmas coming in several days. At my last visit, the doctor asked if I wanted to know the sex of my baby. I declined but request he write it down and put it in an envelope for when I was ready to know. Since then, every time I look at the envelope I feel my nerves creep up. I didn't want to know because then I would be able to picture this child who would grow up without their father. Was it a little girl? I could see her pretty brown hair in pigtails sitting on Edward's knee. Or perhaps a little boy who would play games out in the yard with his daddy. I would have to shake my head and know none of this would ever be possible.

Most days, I would stay home and sit in the garden. I didn't show up to the hospital for fear my mother would find me. My parents weren't allowed to come to my home unless they were invited. Even though my mother was able to keep her status, I doubt she would be happy with me for embarrassing her at my Blessing Celebration. I knew her too well. She would take on the events at the party as a personal attack. I'm sure all of society was gossiping about what I had done. Even though my mother was well within her right to court at Kensington, I'm sure she didn't go for fear of the looks she would receive.

Edward and I had our ups and downs. Yes, we probably had more downs since he came back from England. However, I couldn't just turn off a switch and stop caring about him. My mind would think of nothing else. I wondered how he was doing in school. If he was happy. Did he hate me? Did he ever think about me? All the time I wasted thinking about him, made me doubt he ever cared enough about me to wonder how I was doing...how his child was doing. Maybe he thought his father denying him saved him from the responsibility of being a father.

No.

I know Edward was a jerk to me, but I always knew if I had told him sooner about the pregnancy, he would have worried at first, but then he would have come through. I had faith Edward would have risen to the occasion.

A few days before Christmas, Esme sent a request asking that I spend the holiday with them; to come to stay at the house so I wouldn't be alone. I know it wasn't really a request. It was a demand, even if the flowery writing on her pretty paper made it seem she was inviting. I packed a couple of cases, and Emily put me in the car.

I dreaded the next few days. Having to sit across from the Cullens on their first Christmas without Edward. Even when he was at school in England, they would either visit him for the holiday, or he would come home for a few days. His absence would surely be on everyone's mind.

Thankfully, Alice and Jasper were there to save us from the awkward meals, but I found that during the day, if I stayed indoors, Esme would search me out to see how I was handling everything.

Christmas shopping was a nightmare. I would spend hours online looking for the proper gifts to buy and never finding anything adequate. I brought the envelope with the sex of the baby along with me as a last resort on finding something good enough for Carlisle and Esme. But then I wondered if bringing up the baby of their denied son was the best idea. So, instead, I stashed it in the book I was reading.

Although, when I would take the book outside for reading, I would feel the envelope near my fingers begging me to open it. Eager to get away from the Cullen estate for even a little while, I took my book down to the lake behind their house, hoping to find some tranquility.

I found the spot Edward had taken me to the night Bree died and sat down looking out over the water. I pictured some of the happier memories I had when I was a child and played in these waters during the summer evenings. I felt my face become colder from the tears that fell.

I could never get away from Edward.

"Bella."

I sighed. Even now, I couldn't escape his voice.

"Bella."

I slowly turn and see my hallucination was, in fact, real.

He looked the same; exactly the same as the very last time I saw him. I should get up and go. Move. Run. But I can't. Because as much pain as Edward caused me with his horrible words, I found the pain of him being gone, greater.

"Please, just…give me a chance. I know I don't deserve to ask anything of you. I have thought about nothing else these past weeks, but of the horrible mess I made. I owe you an apology…"

"No!" I snapped. "Please spare me. I can't. I just can't hear another Edward Cullen apology. What's the point? You'll say you're sorry and then…once again, I'll think everything is okay, and you will find another way to hurt me. Usually hurt me more than the last time you apologized. Don't say it, Edward. Just don't."

He nods his head.

"You're right. I've messed up in unimaginable ways. Ruined my best friend. I…God, I was so stupid. I kept thinking if I kept you at arms' length, I would keep us from getting hurt, but all I did was hurt us more. Over and over. I took your virginity, and I hated myself for it. I left after because I hated myself for doing that to you. But then you tell me you're pregnant and I can no longer hate myself because now there would be this miracle out there in the world that would undoubtedly be the perfect combination of you and me."

"You hated yourself for having sex with me? Embarrassed…"

"NO!" he barked, and I immediately cowered. He calmed himself, seeing how his tone affected me. "I hated myself because it should never have been me. I stole your virginity, and for a second, I believed I had a claim to it because of a piece of paper. But it never should have been me. You deserved far better. You're the girl who sits next to a dying child and holds her hand. The girl who puts every single person before yourself when no one deserves your loyalty, and I'm just the bastard who couldn't stand up to one asshole who disparaged the person I love most in this world."

I look away because I don't want him to see the effect his words have on me. I want to believe him, but I tell myself not to fall into that trap once more.

"Bella, I am sorry. I'm sorry for not standing up to James and kicking him out of my life as I should have done. I am sorry for saying what I said. And I am sorry for how I treated you these past months. I know you have every right to cast me out of your life, to tell me to leave you alone and never come back, but if there is something I can do or say to…be a part of your life and this child's, I will do it. I will say it. I will do anything you demand. Please don't keep me away from our baby. Please let me be in both of your lives."

Don't give in, Bella; he will only hurt you. You love him, but you know he will hurt you again. Don't do it, Bella.

I move to stand up, using the tree for balance. I see him walk forward to help me up, but I hold out a hand to stop him, and instantly, he freezes. I want to tell him no, but I can't.

I love him.

I also know I don't want to be the reason Carlisle and Esme don't have their son home this Christmas.

"I can't let myself love you…anymore. This pain in my chest…my soul is unbearable. I can't go back to the way things were before." I sniffle to try and hold back my tears. "But… it would be wrong for me to deny this child a father. So here is what I am prepared to do. If you accept, you can move your stuff back into your side of the house. We will be roommates, but nothing more. I don't want anything more than that. You are welcome to see your child when it arrives and spend as much time as you want. However, if I feel you are going to hurt him or her in any way, you'll need to leave. I will ask you to leave. And, I will even do you one better; I will make sure this child is raised with a healthy diet, so you will never feel the need to be embarrassed if you were to be seen in public together. I will save this baby the pain I've had to endure."

"I'm not going to fight with you anymore, Edward and I am not going to accept one more apology. I don't want to be the reason your family doesn't see you. I love Alice, and I know how hard this has been on her even if she never mentions it. Maybe…someday…we can be friends. So, now, you can…go ahead and sleep with whomever you like. Get your needs met…outside of the house. Please don't bring any person around this child…until, someday, when you meet the one; the girl you love…"

I stop because I just might break if I don't.

"…then we can come to a new arrangement of custody. Okay?"

Once again, his face looks like it did the last time I saw him. I see him nod slowly agreeing to my terms.

"Him or her? Do you know?"

My hand goes to my book, and I shake my head.

"You should come to Christmas dinner as my guest. I'm sure your parents would love to see you. I will let them know about our new arrangement."

I begin to walk away and stop when I nearly pass him. I pull the envelope from my book and hand it to him.

"Merry Christmas, Edward," I whispered.

And then I kept going.

God, I was such an idiot. I caved too easily. I shouldn't have let my feelings rule me, but the guilt weighed too heavily, and I needed a decent night's rest without dreams of Edward ruining me. I want to kick myself that I gave up the envelope without ever looking to see what was inside. Now Edward knows before me whether we were having a girl or a boy.

Stupid Bella!

I spent the rest of my night crying in the shower, and when I could no longer stand the cold water pelting down upon my body, I moved my snot fest out to my bed. I was thankful Alice hadn't come and checked in on me. I wasn't ready to tell her about my run-in with her twin.

I was a bit late for breakfast the next morning. From the looks of it, Carlisle was on his second cup of coffee. He had taken off from work to be home for Christmas. I stumbled into the dining room, and everyone looked up from their plates.

"I was just about to send Rachel to come and bring you down," Alice said.

"Is everything okay, Bella. You look tired," Esme asked, concerned.

I nodded and took my seat at the table. Pulling out the chair farther this time to be sure I didn't embarrass myself when my hardening stomach got caught in between. When I was just overweight, my fat would easily mold itself into the desired location. Ever since my stomach began to harden, I found it harder to squeeze into places.

"My apologies for being late."

Alice smiled at me and replied, "Happy Christmas Eve."

I nodded back at her with a soft smile.

I stared down at my plate, wondering if I would make it with what I was planning to say next. I must have taken too long because Esme asked if the baby was causing me to be nauseous again. I shook my head and then blurted out, "I invited Edward to dinner tonight."

The look on everyone's faces was practically identical except for Jasper, whose eyes darted around the room to see the reactions.

"I know. I'm sorry. I…he came to me last night. I've thought about this a lot. As mad as his actions have made me, I can't be the person to deny Edward from seeing his child." I paused and looked over towards Esme, "I also can't be the person who denies Edward from seeing his family."

Esme looked as if she would cry but looked toward her husband to see if he would allow my invitation.

"Are you sure about this, Bella?" Carlisle asked.

I nod my head. "It's going to be completely platonic. I told him he can move back in and have a relationship with the baby if he wishes. He will live on his side of the house, and I will live on mine. I know I must sound naive or incredibly senseless with this decision, but it is the right thing to do, and I hope we can all find a way to…coexist."

Carlisle gives me a look but then sighs.

"Okay, but just know the accounts and house will still be in this child's name when he or she is born. Edward will only have access to any allowance you give him and nothing more. We will be civil, and he is welcome to partake in our events as long as he can remain respectful. If at any time he does something to cause harm to either you or the baby, he will be removed and not allowed back into the house."

Carlisle's words sounded harsh, but I knew he said what he said to try to protect me as best as he could. I hoped Edward never give him cause to make good on his threats.

Edward arrived at the house at six PM that evening in time for hors d'oeuvres.

I waited out of sight on the top of the stairs while he greeted his mother and sister. Carlisle hadn't come out of his study yet, but I could already hear the hushed voices from down below. As I slowly descended, Esme and Alice's words were more pronounced as I heard them making small threats to Edward about hurting me again. I was thankful for their loyalty but hoped they could come to enjoy their Christmas holiday even if I couldn't.

Esme reached up and put her arms around her son, finally squeezing him, wishing him a happy Christmas. She let go when she saw me, and Edward turn.

"Merry Christmas, Bella," Edward said softly.

"Merry Christmas," I replied.

"You look lovely."

I blanched hating his words and knowing they were a lie, but I didn't respond. Instead, I walked over towards the high back chair and took a seat while Rachel came over and handed me a small plate with a few food choices dressed impeccably.

Carlisle walked in and stopped short. He looked his son over and then extended his hand out to give a polite shake. No hug or kind greeting but I wasn't expecting much this first time.

"It's my understanding our staff has outdone themselves with the holiday ham. Perhaps we should move this into the dining room," Carlisle said.

Esme reached out to take her husband's hand so he could lead her into the dining room, and Jasper did the same for his fiancé. I slowly stood, and Edward offered me a hand, but I shook my head.

"I'm fine." I began to walk towards the dining room when Edward called after me.

"It's a boy."

I froze in place and turned back to him.

"You should know. It didn't seem right that I knew, and you didn't. We're having a son, Bella."

He comes toward me as the image of this perfect little boy plays in my mind. I nearly miss Edward placing his hands on my stomach. When I look down, I jumped back slightly, cringing at his touch; knowing how disgusted he must be to have to touch my fat in order to be closer to his son.

Edward stepped back immediately and raises his hands.

"I'm sorry."

I shook my head and walked towards the dining room, leaving Edward behind.

With my permission, Esme invited Edward back the next day for Christmas. I sat in the corner and watched as he got along with his family while they opened gifts. I know this whole thing was my idea, but it made it tough being the outsider. I would catch Edward looking at me or attempting to steal a glance. Probably wondering if I was glaring at his presence in the house. I think I remained passive.

After Christmas day, Edward moved back into the house. Thankfully, Alice was there to help make it less awkward. She had come by to help me decide which room would be best to set the baby up in and then to help order everything for the nursery.

When we walked into the grand entry, sitting there on the new table Alice helped me purchase was a large bouquet of flowers.

"I love the flowers," Alice squealed.

Instantly I stiffened at the sight.

Alice walked over to find the card attached.

"They're from Edward. He said thank you," Alice said.

Edward walked into the house carrying his school bag, and I immediately turned on him.

"What is this?" I asked harshly.

"I just wanted to say thank you."

"I told you that this relationship was nothing more than roommates. Please take your flowers. I don't want there to be any confusion as to what we are."

I see him sigh softly, as he picked up the flowers and carries them upstairs.

"Bella. I know you're still upset, but I think he's trying. Can't you try too?" Alice asked, hesitantly.

"I don't need him to try. I need to keep him in this…box. I can't allow myself to fall for his charms. I love him, Alice. More than he will ever love me. I need to remind myself of that often, so I don't get hurt again. I wished I could just stop. I feel silly for allowing myself to feel for him. I should be stronger, but I'm not, and so this is how I handle it. Keep Edward at arms distance. Further, if possible. I know once this baby comes, it could become even more confusing. I need it to be clear. I need to know, to remind myself that Edward will never be mine, even when he does things like this...brings flowers or touches me. It makes me think there could be more, and I will not fall into that trap again!"

I sniffled, and Alice puts her arms around me as best as she could.

When school resumed for Edward, I was surprised he didn't move back to his apartment. Instead, he stayed at the house, which I couldn't tell you if I was happy for or not. I had missed him greatly when he was gone, but I found his presence to be troubling too.

Every breakfast, lunch, or dinner, he was there. At first, he made small talk even though I could tell it was hard for him. I'm sure he felt certain subjects were like landmines with how I would react. When I didn't tense, he would continue with a topic. When my face would cringe, he would immediately change the subject.

My dreams still came every night. It didn't help that the bigger I got, the more uncomfortable I would find sleeping to be. When the baby began to kick, it took me by surprise, and I nearly doubled over from the shock. Of course, Edward was there to witness it, and he was by my side the moment it happened. I found the closest chair in which to sit, and he began to put his hands near my stomach, but stopped, realizing his mistake.

I was weak, so I gave in.

"You can touch…if you want."

Edward looks at me surprised but slowly moves his hands to my stomach to feel the baby moving. I see the amazement on his face. I want to cry as I pretend we are together and content, and the happiness this moment would bring us if we were married and loved one another. But then I look down and see Edward's hands touching my fat stomach and the bubble breaks. It's not the perfect round stomach his someday wife will have. No, mine comes with extra embarrassing baggage.

I guess that day was the first step to fixing our relationship. I slowly began to let Edward back into my life. I was due in late May, but I didn't feel relaxed with Edward until about March. One day, I looked up and didn't react as Edward helped me stand or sit. I wouldn't cringe when he touched me. My face was no longer a mix of sadness or anger. My words weren't as biting. I was allowing him back in even though I hadn't realized.

As I walk out to the garden, I see Edward standing with Seth talking. He seemed to be explaining something in great detail. My eyes catch sight of the fickle prickly flowers, and Edward turns around at the gasp I let out.

"Bella. I had hoped this would have been done and I hope you won't be upset. I just wanted to do something nice to commemorate our baby…"

I see the roses all standing tall waiting to be planted. The very same roses that beset my dreams every night as I remember our first kiss. He waits for me to say something. Probably afraid I would be upset but I can't find it in me to do so.

"Is this okay?" he asked softly.

I nod my head once and reach out to touch a white petal and whisper a thank you. I worry he might see the tears that threaten to fall down my cheeks, so I quickly turn around and walk back to the house.

We weren't roommates.

We never were.

I could never think of Edward as a roommate. He knew he needed to be patient. He knew I would come around eventually, but if he wanted my friendship again, he needed to wait until I was ready.

It took months to begin to repair what Edward had broken. I don't know what this would mean for our future, but I knew I would never stop loving him. I think I knew deep down Edward would never give up on me. Somehow, someway, we would get back to what we once were.

The rose garden was planted. I could see it from my bedroom window. It was such a lovely sight. I began to trust the reason behind Edward's garden was an act of love. If I were going to let Edward back into my life, I would need to absolve him and move on. I needed to find forgiveness. Edward's past actions were that of a stupid boy. The past few months, his actions were that of a man.

I went to sleep, finally feeling free of the anger and visions that inundated my nights. I felt my whole body relax into the bed in a way that hadn't happened in months. I found the happiness I had missed so much. The feeling of freedom from my pain and guilt.

It was a perfect sleep until it was ruined.

"Bella. Bella! You need to get up. Bella!"

Emily is shaking me and whispering in my ear.

The minute my eyes open, I can see an orange glow come from outside the window.

I jump up from my bed.

"Hurry. We must hurry."

Emily has my sleep robe ready to place on my body as I stumble out of bed.

"What's happening? What's going on?"

"There's no time. Come. We have to go!"

Emily pulls me out of my room and down the back way towards the side entrance to the house. I can hear a lot of noise and commotion as if there was an army invading our home. When we get outside, I see the house is on fire.

"Oh, my God! Edward!" I rush to try and go back to the house as I see his side of the house is engulfed in flames.

"Edward," I go to scream, but Emily quickly covers my mouth and holds me back.

She pulls me further into the woods behind the house, and I fight her every step of the way, but for a girl so small, she is strong. Her grip is unbreakable.

"Emily! Let me go. I have to get Edward," I begged through my tears.

She stops and looks back at me.

"Bella. He's not in there."

I look at her confused, wondering what is hidden behind her words.

"They took him, Bella."

"Who?" I asked.

Emily's eyes look back to the orange glow that lights up the woods for miles around, the dark smoke billowing into the air. My body trembles and I want to reach out and shake her until she gives me the answers I seek, but I needn't do it.

She looks back into my eyes.

"The Resistance. They have him now, Bella."


End file.
